


Carry On Part 2

by 398pt2forever



Series: Carry On [2]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Developing Friendships, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, Hypothermia, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Memory Loss, Musical References, Near Death, Panic Attacks, Paparazzi, Screenplay/Script Format, Slow Burn, Swimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:00:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 44,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27559480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/398pt2forever/pseuds/398pt2forever
Summary: This story picks up when Shay Martin returns to Vancouver to reprise her guest star role as Lexi Jager on Supernatural. To best understand it, please read Carry On Part 1 first.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Carry On [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2014432
Kudos: 4





	1. February 22, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay returns to Vancouver but things aren't going her way.

Walking home after dinner, Jensen shivered under the leaden sky, and hurried into his building’s lobby.

“Please, I'll take anything you've got. Efficiency, studio , whatever.”

He would have walked right past her if he hadn’t recognized her voice. Shay stood hunched over the reception desk in the lobby, her head propped in her hands.

“Shay? What’s going on?”

Lifting her head, Jensen saw her face was pale and drawn. It seemed to take a moment for her to recognize him. “Hey. Some mix up with my rental.” 

“I’m sorry ma’am, but there is nothing we can do for you. If you’d like to come back tomorrow, you could speak to the manager.”

“I understand.” She stepped away from the counter and swayed on her feet.

Automatically, Jensen caught her elbow to steady her. “You don't look so good. Do you need a doctor?”

“No. Migraine kicked in on the plane. I just need to get a hotel room or something so I can take my meds and lie down for a while.”

“I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you come upstairs and take your medicine and then you can call around to find a hotel room after they kick in.”

“I - Yeah, that’d be great.”

Keeping one hand on her elbow, he snagged her luggage with the other hand. Once in his apartment, he led her to the couch. She leaned forward to open her suitcase and rummaged inside. Turning on the light he heard a strangled groan.

“Too bright?”

“Yeah, but I need it to find-” she sat up and immediately slid bonelessly to the floor, “oh, bad idea, bad idea.” 

“Shay,” he rushed around to her, “that’s it, I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“No.” He was taken aback by the command in her tone. “There’s no point. They’ll run the usual tests, give me the same meds I already have, and send me home to sleep it off.”

“You don’t know that.” Heat flashed through him and he felt sweat pop out on his forehead and tingling in his fingers. 

“I do. I’ve been to doctors, specialists. I’ve had all the tests. Repeatedly.” She sat up cautiously, and pulled two prescription pill bottles from her bag. “Can you get me some water?”

He breathed deeply and shook out his hands on the way to the kitchen. He opened a cabinet, and saw that his hand was shaking. Pressing his palms to the counter, he bowed his head.

“Breathe Jensen,” he whispered to himself. He needed to get it together. Shay needed him to get it together. She had done so much for him the last few weeks. Sending him memes and stupid cat videos daily to make him smile. Answering the phone no matter what time of day or night. Listening whenever he needed to vent, or more frequently just rambling when he couldn’t stand it in his own head anymore. 

He had been chatting on the phone with Shay three weeks before when he had been hit with his first panic attack. Suddenly he was sweating, shaking, and gasping for air. Shay had coached him through it, counting up for the inhale and counting down for the exhales. Repeating the exercise he felt his breath begin to even out. 

Returning with the water, he crouched down next to her. Taking the glass from him, she showed him two pills in her other hand.

“I should warn you, these are going to knock me on my ass. I’ll probably be out eight, ten hours. You okay with that?”

“You’re already on your ass Shay.”

She swallowed the pills, chasing them with the entire glass of water. Sitting it on the floor beside her, she gripped the back of her neck tightly. “God I hope those kick in fast.”

“Does travel always trigger them?”

“No. I had a tension headache before I left. I haven’t been taking very good care of myself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Basic headache stuff. Hydration, sleep, stretching, massage.”

Shifting around to sit behind her on the couch Jensen squeezed her shoulders. “Like this?”

“Oh god yes.”

“So those late night conversations probably didn’t help did they?”

“Yes. No. Which answer will get you to keep doing that?” She leaned her head heavily against his knee.

He chuckled, his tension easing a bit, and pulled her long, heavy hair up and over his leg. He worked his way from her shoulder up to the nape of her neck. After a few minutes he felt the tiniest softening of the corded muscles under his fingers. Weaving his fingers through her hair he massaged the base of her skull and turned pensive.

“The last time I spoke with Dee, on the phone, she told me her head was killing her. I just never dreamed that could be the literal truth.” He felt her try to lift her head and then fall back heavily.

“Jay, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think.”

“It’s fine.” He shifted her head to his other knee and began to work the opposite side of her neck. “It’s just sometimes I wonder. If I had been there- maybe-”

“No. Jensen, don’t do that to yourself.” Her arm wrapped around his calf, hugging him from ankle to knee. “Even  _ if _ she’d gotten to the hospital before it happened, they would have had to run tests. MRI, CAT scan, spinal tap. Those take time. And  _ if _ they’d found it, they would have had to call in a neurosurgeon to operate. And probably some kind of OB to oversee it because she was pregnant.” He heard a slurring on her ‘s’ sounds. “Hell, I’m not even sure they would consent to operate on a woman that far along. But mostly I think she would have told you the exact same thing, gone to take the exact same nap, and had the exact same result.”

Her head had gotten heavier, and her words came slower. Clearly the medicine was kicking in. 

“Let’s get you up here before you pass out altogether.” 

After getting her on the couch he went to his room to gather a pillow and blanket. Returning he saw her tugging at the hoodie she had been wearing. The waistband caught the thin cotton tee she wore underneath pulling it up to reveal smooth skin stretched over her ribs, and the bottom curve of one breast. Averting his eyes, he put the pillow at one end of the L shaped couch, the blanket in the bend. After she was settled he pulled the blanket over her. As he reached her shoulders, her hand reached out and covered his own. 

“I’m sorry.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “I bring up such bad memories. I promise I don’t mean to.”

“You don’t bring the bad memories Shay. They’re always here.” He watched her heavy eyelids flutter over glassy eyes. “But you never shy away, no matter how bad they get. Maybe that’s why I don’t mind having you around.” Absently, he raked her hair out behind her on the pillow. “Sleep well.”


	2. February 23, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay wakes and is shaken by the surge of feelings that come up in the aftermath of Jensen's care.

The smell of coffee was the first thing Shay became aware of the next morning. Moving gingerly, she tested her neck and shoulders. The dregs of the headache were still there, but it was manageable. After a quick trip to the bathroom, she headed for the kitchen. And sagged against the doorway. The sight of Jensen dishing up two plates of eggs and toast brought back much from the night before. He had found her practically passed out on his doorstep, reminding him vividly of the worst time in his life, but he had helped her. And instead of feeling like a burden, she had felt…… comforted.

“Hey, just in time.” He studied her face. “You look better,” he concluded.

“Yeah. A little tender yet, but that usually goes away after a few hours.”

“Like a migraine hangover.”

She felt her mouth twitch. “Pretty much.”

“Do you want some coffee, breakfast?”

“Yes please. And about a gallon of water.”

Motioning for her to sit, he put both plates on the table. He bustled back and forth, bringing her water, coffee, cream and sugar, and finally silverware for them both before he sat down. The words welled up in her, demanding to be said.

“Jensen,” she waited until he met her eyes. “Thank you.”

“It’s just eggs,” he replied easily.

“It’s not. You took- you’re taking care of me. And if you hadn’t stopped in the lobby-” she cut off, uncomfortable. Scooping up a bite, she ate and smiled ruefully. “They’re good eggs.”

“What would have happened if I hadn’t been in the lobby?”

Glancing up she saw the resolve on his face and under it, something needy. Remembering their conversation about Daneel the night before, she answered him truthfully.

“I’m pretty sure the desk clerk was about two seconds from calling 911 on me. Once EMTs arrive, they’re pretty much obligated to take you to the ER. The doctors there would insist on all those tests I mentioned last night. That takes two, three hours easy. And the lumbar puncture requires at least two hours of monitoring afterward. So that’s half the night right there. And then they won’t release you unless you have someone to drive you home and watch you for at least twelve hours afterwards. It’s,” she swallowed thickly, “not fun.”

“And you’ve had to do all that.”

“Yeah.”

“And you were alone.”

She glanced up nervously, wondering how he knew. But no, he was probably still thinking of his wife. Again, she felt compelled to answer honestly.

“Sometimes. Sucks either way, but by yourself? Really bad.”

“Why were you by yourself?”

“Um, different reasons. And actually the last few times I’ve been in the hospital it was because I was with friends or family that just couldn’t  _ not _ take me. Thanks for not doing that by the way. I’m sure it must have been hard for you.”

“Well you seemed pretty coherent despite the pain. You said you’d seen all the doctors.”

Shay was embarrassed when she snorted a humorless laugh. “Yeah. All of the -ists and -ologies.”

“And none of them can do anything?

“There are medicines. With bad efficacy and worse side effects. But I get knocked down five, maybe ten days a year. There are lots of people who have them that suffer that many days a month. So I do my best to prevent them, and try to ride it out when I have to.”

Once they had finished breakfast, Shay insisted on cleaning up.

“I want to. And trust me, you’re gonna want to shower first. Once I get under that hot water I may decide not to come back out,” she joked.

After showering she spent a few extra minutes with her makeup, trying to hide the strain that still showed on her face. She finished dressing, grateful she had packed a quilted kimono jacket that would hide her lack of bra. She had gone along with the hangover metaphor, but truthfully the day after a migraine was more like remission. Any little thing could bring it back. Thank God today was supposed to be a short day. Her only responsibilities were to meet with wardrobe, and show the stunt director how well she could swim. She knew that she was likely to be slow today and that it would be all too easy to slip into frustration or fatigue.

Seeing she still had some time, Shay called down to the manager’s office. The woman was polite but quite firm that there was nothing available despite her reservation. Sighing Shay put down the phone. She could feel the tendrils of the headache flaring up. She swallowed half a pain pill and rubbed at her neck briefly, but stopped when she heard Jensen rummaging through a drawer. Grumbling in frustration he moved to another. After a third he gave up, and gathered both their coats. She grabbed her bag and followed him out the door. They rode the elevator in silence. Entering the lobby Jensen strode directly to the lobby desk and greeted the clerk by name.

“Good morning, Kyle. I need a favor from you. I’m headed out of town shortly, but I’m letting Ms. Martin stay in my apartment while she’s here. The thing is, I looked everywhere, but I couldn’t find my spare key. Do you have one I can lend her?

“Sure thing Mr. Ackles. Just one minute.” The young man retreated into an office.

Shay swallowed the lump in her throat. “Jay, thank you, but it’s not necessary.”

“I think it is. You’re good with make-up, but you looked better when you first woke up. It’s starting to hurt again isn’t it?”

Unwilling to lie to him, she nodded. “Maybe a little.”

“Do this for me.” He took one of her hands in both of his. “Don’t make me pull the guilt card and tell you how much I’ll worry if you’re all alone in a hotel somewhere.”

The clerk returned. “Here you go Mr. Ackles. And I’ll need to add your guest to the list of those allowed to enter the building. Your name ma’am?”

“Shay Martin. I already have a profile. I stayed in a short term unit about a month ago.”

“Ah, yep there you are. May I ask how long you’ll be with us this time?”

Shay shrugged, trying to act casual despite the thundering of her heart. “About a week or so. It just depends on how the work goes.”

“Okay, I’ll put it in here for two weeks, just to be safe. You two have a good day.”

Jensen shook the young man’s hand. “Thanks Kyle. See you later, man.”

Clif was already outside waiting with their ride to work.

“Sunshine! How you doin’ girl?” Clif climbed down out of the car to greet Shay. 

“Glad to be back big man, glad to be back.” She returned his hug, and climbed into the front seat. Jensen listened to the two of them catch up while he skimmed through Instagram.

*****

“Hi Jensen!”

He nearly slammed into Megan as she appeared from nowhere. Shay bumped into his shoulder and reached for the wall to balance herself. He didn’t like that she was still so unsteady. Despite Megan’s presence he put a hand on the small of Shay’s back and led her into the conference room. Inside, he was immediately greeted by Amber and Samantha. He introduced Shay to Sam who had not been on set when Shay had visited previously. When the women struck up a conversation he joined Jared, who was predictably at the craft services table. Chatting, Jensen made himself a coffee and picked up a few other things.

Taking a seat next to Shay he slid a cup towards her. “Tea. I wasn’t sure if you’d want any more caffeine.” 

The grateful look she gave him pinged in his chest, an echo from their breakfast conversation. “Perfect, thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of several days that had to be broken into pieces. In this case I wanted to stop here because the actors are about to do the the read through of the script for 12x17. Therefore that script will be the following chapter. After the script we'll return to see what happens in the rest of the day.


	3. Script 12 x 17 The British Incursion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This script is an alteration of 12 x 17 The British Invasion, keeping the plot lines from the British Men of Letters but skipping the other plot lines to make room for the return of the original fictional character Lexi Jager. Lexi was originally introduced in the Script 12 x 13 The Discovery of Alexandria. If you have found this and haven't read it, I highly recommend  
> It can be found here.  
> Carry On Part 1 Chapter 2: Script 12 x 13: The Discovery of Alexandria

TEASER

INT. Kendricks Academy, England -- 1987

Two boys in formal school uniforms walk through the halls of a lavish private school and enter an office marked Headmistress Dr. Hess. The office is opulent but has a large section of the floor covered with plastic.

  1. HESS: Timothy, Mick, you have both conquered many trials at Kendricks, through natural talent or hard work. Today, we will find out who moves on. Only one of you will be leaving this room.



CLOSE UP: Her hand pulls back a black cloth to reveal a knife.

Later, young Mick walks down the corridor towards Dr. Hess where she waits. She looks up. Mick is splattered with blood. 

MICK:Timothy fought well; he didn't want to die. 

  1. HESS: The Code demanded otherwise. 



Mick clutches the knife, covered in blood, in his hand.

INT. BRITISH MEN OF LETTERS OFFICE

Dr. Hess sits behind a desk. Mick enters and is stunned to see her.

MICK: Dr. Hess? Ma'am?

  1. HESS: (not looking up) The leadership grows very impatient with the lack of results from your American experiment. And now we have learned of a cosmic disturbance here on a level we have rarely seen. I suggest you get your house in order Mr. Davies, or it will cease to be your house.



She glares at him and he nods hurriedly.

SCREEN FLASHES BLACK

OPENING CREDITS

ACT I

INT. BUNKER WAR ROOM

Sam and Dean enter the bunker and start down the stairs before they notice Mick standing off to one side of the War Room, sipping a drink.

SAM: Mick? What are you doing here?

DEAN: And how'd you get in?

MICK: Ah, master key. Opens any Men of Letters bunker in the world. As to what I'm doing, I've been sent to ask you about a cosmic disturbance in the area.

DEAN: Sent? I thought you were the head of...whatever.

MICK: Everybody has a boss Dean. And mine just showed up here. Worrisome, that. I've never heard tell of her leaving the home office. So this disturbance, it must be important.

SAM: Yeah, about that. It's probably Kelly and the nephilim pregnancy.

MICK: A nephilim? That's rare, but I don't think it would cause this kind of commotion.

SAM: Well no, but this isn't just the child of any angel. It's the child of an archangel. Of Lucifer.

MICK: Lucifer. The actual devil. Satan himself spawned a child, and you knew about it, and didn't tell us?

SAM: I know we probably should have, but -

Dean's phone rings. He takes a few steps away from Sam and Mick. Pulling it out of his pocket he looks at it.

CLOSE UP ON PHONE: "Dean's other Phone"

DEAN: Hello?

INT. EMPTY HOUSE

Camera pans around room. Photographs and maps pinned on the wall with routes highlighted. A card table is set up with laptops showing surveillance of a house that we can also see out the window. On bare floors there are boxes full of books. One book sitting open atop a pile of others shows a page titled Nephilim. The camera pans up from the book and focuses on Lexi's face.

LEXI: Hi Dean.

INT. BUNKER WAR ROOM

DEAN: We've been trying to reach you all this time, and you're calling me on my own damn phone? What the hell were you thinking disappearing like that? We got back and you were just gone. All your promises of information from your precious archives, and we heard nothing, NOTHING, for weeks!

Sam and Mick both snap to attention. Sam hurries over, leaving Mick standing alone.

DEAN: (cont.) The least you could do is return a damned call. I KNOW Sam left messages.

Sam wrestles the phone out of Dean's hand, and puts it on speaker. Lexi's voice echoes angrily out of the phone.

LEXI: -being Men of Letters. I saw a man BLINK into existence, for god's sake! And then I wake up, who knows how much later, with NO idea what happened to me OR to the two of you.

INT. EMPTY HOUSE

SAM: Lexi, Lexi! It's Sam. You don't know how good it is to hear your voice.

Lexi's anger dissolves into a sad smile before she drags her free hand over her face.

LEXI: Sam. I got your messages. I'm .... I'm sorry I worried you. I had some things I had to do before I could risk contacting anyone again.

INT. BUNKER WAR ROOM

DEAN: But let me guess. Now you've finished whatever your oh so secret mission was, and you're calling for an update. Well here's your update sweetheart. You can quit running. Your cousin, and every other bloodsucker in the country, is dead.

LEXI: (scoffs) Yeah right. Keep dreaming Dean.

SAM: No, Lexi, he's telling you the truth. I killed the Alpha myself.

INT. EMPTY HOUSE

LEXI: You .... you killed the Alpha. The first EVER vampire.

SAM: Yeah. With the Colt.

LEXI: The Colt. The revolver made by Samuel Colt in 1835? I wasn't even sure that thing was real. Sam, that is ....

INT. BUNKER WAR ROOM

LEXI: (cont.) Damn, that is badass.

(Sam's face lights with pride.)

LEXI: (Audible sigh) But it doesn't mean that all vampires are gone. Hell, I'm tracking three of them right now.

SAM: (exchanging glances with Dean and then Mick) Are you sure?

INT. EMPTY HOUSE

Lexi holds a pair of binoculars up to her eyes.

Through the window of the house across the street we see signs of squatters, plus the bodies of small pets piled in the corner.

LEXI: Yup, pretty sure. They're not Andy's crew like I hoped, but-

MICK: That's not possible.

Lexi pulls the phone away from her ear and looks at it suspiciously.

LEXI: Who was that?

INT. BUNKER WAR ROOM

MICK: Mick Davies, British Men of Letters. And you are?

LEXI: I'm....(a long silence and then a dial tone)

MICK: What happened? Ring her back!

Sam attempts to reconnect and is sent immediately to voicemail.

MICK: Can you track the phone?

SAM: I’m sure she just lost the signal.

MICK: You are, are you? Because if it was my bird out there tracking something nasty, I'd want to make sure. Send in some bloody backup in case she needed help.

Sam nods and heads to his laptop.

DEAN: (in a warning voice) Sam.

SAM: This is the whole point of working with a group, Dean. We can't be everywhere at once. Look. It last pinged off a tower just north of Pittsburgh. That's gotta be 15 hours from here.

Mick is already jogging up the stairs.

MICK: I'll find out who we've got nearby and get them on it. No worries boys! We'll have her back in no time!

The Winchesters exchange concerned glances.

EXT. SLIGHTLY RUN DOWN RESIDENTIAL STREET

Ketch and Mary exit a black sedan, scanning the street. They gather weapons from the back seat.

KETCH: You're sure it's this one?

MARY: According to this thing, the phone is less than 100 feet, right there.

They cross the street and climb the stairs to the front door. Ketch pulls out his gun.

MARY: What are you doing? This is a hunter, a human being, we're looking for.

KETCH: Still, she may not be welcoming. Best to be prepared.

Mary reluctantly draws her gun as well. When they knock, the front door swings open with a horrible squeal. They enter, clearing the hallway, and in the background we see a jogger across the street just before the door closes.

EXT. SLIGHTLY RUN DOWN RESIDENTIAL STREET

Back of female jogger from outside the house. She stops next to Ketch's car, and pretends to tie her shoe as the camera pans around to show Lexi.

Lexi scoots closer to car and removes device to unlock doors. She begins to work on the car door and glances at the house.

INT. EMPTY HOUSE

Ketch signals that he will clear the first floor and for Mary to take the second. Mary looks unsure, but agrees. Camera follows Ketch from room to room, until we hear Mary yell OS for him to join her.

Ketch enters the room we saw previously. Lexi's things have been removed. The card table is still there, holding Dean's cell phone, and a number of scattered thumbtacks. The walls hold only five photographs. The first two are from the surveillance screens earlier. The other three contain headshots. They are very dark, but we can see three individuals who look like they might be squatters.

MARY: Well, she cleared out pretty fast, but at least she decided to share information.

KETCH: Isn't the point of calling for backup to actually wait for help to arrive? These Jagers really don't seem to get that.

MARY: What?

KETCH: Nothing. Ready to go kill some vampires?

MARY: I thought you'd never ask.

EXT. SLIGHTLY RUN DOWN RESIDENTIAL STREET

The squeal of the door alerts Lexi, who is half in the back seat of Ketch's car, her arm in a suit coat.

LEXI: (whispered) Shit!

She slithers out of the car and eases the door shut holding the handle carefully.

We hear two pairs of footsteps getting closer. Lexi is plastered up against the car, her eyes wide.

Camera follows Ketch and Mary around the back side of the car. Halfway up to the house under surveillance Mary turns as if she senses something. Camera shows Ketch's car - but no Lexi. Camera pans back to include car and house. Moments after the front door closes, the first gun shot sounds. Lexi rolls out from under the car and jogs back down the street the way she came.

FADE OUT

ACT II

EXT. GAS STATION ON BACK ROAD, LATE AFTERNOON

Lexi holds a phone to her ear and bends over the hood of her car, frowning at a map that has x's and o's drawn on it.

INT. IMPALA

Dean is driving, Sam in the passenger seat with a tablet. A phone is on the dash, with Unknown Caller on the screen.

SAM:

There's just no pattern to the victims. Age, gender, location, they're all over the place.

DEAN: Except the part where Donna told us that all the victims go missing except the blonde females, who turns up immediately with their faces bashed in, you mean.

EXT. GAS STATION ON BACK ROAD

Lexi throws her own blonde braid behind her shoulder. She traces her finger over the map.

LEXI: Yeah, it's Andy all right. And there is a pattern. All the victims were taken within half a mile of water. Either the Mississippi River or a smaller river that flows into it. They have to be traveling by boat.

SAM: You're right! I didn't even see that. But that still doesn't help us find the nest. There's gotta be 500 miles of river between all the victims.

INT. IMPALA

DEAN: According to Donna, all the victims were taken either north of Hastings, or south of Winona. My bet is they're holed up about halfway between.

SAM: That'd be the area around Trevino, I guess.

LEXI: That's good. There's a tributary here on my map, but it's not labeled. Do you see a name for it Sam?

Sam zooms in on the map on his tablet.

SAM: It's, uh, the Chippewa river.

LEXI: (excitedly) The Chippewa. Guys, I know where they are.

The impala roars toward the camera. Hwy 35 sign is visible on the side of the road.

INT. GENERIC CAR

Mick sits behind the wheel, glancing at the cell phone mounted to the dash.

CLOSE UP ON CELL PHONE: Two dots are visible traveling along highway 35.

MICK: (OS) Where the hell are you going lads?

FADE TO WHITE

EXT. WOODS NEAR RIVER

The Winchesters creep through snow covered woods, coming to a clearing that contains a cabin and a dock with a covered boat tied to it.

SAM: Looks like she was right.

DEAN: Yeah. Did the cover on that boat just move?

Camera views boat from Winchester's position. the cover jerks near the edge.

SAM: There could be somebody tied up in there.

DEAN: Let's go.

They creep down the dock, and pull the cover up dramatically. They find a frog trapped under the cover. They relax, exchanging amused grins. Turning, their grins drop as they see a dozen vampires gathered near the land end of the dock.

HEAD VAMPIRE: Not who I was waiting for, but you'll do. We're gonna have fresh meat tonight boys!

DEAN: You must be Andy. I got a message from a friend of mine.

ANDY: Well, what is it?

DEAN: (pulls out the machete and twirls it in his hand) Oh, it's less the kind I tell you, and more the kind you get when I chop your head off.

Andy snarls and rushes the dock. The other vampires follow, but are bottle necked. Andy goes for Dean and another leaps past them to get to Sam. The boys fight, but are badly outnumbered.

A car door is heard OS. Mick comes running down to the dock, a pistol in one hand and a cricket bat in the other. He fires his gun into the chest of the vampires at the end of the dock, knocking them back a step. He rushes the dock, shooting and using the bat to knock the vampires off of the dock. He reaches the boys who make a defensive triangle with their backs together.

DEAN: Not that I'm not glad to see you, Mick, but you just brought a bat to a knife fight.

Focus on foreground where Blood drips off Dean's machete. Indistinctly we see vampires coming up out of the water and climbing back onto the Dock in the background.

FADE OUT

ACT III

INT. LEXI'S CAR

Lexi is driving on dirt road through trees. Entering the clearing, she sees the fighting on the dock.

LEXI: (shaking her head) You just couldn't wait for me could you?

EXT. WOODS NEAR RIVER

A vampire guarding the end of the dock rushes toward her. Instead of hitting the brakes she guns the engine, hitting it and bumps up and down as she runs over it. Opening the door she swings down with the machete three times before managing to behead the vampire.

Pulling a rifle from the passenger seat, she exits the car and kneels by the front tire, using the hood to steady her shot. She fires, and one vampire on the dock is suddenly without eyes. Taking aim again, the vampire nearest land takes two bullets through the knee. Gore splatters out of it's leg as it falls to the ground. She sees a vampire rip the bat from Mick's hands and hit Sam in the head with it.

DEAN: Sam!

LEXI: Shit!

She shoots quickly, and the vampire holding the bat drops it, closing his hands over his throat, now squirting blood. Looking for another quick shot, Lexi shakes her head in frustration.

LEXI: Damn it!

Lexi runs for the lake, shedding her heavy jacket and boots on the way. She dives into the water and begins swimming for the spot where Sam went under. She comes up to get her bearings, takes a deep breath and dives.

On the dock, Mick is down, a vampire feeding from his upper arm. Dean is battling the last two vampires standing, but is distracted by his worry for Sam.

WIDE SHOT OF LAKE AND DOCK: We see Lexi Resurface with a limp Sam. She struggles toward shore under Sam's weight. Behind them Dean returns to the fight with new energy.

Lexi reaches shore, but is unable to pull more than Sam's torso out of the water. She collapses half under him, but still tries to find a pulse with shaking fingers. Dean appears, covered in blood splatters.

DEAN: Is he...?

LEXI: Alive. Help me turn him.

Together they heave Sam onto his side, and he coughs up lake water. Mick stumbles up, clutching his blood soaked arm.

MICK: This wasn't supposed to happen. None of this had to happen. If you lot would just work with us...

LEXI: What?

DEAN: Can it! We've got to get inside, and patched up, or none of us are gonna last the night.

INT. CABIN MAIN ROOM

Dean and Lexi are helping Sam shuffle toward a recliner next to a fireplace. Once he's in it, Dean stretches and winces.

DEAN: I'll go rescue Mick from whatever tree he's holding up.

LEXI: I'll start getting him warm.

CLOSE UP: Lexi's face through the flames.

Lexi leans over Sam, tapping his face.

LEXI: Sam, wake up. Hey, stay with me Sammy.

SAM: I'm with you.

LEXI: Good. Because I need to get you out of these wet things, and that'll be a lot easier with your help.

SAM: (smiling weakly) You're always taking my clothes.

She pulls a wicked looking knife from behind her and leans in close to his face.

LEXI: (grinning) That's right, I am. Now hold very, very still so that's all I take.

She smooths his hair back off of his face before carefully cutting his t-shirt down the front. Once she's done she helps him remove his arms. As she is pulling his arms free, Sam spasms and crumples in the chair.

LEXI: Sam! (pressing her ear to his chest) Dean!

Dean burst through the door, dragging Mick behind.

DEAN: What happened?

LEXI: His heart I think. He has a pulse, but it's so weak. We have to get him warm NOW. Get the rest of these wet clothes off, I'll get blankets.

Lexi carries a pile of blankets to Dean. She looks down at Sam before blinking purposefully and averting her eyes. Her face shows a mix of surprise and admiration. Mick sits in a chair in the background behind her unsuccessfully trying to bandage his own arm.

MICK:Oi! A little help here?

Lexi crosses to him and takes over bandaging his upper arm.

LEXI: Outside, you said this didn't have to happen. What did you mean?

MICK: Bloody Americans. Stubborn, bullheaded..... we asked nicely you know. (Mick's speech is slurred, and his movements drunken from blood loss.) Offered money, power, position. But not one of them would take it. Except Andy. And he didn't even know where the bloody archives were! So we had him bring you to the warehouse, but he had to go off, playing cowboy, before we could get there. Ow!

(Lexi has tied off his bandage savagely.)

Lexi stands so fast her chair topples over and slams against the floor. She backs away shaking. Mick tries to follow, reaching out to grab her but stumbles and passes out. His head cracks against the floor. Dean rounds the couch at the commotion.

DEAN: What's going on?

Lexi continues backing away until she bumps into the back of the couch. She is still shaking, and staring at Mick's collapsed form with a crazed look on her face.

LEXI: It’s him. He's the "friend" that told Andy where the vamp nest was. They were trying to get to me. But instead... and now they're all...

DEAN: Hey. Hey, it's okay, it's not- (he starts to take her hand only to draw back sharply) Shit, Lexi, you're freezing! Why haven't you changed?

DEAN takes Lexi's hand and leads her around the couch until she stands in front of the fireplace. She stares unseeing at his chest.

DEAN: Lexi. Hey, look at me. (He snaps in front of her eyes. Lexi blinks rapidly, and her unfocused eyes sharpen, looking up at his face) Take off your clothes. Now.

Lexi's looks startled for a moment before understanding sets in. She nods. Dean turns his back. He pulls the couch closer and sets up a pallet for her, and holds a blanket up to wrap her in before turning back. Lexi stands where she was before, her hands holding her shirt but shaking so badly she has not managed to undo a single button.

DEAN: Damn it Lexi.

He grabs the tails her shirt and rips, buttons pinging across the floor. Pulling it roughly from her arms, he wraps the blanket around her shoulders.

CLOSE UP: On their faces, gazes locked. Never taking his eyes off hers, we hear a zipper os, and he moves in a way that suggests he is working her jeans over her hips.

Dean half lifts Lexi and lays her on the couch. Making sure she is wrapped in blankets from neck to hip, he removes her boots and works the wet jeans over her knees and off her legs. Wrapping her lower legs securely, he moves to sit in another plush chair. He stares at Lexi's face as her breathing settles. He shifts his focus to Sam, and finally to the fire before he sighs heavily and closes his eyes.

Focus on the fireplace and gradually fade to black

EXT. CABIN

Sam and Lexi exit the cabin deep in conversation.

SAM: You don't have to run. You can come back with us.

LEXI: To your "secret" bunker. I'm sorry Sam, but no, I can't.

Lexi frames Sam's face in her hands and pulls him down to press a kiss to his cheek. Then she begins to whisper in his ear.

LEXI: Don't ever let them know you've seen the archives Sam. They will HURT you to find out any scrap of information.

She pulls away and looks at him intently as she continues to hold his face. He nods slowly in understanding. A car door slams OS causing them to look over. Dean is leaning on Lexi's trunk.

DEAN: So, you're all packed up and ready to go.

Dean runs a hand on top of the trunk. Lexi crosses, and leans back on the trunk as well, keeping some space between them.

LEXI: Thank you. I need you to take this, keep it safe for me.

She hands him a folded piece of paper. He opens it and frowns.

DEAN: There's no names with these numbers.

LEXI: (in a quiet voice) The top one is me. Well, not a direct line, but I will be able to get any message you leave there. The others ..... they're burner phones. I gave them out to the few people I managed to find. I programmed them with your number in case they need help.

Lexi stands as if to leave. Dean's hand darts out, grabbing her by the upper arm as he shoots to his feet. He pulls her around to face him, giving her a little shake.

DEAN: Why us? Why wouldn't they call you?

LEXI: If these people need help, it's BECAUSE of me. Because .... someone .... might try to use them to GET to me. (She reaches up and places her hand over Dean's heart) I'm trusting you with the only people I have left.

SAM: (appearing at Dean's side) They're not the only people you have.

Lexi looks at each of the brothers wistfully. She backs away, shaking her head no. She opens the driver door and dashes tears from her cheeks before looking back at them.

LEXI: Take care of each other.

INT. LEXI’S CAR

Lexi starts the car, and begins driving away. The Winchester brothers shrink in the rear windshield, watching her leave.

SUNLIGHT GLARES OFF REAR VIEW MIRROR

SCREEN FADES TO WHITE

INT. BRITTISH MEN OF LETTERS OFFICE

Mick sits at a table across from Dr. Hess. Ketch stands in the background.

HESS: You're telling me you were face to face with the last Jager archivist and you didn't manage to bring her in?

MICK: I was half conscious from blood loss. And it's not as if the Winchesters would let me just bash an innocent woman on the head and throw her in the boot of my car.

HESS: (rising from the table) I don't give a damn about the Winchesters! They, and all the American hunters are a hindrance to our work and must be treated as such.

MICK: Dr. Hess, I know you don't approve of their methods, but they are saving human lives, fighting the good fight.

HESS: And losing. No, the American experiment has failed utterly.

She gives a small jerk of her head. Ketch shoots Mick without warning. He falls to the table, a bullet hole in the center of his forehead.

HESS: Find the archivist. As for the hunters, put out a kill order. On all of them.

She drops a thick pile of files onto the table next to Mick's dead body. Ketch nods at her as she exits the room.

CLOSE UP: The files, each titled with a hunter's name. The top two tabs read Winchester, D. and Winchester S. Further down is Mills, J. and Novak, C.

FADE OUT


	4. February 23, 2017 pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The completion of the first day working on The British Incursion, and a bit of domesticity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ADR stands for Automated Dialogue Replacement and is common for actors to have to re-record or "loop" their own dialogue due to sound disturbances during the original recording.

Shay sat back in her chair, exhausted. It was the medicine she knew. The read through had gone smoothly, the cast and crew being so used to each other that they worked seamlessly together. A hand alighted on her shoulder.

“Hey, you good?”

“Yeah, I’m good. I am.” Christ, this man with his genuine concern and his soft touches were going to be the end of her. Behind him she saw Jared watching with a calculating look. So she directed her next comments at him.

“I’m damn good.” She sent a wink along with the words at Jared for good measure. “You boys have fun now.”

Jared leaned across Jensen to whisper to her. “Oh, we will. I’ve got some really good stuff in store for Adam.” 

Knowing Jared’s love of pranks Shay tried to bite back a smile and failed miserably. She settled for placing a finger across her lips in a shushing motion. Conspiratorially, she whispered back, “Good luck.”

Standing, she joined Denise, head of wardrobe, and Megan her assistant back to the wardrobe department to go over the options for her character. Most of the female hunter garb was pretty standard for the show, and after a few quick measurements Denise disappeared back into the racks. Megan stayed with Shay to help her in and out of the wetsuits dropped off by the scuba team that would be assisting with the lake rescue. 

“Geez, they sure don’t make these things easy to get into do they?” Megan huffed, trying to pull a zipper over Shay’s upper back.

“They really don’t.” Shay hunched and lowered her shoulders trying to get comfortable in the suit. Circling her arms, Shay shook her head.

“This is why I hate the long sleeved ones. They never fit me through the shoulders, and it really slows me down in the water. I’ve got a sleeveless one at home that fits like a dream.”

“Well, why didn’t you bring it?” Megan was now tugging on the ill-fitting suit trying to get it off of Shay’s arms.

“Not nearly warm enough. These are all probably six or seven millimeters thick. I don’t think they even make the long-john ones thicker than three or four. Okay,” Shay took a deep breath, “last one. Let’s hope it works.” She began wriggling her feet into the legs. “Hey, are you going to have to do this with Jared too?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well, if anybody would have problems fitting their shoulders into a wetsuit, it’d be him wouldn’t it?”

“I guess,” the younger woman mused, “It’s a shame Jensen’s not going in the water as well.” At Shay’s snicker, Megan looked up alarmed, as if she had just realized she had spoken out loud.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Shay giggled, “I’m just trying to imagine trying a bow legged wetsuit.” The women laughed together for a minute. 

“So how’s this one fit?” Megan asked as they calmed down. Shay put her arms through range of motion exercises, grimacing a few times. 

“Still pulls here,” she said touching the seams to the sleeves, “but by far the best we’ve had so far.”

*****

Shay loved to swim. She loved that she could feel the speed of moving through water on her skin, the length of her stroke and power of her legs propelling her forward. Even more, she loved the sensory dampening qualities. Sounds were cut to the barest of whispers, sight limited to a soothing blue field with strong black lines to guide her. When she was underwater she felt strong and free. 

Completing her warm up, Shay leaned her head back on the edge of the pool to slow her breathing. She saw Tony, head of stunts talking with Mike, Jared’s long time stunt double. She hoisted herself out of the pool and crossed to them. 

“You said you could swim,” Tony chuckled, “you never said you were part fish.”

“Shhhhh!” Shay looked around as if to see if anyone was listening. “How did you know? I left my tail at home and everything!” She grinned at her own joke.

“Laugh all you want. You wouldn’t believe how many people I’ve worked with that told me they could swim but then when it came down to it could barely doggy paddle. You look like you were born to it.”

“It is absolutely one of my favorite things.”

“Well then this should be easy.”

It wasn’t easy. Shay had started the day worried about fatigue and frustration, and despite her headache being completely gone, she had experienced a great deal of both in the last half hour. Swimming in clothes was hard. The weight of the soaked denim and flannel tried to pull her to the bottom, and the drag cut her momentum down to a crawl.

Their first task was to calculate how many strokes she would need to take to reach her mark in the water. She was irked to realize it was probably twice as many as she would usually need to cover the same distance. Then they choreographed her rescue of Sam. This part at least was familiar, since her many lifeguarding courses had covered recovery of passive victims. Although Shay doubted she’d ever been tasked with rescuing such a large victim, and certainly never without a rescue tube.

“Don’t worry about speed,” Tony told her, “we’ve got divers who are going to be pulling you on a wire. And Jared will have flotation devices on his back, so you don’t really need to hold him up. It just needs to look like you’re propelling the two of you through the water.”

Mike chimed in. “It’s not real sweetheart. If it was, I’d be dead at least once a month.” 

She smiled at him. “I get it. It just feels strange.” She began working to remove the waterlogged clothes while Mike exited the pool.

“You comin’?” Tony called down.

“Nah, I’m gonna take a few laps until I feel normal again. Throw me my goggles?” She grinned when he sling-shotted them into the water, and pushed off the wall into her own personal oasis.

*****

Jensen checked the clock. Four minutes later than the last time he had looked. He wasn’t worried he assured himself. He just …. thought Shay would have been back before the food arrived. He looked at the huge order of Mexican food that had just been delivered. Well, he didn’t know what she liked, but there was plenty, so he’d take a little of everything so she’d still have all the options. 

He had only taken his second bite when he heard the key in the lock. Shay slipped in, a smile on her face, and her hair still dripping. 

“You do realize you’re in Canada, right?” He asked pointing to the wet spots on her coat.

“Aww come on Mom, it went up to 50 today,” she teased while piling her hair up into a messy bun, “and besides, I wore my hat all the way home, I promise. I only took it off in the elevator.” She shook the beanie in front of him before removing her coat and hanging it up.

“Oh, that smells good. What are you having?”

He watched her eyes widen as he listed all the foods he had ordered. “And there’s some of everything still in the kitchen. Get whatever you like.”

She headed for the kitchen, returning with a plate piled high. When she sat, she reached over and squeezed his hand for a moment. 

“You are a prince among men, Jensen Ackles. I am starving.” He noticed that her hand was shaking.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeahmp,” she nodded her mouth full. She swallowed and continued. “Just really, really hungry. I haven’t swam that hard in a long time. I forgot how much energy it takes.” 

He believed her. Especially when she went back for more nachos as soon as she had emptied her plate. He grinned as she slumped down in her chair, eating at a more leisurely rate. 

“So you’re all set for the water stunts?”  
“Yeah. They’re not easy, but like Tony said, we’re gonna have wet suits and flotation devices and a wire pulling us to shore. Our job is just to make it look like none of that stuff is there.”

They chatted for a while longer, as they finished eating and tidied away the mess. Midway through her phone began ringing. Glancing up at the clock she startled.

“Oh, it’s my kids bedtime call! Do you mind?”

“Of course not. Go on. This is pretty much done anyway.”

He gave the counter a wipe and listened to her greet her kids. He had spoken with JJ a few hours earlier. It occurred to him as he moved Shay’s suitcase into JJ’s room that he probably should have mentioned that he was letting someone stay in it. But she had been in such a good mood, so much more like the little girl she was before, he had spent most of the call listening to her plan her upcoming playdate with the Padaleckis. 

He looked around and decided to try to try to scrape up at least one layer of the hundreds of frilly things that seemed to make up his daughter’s room. He removed the stuffed animals and dolls that took up half of the twin bed, and decided to swap out the pink ruffled blanket and pillow for the ones that Shay had used on the couch the night before. He was clearing the desk when he heard singing from the next room. 

It was a lullaby he supposed, although by the energetic voices pouring out of the phone he doubted that it was helping to put anyone to sleep. He half listened to her finish her call, continuing to gather things that made the room look crowded or cluttered and trying to find a place for them in the closet. From the doorway came a sound that he associated with women who have just seen a puppy.

Shay stood, her eyes lit with laughter, fingers pressed against her curved lips. “It’s …. so….” she shook her head unable to finish.

“Pink?” he offered.

“Pink,” she agreed, “and girly, and adorable. It’s a nice change from navy and gray, laser guns and monster trucks,” she grinned. “I came to get my comb, so I can start working on this mess.” She unwound the topknot of her hair, and it fell in damp sections down over her shoulders. He pointed to where he had stashed her suitcase in the corner, and got out of her way. 

In the living room he channel surfed until he found a game he wanted to watch. Eventually Shay joined him, sitting on the other leg of the L-shaped couch and picking through her hair with the comb. When a commercial came on she turned to him.

“So how did Adam handle Jared’s antics?” she asked him.

“Like a champ. Of course he’s worked with us before, so he’s had some practice. Good thing too. If Jared had hammed it up too long, I never would have gotten through my ADR work.” 

“You’ve been doing a lot of that lately.” 

“Tons. But at least it’s quicker than all of the intro and exit work I’ve been doing to try to catch up on the faceless Dean shots.

“Faceless De- ow! I’m sorry, hold that thought.” She crossed into the bedroom, and Jensen could see her spritzing her hair liberally with some kind of product.

“Problem?” he asked when she returned.

“Not usually, but sometimes it can be a bitch to detangle. So, faceless Dean, explain that to me.”

“Well, ah, they did a lot of little cheats before the holidays to make it look like Dean was in the room even though I was ….. back home.” He swallowed back the pressure he always felt in his throat when talking about that time. Shay reached over and rubbed his knee gently.

“How’d they cheat?”

“Um, mostly Todd, my stunt guy. He’d stand so his shoulder was in the foreground on Jared’s coverage, or have his feet propped on the table the way I do. And Dean’s going on a real handy man kick in the next couple of episodes. They filmed whole scenes with Todd under the Impala, half in a cabinet fixing the kitchen sink, even up on a ladder head and shoulders up in the ceiling. So when I got back, I just had to do the intro or exit shot, and then loop the dialogue in, like today.”

“That’s brilliant. And it’ll drive the fangirls nuts. They love it when they get to see the boys do domestic shit.”

“That’s true, I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“Oh yeah,” Shay giggled, “nothing sexier than a man who knows how to use his hands.” She pulled the comb through her hair and winced.

“No offense, but do you know how to use yours? It can’t possibly take that long to fix your hair everyday.”

She huffed out a sigh and flung the comb down. “It doesn’t. Or didn’t, until I left here last time. I actually called Kelly not long after I got home because there was such an obvious change. Turns out all that gunk they were putting to make my hair look sudsy in the shower scene wasn’t just shampoo. It had dish soap in it too. Stripped all the natural oils right out. Ever since, it’s just been one big tangled mess.”

He picked up the comb and patted the couch between his knees. “Come sit.”

“Jensen, you can’t-”

“Why not? I do it for JJ all the time.” Seeing her reluctance, he tugged at her wrist until she left the couch and sat between his feet. Working his fingers into her hair, he began lifting and smoothing small sections. He grinned as she started babbling a million miles a minute.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with it. I’ve seriously thought about cutting it all off, but I really don’t want to. I did it once as a teenager and I didn’t really care for it. I mean it looked okay I guess, bu-”

“Speaking of the shower scene,” he cut easily across her nervous chatter, “I got to see the finished edit today.”

“What? How?” she twisted around to look at him. He smiled, twisting a strand of hair around his finger.

“Had to redo my dialogue from that one too.”

“Seriously!? That boom might as well have been on our heads. No way it didn’t pick you up. Wait, do I need to go in too?”

“I don’t think so. Your face was so expressive they may have decided to take out whatever lines you did have.” He picked up the comb and started running it through the section of her hair that was now mostly tangle free.

She turned her face away from him before asking hesitantly, “Did it look okay?”

“It looked,” he thought of the involuntary clench he had experienced while watching it earlier, “amazing. As in, I’ve done full on sex scenes that weren’t that hot.”

Shay didn’t say anything, but as he pulled the hair back from the side of her face, he saw the pink flush working it’s way up her neck, and the trace of a secret smile on her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter has our first bit of implied sexual content, so if that makes you uncomfortable feel free to skip it. However, I should mention that the third part of this story is chock full of it. You've been warned!


	5. February 24, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hot and steamy can have more than one meaning.

Strains of music reached him in the darkness of sleep. He lay still, soaking in the sultry sounds, letting the anticipation build. Before he had decided to move he heard water running. Confused, he opened his bleary eyes and peered around the room. The smooth, undisturbed side of the bed reminded him of where, or rather when, he was. Rolling onto his stomach, he groaned into the pillow and went back to sleep. 

Turning the shower on to warm, Jensen hoped hot water would work some of the tension from his neck after sleeping on it wrong. He rolled his head around and dropped it forward. His gaze landed on the erection he had woken with. No amount of hot water was going to soothe that away. Sighing, he stepped behind the curtain and found Shay standing under the spray. 

Her smile was shy, but she reached for his hands and placed them on her hips in a loose approximation of the pose they had used at the beginning of the shower scene for the show. She tilted her head back letting the water rinse over her scalp and waterfall from the tips of her hair. Was she going to slip? But no, there was no prop cast, no shower curtain costume. She stood firmly on two strong legs. Her hips flowed around her soft belly and up to skin stretched taut over arched ribs. Small breasts tilted upward offering up nipples of the palest pink, the edges barely discernible from her breasts. And just as when he had worked with her, he found his eyes tracing the line of her neck up to the line that ran under the edge of her jaw. 

As if still following the script he ran one hand down to her thigh, lifting it to prop her delicate foot on the edge of the tub. But he wasn’t working now, and he was free to skim that hand up the smooth skin of the back of her leg. His breath came out harshly when he felt her slick readiness. Bending he took one nipple in his mouth, pleased by the way it pebbled in his mouth. 

Shay moaned, deepening her bend and pressing one hand to the shower wall. He clutched her to him, moving his mouth higher up her throat until he found the sensitive spot just behind the curve of her jaw. He scraped his teeth there, wanting to hear her moan again. Her gasp was nearly as satisfying. Gliding his fingers over her, he found the angle she liked best and began a slow but increasing tempo. Winding one hand into the heavy mass of her wet hair, he cradled her head as she leaned into the sensation. Her hand slipped between their bodies and grasped the hot length of him loosely. She matched the rhythm of his own hand. He had the contrary desire to both speed up and somehow drag out this moment.

Panting, she raised her head and her heavy lidded eyes met his own. She must have seen a question on his face, because she nodded. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she leaned in until she was skimming her lips over his own. He tried to open to her, but she pushed against his shoulders with her upper arms, raising herself onto her toes, and with one roll of her hips she had lined up her opening perfectly at his tip. Looking into his eyes, she lowered herself even as she licked his lips open, ensuring that they penetrated each other simultaneously. Loosening her control she took from his mouth, giving back needy little sounds that he absorbed as he pushed up into her tight core. He felt a noise in his own throat as she took him all the way to the hilt. 

His control snapped and he found himself pushing her against the wall, both his hands holding her, her legs wrapped up over his hips. Pulling back enough to make sure she was okay, he saw her smile through her lust filled gaze. She reached up, securing a hold on both the shower head and curtain rod.

“Yes,” the whisper hissed into the shell of his ear. He realized it was the first word either of them had spoken. He should probably say something, but his body was way ahead of him, setting a furious pace that wiped words from his brain. He raced toward heaven with every thrust and as his rhythm stuttered a sound was finally ripped from his mouth.

“Mmph!” The sound made his eyes snap open. Glancing around, breathing heavily, he turned and for the second time that morning groaned into his pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writer's curiosity. Did you know it was a dream? In a good way or a bad way? Always looking for feedback!  
> Also I don't intend to put lyrics into the story, but music does play a pretty hefty role, so I will give the title and the artist of the songs I use in the after notes.  
> For this chapter I was imagining Way Down We Go by Kaleo or Young and Beautiful by Lana Del Ray


	6. February, 24 2017 pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay meets a few new people from the Supernatural family.

Shay entered the hair and make-up trailer to find Samantha already sitting while Kelly styled her hair. Amber stood at the far end, sorting through palettes of color.  
“G’morning, ladies.”  
“Morning. You look …. refreshed.” Sam smiled knowingly.  
“I am. Good night’s sleep, early yoga class, nice long shower, I’m a whole new person.” Shay sipped her coffee. “But wait. You’d never even seen me before yesterday. And you could tell I was feeling bad? Oh, my father would be so ashamed.”  
“Your father?”  
Sam and Kelly spoke at the same time. They glanced at each other in the mirror and Kelly continued. “What do you mean about your father?”  
“Well, he’s in the industry.” Shay motioned to Amber’s end of the trailer covered in prosthetics and pictures of the actors in different states of disarray. “What good is it being the daughter of a make-up artist if you can’t even cover a lousy headache, right?”  
Amber looked up. "Your father's in the business? What's his - Martin. Anders Martin is your father?"  
"Yeah. Have you met him?"  
“Once. I took a class, ages ago. He- you guys don't understand, some of the projects he’s worked on are the reason I got into the business. I mean the prosthetics and animatronics in Aliens alone… Wait, it’s you! You’re the little girl from Aliens!”  
“Guilty. Just proves the old saying is true. In Hollywood it's not what you know, it's who you know.”  
*****  
Shay didn’t notice when the double buzzer rang, but she did look up when she felt the couch dip beside her. Sam drank from her bottle of water before peeking at the book in Shay’s lap.  
“Whatcha got?”  
Shay flipped the book closed to show her the front cover, “Good author, strong storylines, primarily female characters, and I hear HBO is in talks for the production rights.”  
“You lookin’ for your next gig?”  
“Always.” She grinned at the other actress, “I’ve had fun with this part, but it’ll be done soon. And my next part needs to be something closer to home. I miss my boys.”  
“I understand that, I’ve got one of my own.” Sam smiled, “Of course you know Supernatural thinks of itself as its own kind of family.”  
“So I’ve heard. And it is about the closest knit cast and crew I’ve ever worked with.”  
“Oh, absolutely. Probably because so many of us have been here since the beginning. And just like any family we notice when someone new comes in and shakes things up.”  
Shay looked at her surprised, “Shakes things up…. you mean me?”  
“Yes you,” Sam reached over and gave her hand a squeeze, “A few weeks ago, I really thought we were going to lose Jensen. Didn’t think he’d even finish out the season. But then you showed up, and he started coming back to life. He’s talking again, smiling,” Sam raised one eyebrow wickedly, “fetching tea.”  
Shay chuckled at the woman’s arch look. “He’s a sweet guy. He knew I was coming down from a migraine.”  
“Sweet on you?”  
Shay chortled at the idea. “No, just sweet in general.” When Sam continued to look at her expectantly, Shay shook her head. “Honestly, it’s not like that.” She searched for a way to explain, her eyes going distant. “Grief is a strange thing. Everyone experiences it eventually, but until they do it’s impossible to make them understand it. Jensen and I, we understand each other.”  
“Because you’ve lost someone.”  
Shay nodded, bringing her eyes back to focus on Sam’s. “My husband died a couple of years ago. Car crash.”  
“I am so sorry. I never should have…..I didn’t know.”  
Shay looped her arm through Sam’s, “There’s no reason you should have. And besides, you were looking out for one of your own. I would expect nothing less from Mama Winchester.”  
*****  
“Okay my babies, I love you. I’ll see you again tomorrow.”  
“Night Mommy!”  
“Night-Night”  
Standing in the kitchen, Shay hit the button to end the video call. She blinked a few times against the dampness in her eyes. Grabbing her glass of water, she rounded the corner to rejoin Jensen and his friend Jason in the living room. She was halfway to the couch when she realized both men were openly staring at her.  
Coming up short, she stared back. “What?”  
“We heard you sing.” Jensen’s voice sounded strangely flat.  
“You’re good.” Jason’s face was lit up in a way that made her think of mischievous children before christmas.  
“Aw, thanks. Remember folks, I’m here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waiters.”  
Jason cracked up, but Jensen continued to stare as she sat back down. She looked back bemused.  
“You’ve heard me sing before.”  
“That wimpy under-your-breath thing you do when the radio is on in the car, yeah. But I’ve never heard you really sing.”  
The way he was looking at her, plus the things he was saying made her pulse pick up.  
“Don’t mind him. He gets like that when he’s drunk,” Jason quipped.  
Of course. They had been hanging out for over two hours, and the bottle of Sazerac that Jensen had opened when Jason had arrived was nearly half gone. Shay knew her glass had been refilled once, and the guys probably more.  
“So do you play too? Have you been sitting here this whole time itching for your turn?” Jason was full of questions.  
“I’ve been trying to learn, but it’s slow going.”  
“Yeah? What have you been practicing?”  
“Um, Leaving On A Jet Plane? You know, the three chord version.” She added self-deprecating.  
He played the first couple of bars quickly, easily. Then he held the guitar out to her.  
“Let’s hear it.”  
“Oh, no, I’m not ready to play for people. I’m still really clumsy with it.”  
“Oh, come on! We’re not people, we’re just us.”  
Shay giggled at that. Taking the guitar gingerly, she strummed the chords a few times, then played the first couple of notes. Taking a deep breath, she decided to go for it. Starting again, she began playing and singing along with it. She was much slower than any published version, and she tripped up changing chords several times, but fortunately it was a song she knew well and was able to adjust the vocals in spite of her mistakes. When she finished and looked up, Jason was beaming back at her.  
“Encore, encore!”  
“Ha! Nope, sorry, that is literally the only thing I can sing and play at the same time right now. Give me a couple months and maybe I’ll have a new one.” She handed the guitar back to him. He began strumming the opening for a song she was familiar with, but couldn’t name.  
“I can’t believe you can sing.” Jensen’s voice startled her. With his eyes closed and his head thrown back against the couch, she had half thought that he was asleep.  
“Oh wow, you are drunk aren’t you?”  
“No.” He opened his eyes and rolled his head toward her, “I mean yes, but does that really matter?”  
She chuckled at him, “I think it might.”  
He leaned forward, making a pouty face and gave his head a small shake. “Nuh-uh. I know what I heard.” He began to list sideways.  
“Do you need to lay down?”  
“Yes. I think - yes.”  
He let himself topple back into the corner of the couch. He smirked at her and then threw his legs across her lap, pinning her in place.  
“Oh, nuh-uh, you are not putting your big ass stinky feet on me!” It wasn’t quite a squeal, but close enough. Laughing he scooted further down until his head was propped on the arm of the couch and his knees were angled over her legs. She was still in that position several minutes later when her phone rang. She had to shift to get her phone from her back pocket, and took the opportunity to shove Jensen’s legs off of her own.  
“Hello?”  
“Shay? Hi, it’s Jared.”  
“Hey, how you doing?”  
“Good. So, some of the stunt guys decided that since we’re gonna be out at the lake for two full days and it’s so far from town that they were going to rent this cabin to stay in. Thing is this place is huge, it sleeps like 20, and they’re looking to split the bill. They knew I’d be up for it and asked me if I’d reach out to some of the others that need to be there both days as well. I can send you a link so you can see the place. It’s really nice. Fireplace, game room, jacuzzi and I can guarantee you’ll have your own bed. Might be a bunk bed, but still. It should be a good time. You interested?  
“Yeah, that sounds like fun. I’m in.”  
“Great. I was really hoping you’d say yes. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”  
“Kay. Bye Jared.”  
She sat, smiling down at the phone.  
“What was that?”  
“Jared, he invited me to -” she cut off when his phone began buzzing loudly on the table. He picked it up and raised one incredulous eyebrow.  
“Jared, what’s up?” He listened, probably to the same pitch she had just heard. “I don’t know man, that sounds like a lot of people.” Shay could hear Jared talking fast, and thought she heard her own name. “Hmm. I guess I can try. If it gets to be too much I might just crash early, okay? Yeah. Fine, put me down. Yeah. Bye.”  
Putting the phone back on the table, Jensen flopped back down on the couch, this time curling into the space available and pillowing his head on her thigh. Shay ran her hand over his head and grinned when he stretched and leaned into her touch like a cat.  
“So drunk,” she laughed, raking her nails over his scalp and letting her own head fall back to the couch.  
“Which one of you?” Jason joked.  
“Probably both,” Shay started to pick up her head only to let it drop again, “oh, definitely me.”  
Jensen snorted and looked at the clock. “Well guys, this has been fun, but we’re gonna need to wrap it up.”  
“Aw come on! It’s barely nine o’clock!” Jason protested.  
“Yeah, and some of us have to be up in six hours ready to work a whole day.”  
“Sucks to be you.” Jason’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.  
“On occasion.”  
“Maybe Shay will give us a lullaby before we go.”  
“Just one?”  
“How many do you know?” Jason asked.  
“‘Bout half a dozen. But I pretty much do the same two every night. The boys each have a favorite.”  
“Well, let’s hear ‘em.”  
Since they had apparently already heard Baby Mine and Godspeed while she was on the phone, she decided to dust off the one titled simply Lullaby. Pulling up the guitar tabs on her phone, she handed it over to Jason. Sitting there, singing of an unending love, she felt the poignancy as deeply as she ever had when singing it to her own children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaving on a Jet Plane was originally by John Denver, but I was introduced to the song when Chantal Kreviazuk did a cover cover for the 1998 movie Armageddon.
> 
> I'm ... I'm ...  
> All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go  
> I'm standin' here outside your door  
> I hate to wake you up to say goodbye  
> But the dawn is breakin', it's early morn  
> The taxi's waitin', he's blowin' his horn  
> Already I'm so lonesome I could die  
> So kiss me and smile for me  
> Tell me that you'll wait for me  
> Hold me like you'll never let me go  
> 'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane  
> I don't know when I'll be back again  
> Oh, babe, I hate to go  
> I'm ...  
> There's so many times I've let you down  
> So many times I've played around  
> I'll tell you now, they don't mean a thing  
> Every place I go, I think of you  
> Every song I sing, I sing for you  
> When I come back I'll wear your wedding ring  
> So kiss me and smile for me  
> Tell me that you'll wait for me  
> Hold me like you'll never let me go  
> 'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane  
> I don't know when I'll be back again  
> Oh, babe, I hate to go  
> Now the time has come to leave you  
> One more time, oh, let me kiss you  
> And close your eyes and I'll be on my way  
> Dream about the days to come  
> When I won't have to leave alone  
> About the times that I won't have to say ...  
> Oh, kiss me and smile for me  
> Tell me that you'll wait for me  
> Hold me like you'll never let me go  
> 'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane  
> I don't know when I'll be back again  
> Oh, babe, I hate to go  
> And I'm leaving on a jet plane  
> I don't know when I'll be back again  
> Oh, babe, I hate to go  
> But I'm leaving on a jet plane  
> (Ah ah ah ah)  
> Leaving on a jet plane  
> (Ah ah ah ah)  
> Leaving on a jet plane  
> (Ah ah ah ah)  
> Leaving on a jet plane
> 
> This is a personal favorite and super easy to sing. Hope you enjoy.
> 
> Lullaby by The Dixie Chicks  
> They didn't have you where I come from  
> Never knew the best was yet to come  
> Life began when I saw your face  
> And I hear your laugh like a serenade  
> How long do you wanna be loved  
> Is forever enough, is forever enough  
> How long do you wanna be loved  
> Is forever enough  
> 'Cause I'm never, never giving you up  
> I slip in bed when you're asleep  
> To hold you close and feel your breath on me  
> Tomorrow there'll be so much to do  
> So tonight I'll drift in a dream with you  
> How long do you wanna be loved  
> Is forever enough, is forever enough  
> How long do you wanna be loved  
> Is forever enough  
> 'Cause I'm never, never giving you up  
> As you wander through this troubled world  
> In search of all things beautiful  
> You can close your eyes when you're miles away  
> And hear my voice like a serenade  
> How long do you wanna be loved  
> Is forever enough, is forever enough  
> How long do you wanna be loved  
> Is forever enough  
> 'Cause I'm never, never giving you up  
> Is forever enough  
> 'Cause I'm never, never giving you up


	7. February 25, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cast goes out to the lake to shoot and stay overnight in the cabin.

Jensen could list a hundred things he loved about his job. But getting to an on location set outside of Vancouver three hours before dawn was not one of them. Shay, he had learned, was someone who tried to be philosophical about things that sucked ass like waking up at three in the morning. She had pointed out that if it had been summer sunrise would have been two or three hours earlier, and that at least with Clif driving them they’d be able to snooze on the ride out. He appreciated the effort, but three was just too damn early for philosophy. 

Now though, as they were about to get started, he could admit that the river, the treeline all lit by the light of the just-rising sun was pretty fantastic. He pulled out his phone to snap a picture. 

“Wanna do a selfie?” Jared pulled his own phone out, taking a quick picture. “This is totally going on Instagram.”

“You know I’m not doing social media right now.” Much to his manager’s dismay, thought Jensen.

“Doesn’t mean you can’t be on mine, man. Hey Shay! Come get in a picture with us!”

Shay came and tucked herself under their arms. He was surprised by how tall she seemed. Craning his head around he smiled when he realized she was taking advantage of a fortunately placed rock. She leaned into him a moment before he heard Jared’s shutter again. He looked up to protest but Jared caught his eye before he started. With a look, Jared indicated he wanted to do the double cheek kiss they did on fans sometimes.

“Oh shit, I missed it.” Jared groaned. “One more, one more, I’ll get the background and everything.” He took the shot again.

“Enough. We’ve got work to do. And only that first one online Jare, I mean it.”

*****

The morning burned away while they were working. The goodbye scene was physically easy, but emotionally demanding. There had never been a romantic triangle on the show and he and Jared had been hesitant when the idea was presented. It was only after the writers and producers promised that it would be a triangle of interest and not action they had capitulated. Shay had to carry the brunt of it, engaging with their characters on very different levels. Jared pretty much got to do standard Sam stuff. Intellect and trust and puppy-dog eyes. To be fair, Dean showing his concern through anger and denying himself what he wanted for the greater good wasn’t really new territory. 

But there was something about this scene, or the connection between these two characters that was throwing him. He started with Dean’s gruff tone, but found that with each take he sounded more emotional. Shay fed off the energy he put out, responding with anger and then resignation, and finally a gnawing vulnerability. He didn’t know which take the editors would choose, but he knew that choice would ultimately color the entirety of the on screen relationship. When the director of photography called for the turnaround, Jared approached. 

“Hey, that went deeper than expected. You okay?”

“Yeah.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s like it just keeps getting away from me, you know?”

“It makes sense. You’ve always identified with Lexi, I mean for obvious reasons. And the energy between you and Shay - something about her lets you open up.”

Jensen snorted, “You sound like my therapist.”

“He sounds like a very smart guy,” Jared smirked.

“And you sound like a very smart ass.” He shoved Jared in the chest, knowing he’d retaliate. They were halfway to a wrestling match when they got called back to places. Shay was the last to arrive, having been under a tent getting notes from the director while Amber fixed her makeup.

“I tried to pin him down to which take he liked best, but he was so impressed by you running the gambit that he wants the same for the opposite coverage. So thanks for that.” She pretended to throw a punch that forced him to lift his chin. “You don’t need to dial all the way in, you know. I got it from here.”

And there it was. The something that Jared had clued into. Shay got it. She saw him. She had seen him getting torn up, but she hadn’t rushed in with platitudes or penetrating questions. She had seen that his horseplay with Jared had gotten him back on an even keel, and used it to get him to hold his head high again. She had tried to make things easier, and when she couldn’t she rolled with the punches. More than anything she let him know she was right there with him, and that he could lean in if he wanted.

*****

It was the last scene of the day. They had been waiting for dusk, the so-called magic hour when the natural light was perfect for filming. Everyone was as prepared as possible, wanting to get this scene on film as quickly as possible. Filming this far north at this time of year, the magic hour was lucky to last 30 or 40 minutes.

She and Jared were wearing full length wetsuits, including booties to keep them safe in the frigid water. They had been made up to look pale, as if they had already been in for too long. When they were told it was time to get into place Jared and Shay edged their way into the flat dark water of the river. Shay pushed herself into the water as fast as possible, wanting to get it over with. She wasn’t proud of the squeals that erupted against her will, but at least she was making progress. Turning she saw Jared was at least three feet behind her, still only calf deep in the water, and cursing continuously. 

“Goddamn it Padalecki, get your ass in here! It’s not like you’re going to adjust. And once I get the shakes I’m not gonna be able to haul you anywhere!” She lunged for Jared , trying to drag him deeper into the water. Unfortunately, due to his size she just hung there, clinging to his jacket. A brisk breeze rattled the bare branches of the trees and she swore loudly.

“Holy shit, it’s worse getting out than getting in.” She turned pleading eyes up to Jared. “Can we please just get this done?”

The director called for them to get into places. They forced themselves deeper. Despite being no more than six feet from the shore, they both had to submerge themselves fully to look as though they were continuing from the rescue scene that would be filmed the next day. Shay took her position behind Jared, crossing her left arm across his broad chest and hooking her hand under his arm.

“Okay Jared, lift your chin over my arm, yup, good, and a little to your right. There. Do you feel any pressure on your windpipe?”

“No, we’re good.” He gave a thumbs up to the camera crew on the dock and on shore. 

Twenty minutes later they got the call that they were wrapped for the day. They had only done two takes of each of the shots, everyone feeling the need to perform as well and as quickly as possible. Despite that, Shay was grateful to get out of the wet clothes and into a warm shower. She couldn’t imagine that she had to get back in tomorrow, and for a much longer time. A knock came from the bathroom door.

“Shay? It’s Amber. When you’re done here, come on back to our trailer, we girls are all getting ready together.”

Excited to be included, Shay hurried out of the shower and into her clothes. In the trailer she found Amber, Megan, and two runners Tish and another whose name Shay was pretty sure started with an A. 

“So no Kelly tonight?” Shay asked.

“Oh no, she left as soon as we were wrapped for the day. Not sure why. She’ll never get home before her kids are asleep.” Megan replied.

“She said she wanted to be there to get them off to school in the morning.” Amber smiled, “Of course, then she told me to go have fun with the other young people, like I was in high school and she was some doddering old woman.”

“Well, come on, let’s be honest, she’s gotta be like 40.”

“Aimee,” Tish hissed glancing pointedly at Shay.

Rather than be ashamed Shay laughed. “Relax, I’m fully aware that I have at least a decade on everyone else in this room.” Although she had never really felt it on the set until now. 

“No way. If you’re forty, I want your skincare secrets.” Amber said.

“Let’s say I’m closer to 40 than 30. Besides, makeup artist’s daughter, remember?” Shay winked. “Speaking of which, can I use your station? I’m feeling a little bare right now.” She gestured to her face. 

She put on her makeup mechanically, wondering why it felt like such a chore. It  _ had _ been a long day for her, starting well before sunrise. But mostly she figured it was the result of hearing the younger women talk. Nothing reminds you you’re not 20 anymore than hanging out with people actually in their twenties, she thought. 

Tish talked to Aimee in the mirror, “Mmm, Adam’s been flirting hard this week, and it is so not fair. That accent he has makes me weak in the knees.”

“I don’t care what the guy sounds like, so long as he knows how to use his tongue for other things,” Aimee cackled.

“And of course some of us prefer a good old Texas drawl, isn’t that right?” Amber teased Megan as she put loose waves into the other woman’s hair.

Megan blushed furiously. “I should have never told you that.”

“Oh hon, I’m right there with you. You ever hear them when they’ve been drinking, or just really tired? That twang slips out, and it’ll hit you like a shot of straight whiskey. Make a girl all tingly inside.”

“So which one you after, Jensen or Jared?” Aimee asked Megan. 

“What? No, I’m not- Jared’s married! And Jensen’s off limits, everybody knows that,” Megan rushed. “Daneel only died a few months ago.”

“A couple of months can be a long time. A man’s got needs.” Aimee pointed a sultry look at Megan, “and I’ll tell you what else, he’s gonna need a rebound soon. If you’re not up for it, somebody else will be.”

Megan was struggling out of the chair, her face mottled with anger. Shay touched her wrist lightly.

“Hey. You were right you know. A couple of months really isn’t that long.” But she could see the words didn’t really penetrate the fog of emotions swirling around the younger woman. 

Amber looked on a little sadly. “She’s always had a little crush on him,” she murmured, “I shouldn’t have teased her.” Shaking off the mood, she turned to Shay. “So, you have somebody special back home?”

“No, not really. My best friend, she’s always setting me up on these blind dates. Some of them are horrible, and some of them are fun, but nothing’s really clicked, you know?”

“Well, when I was touching up makeup today, I heard one of the new stunt guys say he wished the hot chick with the sniper rifle was in the dock fight ‘cause he’d be up for a little hand to hand.” Amber grinned at Shay, “So if you want to score tonight, pretty sure you’re in.”

Shay felt her face warm. “I’ll, ah, take that under consideration.”

At that point Shay decided since it didn’t look like they were leaving in the next few minutes she might as well blow out her hair. The noise from the blow dryer blocked out the conversation, and she was able to wear her hair down, sleeker and shinier than usual. 

*****

The cabin was beautiful. Clear varnished pine on the floors and ceilings, large windows, typical rustic type decor. Jensen sat on the hearth, building a starter for the fireplace. He heard the door open and a wave of female laughter rolled into the room. Adam strode to the top of the stairs from the garage to greet them.

“Ah finally, welcome ladies! I was afraid I was going to have to spend the evening looking at these ugly mugs,” he joked, gesturing to the other men in the room.

Jensen turned in time to see the women hit the top of the stairs and begin removing their coats. It was a flurry of slink and sparkle, bare limbs, and high heels. 

“He doesn’t waste any time does he?” Jared chuckled.

“Maybe he’s already done the math,” Mike responded in the same joking tone, “Figured he better strike early.”

“Four girls? That’s it? I thought someone said the actress was coming.” One of the new guys spoke up.

Jensen realized he was right. Four women had entered, but Shay had not been among them.

Ensuring the flue was open, he struck a match and lit the kindling he had prepared. Once he was satisfied it was burning well, he went to replace his now empty beer. He hesitated at the doorway, seeing the women still clustered there, making some mixed drink.

“Should we make one for Shay?” Tish asked.

“Hell yeah, and put a little extra kick in it.” Aimee was clearly the leader of this little pack.

“Why the extra kick?” Tish asked as she tipped the liquor bottle up again.

“Because, she’s gonna need some lubrication before she’s gonna go, what was it again? Hands on with the stuntman?” Aimee snickered. “Which one is he anyway? I don’t wanna waste my time flirting with him.”

Amber laughed. “Brent’s the one with russet hair. I think he’s in the game room playing pool. But guys, we can’t get her tanked, that’s not fair.”

“Whew, I don’t know. If there was ever a woman that needed her cork popped, it’s that one.” Aimee made a loud popping noise with her over glossed lips.

“Ooh, I know, let’s start a drinking game!” Trish interjected, “We can do King’s Cup. All you need for that is a deck of cards. I bet they have one in that game room.”

They all rushed out, leaving the drink with Shay’s name on it on the counter. Jensen replayed their conversation in his mind before pouring it down the sink, and crushing the solo cup in his hand. Grabbing another beer from the fridge he sat at one of the barstools at the high counter in the kitchen. From this vantage point, he could look into the open living room, or to the left and see part of the game room. What he didn’t see was Shay.

“Hey, wha-”

He jumped a mile at the voice, and his full beer sloshed all over his hand and the counter.

“I’m sorry!” Shay tried to muffle her laughter. She grabbed a dish towel from the sink and began mopping up the spill. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” She refolded the towel, and wiped the bottle, including his hand when he didn’t remove it. “You okay?”

“I-, yeah. Where the hell were you? There was a whole parade of girls, and you weren’t there.”

She frowned at him, no doubt for his gruff tone. “Eight o’clock. Bedtime phone call.” She waved the hand holding her cell phone. “Besides, I don’t think I would have fit very well into that parade.”

“What do you mean?”

“Come on, they came dressed to impress, and here I am, pretty much in the same pajamas as always.”

His eyes traveled the length of her from the ground up, he realized she was telling the truth. The black pants hugging the curves of her lower body were indeed the same leggings she had been wearing the night before. The silky rose colored top spilling from under her sweater was familiar too. He recognized it as one she had been wearing after first waking up one morning. It seemed the only concession she had made to being out was to add little ankle boots and swap her regular zip front hoodie for a cropped cream-color sweater that appeared to be in danger of slipping off one shoulder. She wasn’t even wearing any jewelry, although he did notice something gold along her cheeks and collarbone. His fingers itched to trace it. 

“You’re, um, glittery.”

She breathed a laugh, her cheeks pinking under the gold. “Amber. They kept trying to dress me up, so eventually I let her add some shimmer. She even put it on my back. That’s weird right?” She turned, sweeping the smooth curtain of hair over her shoulder.

His breath caught. Her regular hoodie had hidden not only that the rose top was held up by one tiny strap over each shoulder, but that the back met in a deep v exposing her spine nearly to her waist. The sweater was backless too, the fabric performing a strange twist, but lower, over the curve of her ass. And yes, there were two lines of gold, running along the edge of her shoulder blades, designed to draw the eye whenever she used her arm, showing the movement and form of her back. 

He ghosted his fingers over her spine, and she shivered, despite the fact that he had not actually touched her. He swallowed thickly, his mouth suddenly dry.

“You’re not wearing a bra.”

She grinned over her shoulder before turning back around. “I hate those things. Of course it’s a lot harder to get away with in the winter,” she tugged the shoulders of the sweater up more securely. “So is there anything to eat around here?” 

“Lots of snacks we brought over from craft services. Lots of drinks. And pizza. Not yet, but in a little bit.” Jensen blinked at himself. When did he start sounding like a robot? 

Shay must not have noticed, because she was busy grabbing a large handful of carrot sticks. She stuck her head in the fridge for a second and came out with a bottle of San Pellegrino. 

“I think I’ll stick to water tonight.” She popped the top and clinked her bottle to his. “Cheers. I’m gonna go check this place out.”

Since the majority of the group had gathered in the game room, Jensen figured it was a good place to be. There was a pool table, a dart board, foosball, and board games of all kinds framed and mounted on the walls. Shay came in a few minutes later, going immediately to the pool table. Eventually she drifted away again, chatting as she made her way through the room.

“Quite a place isn’t it?” he asked her when she approached.

“It really is. There’s a lot of quality woodwork in here . I’m guessing whoever owns the place is a professional or a pretty hard core enthusiast.”

He watched her as she took in the room. She was studying the game boards on the wall intently. “You like the decor?”

“I do,” she said, touching the chinese checkers board, “but I think it’s more than that.” Lifting gently, the board and the framing came away from the wall. 

“See? It’s kind of like a shadow box. The top slides open,” she demonstrated, “and all the pieces are inside. It’s decor and storage all at the same time. It’s brilliant.” She looked immensely pleased that she had figured it out. 

“Hey Jensen!” Jared called from the other end of the room. “Come play darts!”

“No, no no,” someone called. “Those two don’t get to be on the same team. You have to divide them up.”

Goodnaturedly, Jared accepted the edict and they each selected other partners. Jensen’s team scraped by Jared’s and welcomed the next challengers. Halfway through his second game of darts, the pool game ended and new teams formed. He heard the break, half noticed players moving around, but it wasn’t until he was leaning on the wall between turns that he realized Shay was playing.

“Do we have sides yet?” she called out, studying the table, a cue held loosely in her hand. 

“Here sugar, want me to show you how to do it?” A large man with reddish hair slid up behind her as he spoke, placing one hand on her hip and the other over hers on the cue. Red. Russet.  _ This _ was the guy Shay wanted to hook up with tonight? 

“You wanna take the stick…” He trailed when Shay didn’t move. She didn’t allow him to take the cue, and she didn’t make room for him to lean over as if he were going to show her how to shoot. After a moment the guy stepped back. Shay turned and spoke to him. Her voice carried over the music, but not by much. Jensen guessed that the people in the other parts of the room couldn’t hear her. 

“Hey,” her tone sounded conversational, “I’ve got this.”

“You do.” The guy sounded dubious. 

“Yeah.” Without further explanation, Shay returned her gaze to the pool table. Selecting a shot she readied herself. A quick glance over her shoulder showed her the guy was still standing only a step away. 

“You really might want to move,” she warned him with a small grin. Once he was out of her way, she lined up a straightforward shot and sank the two ball easily. Jensen relaxed back against the wall, not having realized he had pulled away from it. He watched Shay select another, more difficult bank shot and made that one as well. Her third shot went wide. She gathered her drink and went to stand next to Mike. 

Jared stepped into his line of sight. “You’re up,” Jared told him. He took his turn and returned to his spot on the wall where Jared appeared to be waiting for him. 

“What do you know about the new guy?” Jared asked in a low tone. 

Jensen watched as Shay stepped up to take another turn at the table. He raised his beer as if he were about to take a sip before answering. “Works in stunts. Name’s Brett or Brent. Overheard one of the girls saying something about Shay being ‘hands on’ with him tonight.”

“Really? ‘Cause that was about the most ‘hands off’ display I’ve ever seen.”

“Just telling you what I heard.” 

“Hmm. After the day we put in, and the one coming tomorrow, we SO don’t need any drama tonight.” He sighed, “speaking of which, you don’t stop staring soon, people are gonna talk.”

“What?”

“You’re staring, Jay. Have been for a while now.”

He dragged his eyes over to the dart board, took a sip of beer. “Amber painted her up with some damn gold stuff. Keeps catchin’ my eye.”

“Mmm-hmm. Sure.” Jensen didn’t need to look at his best friend to know he was smirking at him.

“Look, pizza’s here.”

*****

After massive amounts of pizza had been scarfed down, the cabin’s occupants split into groups. The largest group claimed the living room to play some sort of drinking game. Others brought Monopoly from the game room and settled down to play around the large kitchen island. Shay meandered until the sound of guitar drew her back to the game room. There was a couple playing darts at one end of the long room, and at the other Jensen sat alone on a loveseat. Glancing up, he saw her and waved her over.

“Hey, I was thinking, another really easy song I bet you could play is Chasing Cars. “

“Chasing Cars, oh I remember, chas-ing cars a-round our heads,” she intoned “Yeah that was a pretty simple one wasn’t it?”

“Yup. Same three chords you were playing last night. And if I’m not mistaken, right in your vocal range too.” 

“Are you buttering me up to sing?”

“Is it working?”

“In this house full of people? Hell no.”

“Forget them. Just you and me. Right here, right now. It doesn’t have to be loud.”

She felt her heart pounding inside her chest. “I- yeah. Yeah, okay, except I don’t think I remember all the words.”

“Ah, I’ll share a nifty little trick Jason showed me. So when you’re trying to learn to sing and play a song at the same time, you start by getting one of those karaoke videos on YouTube and then just mute the sound and use it for words and timing. Here, I’ll show you.” 

He found what he wanted, and then propped his phone up on the coffee table in front of him.

“I’ll lead off, you just jump in, okay?”

At her assent he began to play the intro, and sang the first line on his own. He nodded, encouraging her to join in. They continued that way, him leading and her following until one verse he shook his head no and continued to sing the words ‘I need your grace to remind me to find my own’. Shay had to swallow back the burning in her throat before she could join in the chorus. She knew her voice didn’t sound it’s best, but she took comfort in the fact that she managed to finish without any noticeable fumbling.

Shay jumped at the sound of applause coming from the doorway. They had an audience. A small one, no more than four people, but what had been a private moment was now public. And possibly very public considering two of the four had phones pointed in their direction. Smiling in an embarassed way, she ran her hand through her hair, using the motion to hide her face. She forced herself to stay seated for a few minutes as people came to compliment them, or ask Jensen for another song. As soon as she felt like the focus had shifted away from her, she stood and moved through the game and living rooms and out onto the balcony.

The cold stole her breath, but she welcomed it, using it as an excuse for her shuddering breaths and the moisture pricking her eyes. She let her head drop back, and studied the stars. The stars were so much bigger and brighter than she was used to seeing them. There were no city lights out here competing for attention. That was how she felt about Jensen. Their friendship had exploded into being like a new star being born. And although it was only weeks old, already she couldn’t imagine her own personal solar system without it. But being here, removed from her normal life, playing a romantic interest during the day, and hanging out with him at his apartment at night, was too much. Being near him was becoming too bright, too powerful. It was pulling her in a direction she had never intended to take. 

Shay rubbed her hands over her face. It was a song. A stupid, simple song that he thought she could learn to play. It didn’t matter that the lyrics were horribly romantic. It wasn’t a declaration of feelings. She had to find a way to stop this. If he realized she was no longer the safe harbor she had offered when they met, he would withdraw.

She heard the sliding door behind her. Shit. She needed a few more minutes. Taking a deep breath of the winter night, she willed the burning ache in her chest to cool. If it was Jensen coming to check on her, she feared she would wind up reaching for him or running away in tears. Very possibly both.

“Hey. What are you doing out here?” the unfamiliar voice surprised her. She turned and saw one of the stunt guys.

“Hi. Brent right?”

“Yeah. And you’re Shay. The girl who can sharpshoot pool and rifles.”

A grim smile spread across her face. “Well, to be fair, I don’t actually have to hit anything with the rifle.”

He chuckled. “That doesn’t take anything away from your pool game. About that,” his hand came down on the bare section of her back. “Oh hey, you’re cold, how long have you been out here?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Little while I guess.”

“Here take my jacket.” he shrugged out of it.

“No, I couldn’t,” although she was already appreciating the warmth.

“Of course you can.“You can take it as my apology for the pool thing earlier. I, um…”

“Didn’t think girls could play pool?” 

“No! I just, your friend said you were interested, and I - well I thought that would break the ice.” His face was stained red, a problem she understood all too well. The curse of the fair her mother called it.

“What friend?”

“Um, Aimee? The one who seems to be running things in there?” He jerked his thumb toward the cabin.

She bit her lower lip, “I see. Unfortunately, Aimee doesn’t really run…. me.” She looked up to see if he understood her.

“Oh. So …. not interested.”

“Not um,” she paused, frustrated. He seemed like a nice guy. She  _ should _ be interested. “Not uninterested so much as not very available. Especially since I’m about to go back to Cali.”

“Near L.A.?”

“Pretty close.”  
“I’m down there a lot for work.” He tugged the edges of his jacket together, bringing her closer in the process. “Maybe you could be available enough for dinner sometime. I could call you next time I’m coming to town.”

“Yeah, maybe,” she gave him a smile she knew looked a little sad. “Maybe you want to ask around about me before you make that call. I come with a lot of strings, and some of them are a little tangled.” She slipped his jacket off, handed it to him. “Thanks for the jacket. I think I better get back inside.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol  
> We’ll do it all , everything on our own.  
> We don’t need, anything, or anyone.  
> If I lay here, If I just lay here  
> Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
> I don’t quite know, how to say, how I feel  
> Those three words. Are said too much. They’re not enough  
> If I lay here, If I just lay here  
> Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
> Forget what we’re told, Before we get too old  
> Show me a garden that’s bursting into life  
> Let’s waste time. Chasing cars. Around our heads.  
> I need your grace, to re-mind me, to find my own  
> If I lay here, If I just lay here  
> Would you lie with me and just forget the world?  
> Forget what we’re told, Before we get too old  
> Show me a garden that’s bursting into life  
> All that I am. All that I ever was.  
> Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see  
> I don’t know where, confused about how as well  
> Just know that these things will never change for us at all  
> If I lay here, If I just lay here  
> Would you lie with me and just forget the world?


	8. February 26, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cast films an important scene, but not everything goes to plan.

“And cut! Okay people that’s a wrap on the swim in. Everybody take five, and we’re gonna do the resurfacing shot, and that’ll be the last shot of the day.” Jensen heard both groans and cheers at the announcement. The groans were mostly from the other men on the dock, who had been working through the same stunt choreography for hours. The cheers were from pretty much everyone else, all of whom were ready to get out of the damp cold and go home. 

Shuddering at the wet drizzle working its way down his collar, Jensen glanced out at the water. If he was chilled, he couldn’t imagine how they must feel. The four divers that had been in the water continuously for the last eight hours seemed perfectly comfortable in the cold water. Jared and Shay were less so, but they were also less protected. Their costumes didn’t allow for hoods or gloves and Jensen knew even the wetsuits they wore had been cut down at the neck so they were completely hidden under their clothes. 

Jensen crouched on the dock, and slipped his phone from his pocket. He felt an unexpected knot in his gut as he photographed Shay curled into Jared, his oversized frame wrapped around her. He wanted to capture the stark contrast of the action scene to this quiet moment between takes. In the first Shay was strong and fierce, dragging Jared through the water, the second she looked small and fragile as he kept her afloat and tried to warm her with his own body heat. 

Frowning at the image, he went in search of Tony. He found the stunt coordinator nearby and showed him the image on his screen. 

“Jensen, those are beautiful shots.”

“Thanks, but that’s not-”

The buzzer rang to mark quiet on the set. Jensen turned and saw Jared, Shay, and two of the divers slip beneath the surface of the water. He waited, the knot he had felt moments before growing larger as the seconds ticked by. A rolling, writhing form burst into the air. He was halfway to the dock when he heard a choking noise. Looking over, he saw Shay coughing badly, but managing to keep herself a float. The head diver emerged and offered an arm to her as she worked to expel the last of the water. 

Jensen continued moving toward the end of the dock. The rest of the dive team and Jared were emerging from underwater. Hearing footsteps on the dock, Jensen saw Tony and Paul cutting through the many people who had crowded around and on the dock.

“Does she need to come out?” Tony called to the head diver.

“Possibly,” the man called back. He turned to Shay, “What happened down there?”

“I, I’m not sure.” Her voice sounded weak.

“It might be time to call it for you. Your color doesn’t look good,” he told her.

“I -” she looked so defeated, Jensen thought that she would just nod. But she twisted around, and found Paul. “Did you call a wrap on me? Or…” her brow furrowed in confusion.

“No hon, we haven’t called a wrap on anything, but safety comes first.” Paul told her.

Shay’s face smoothed, but her eyes remained eerily unfocused. One of the divers had brought over a thermometer. Shay complied when he told her to open up. When the thermometer beeped the man took it back and read it with some alarm.

“Boss, she’s at 95.3.”

“That’s it, she’s done for the day.” The head diver announced. “I want her out of the water  _ now _ .”

The entire dive team began towing Shay and Jared toward the shore. Jensen outpaced both Paul and Tony to meet them. Yards out they paused as the head diver pulled off his scuba tank, and other equipment to hand to another diver to take to the boat. Jensen stood, the water lapping at the soles of his shoes, nearly vibrating with the need to do something, help in some way. They resumed their slow ascent. The higher Shay got out of the water, the harder it seemed to be for her. When the water was down to mid thigh she stumbled, and Jensen darted forward to catch her. The shocking cold of the water stabbed at his feet and calves like thousands of tiny needles. Looking at Shay’s half conscious face, he made a decision. He scooped Shay up, gasping as the water flowing off her body soaked his torso. 

“Fuck, we should have gotten you out ages ago.” 

Ignoring the buzz of voices all around him, he carried her to the heated tent. He sat in the first chair he came to, tucking Shay against his body. She was far too still. Even with his arms around her, he could hardly tell she was breathing. 

“Son, you can’t just go moving a hypothermic person that way. Picking her up, moving her could cause an arrhythmia or even cardiac arrest.” The lead diver stomped through curious onlookers at the tent’s opening. “I hope you’re comfortable like that, because now you’re gonna have to stay there while we see what we can do for her.” Kneeling, he pulled his gloves off with his teeth, and took Shay’s pulse. “Slow, but steady. I don’t like how out of it she looks,” he tapped her cheek with his fingers, “come on kiddo, stay awake for us.”

“Excuse me, medical. Yes if you could just, oh stand aside!” Jensen recognized Barbara’s strident voice before he saw the petite woman with her large medical tote break through the crowd. “Excuse me sir, I need to see the patient,” she told the head diver in her no nonsense voice. “Is wardrobe here?” She peered around the tent, eyes landing on Paul. Understanding her frustration he clapped and raised his voice so everyone could hear.

“Okay folks, unless you have just come out of the water, or are directly helping someone who did, I need you to clear this tent. I want a couple PAs standing by the door to run and get things as we need them.” The crowd slowly began to filter out, letting out a great deal of heat as they did so. Jensen heard Paul’s voice again, “Oh Megan, Barbara was asking for someone from wardrobe.” Megan shuffled forward.

“Yes. I need to remove these wet things without moving her any more than necessary. I need very sharp scissors, and something like a robe or long coat to put on her after. Get someone to help you with dry clothes and blankets for the others as well.” Megan nodded, and pulled a pair of shears from the apron she wore at her waist. 

“I can do that,” the diver said, taking the scissors, “it won’t be the first time I’ve had to cut someone out of a wetsuit.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know your name.”

“It’s Terry. I’m the head diver. This never should have happened. I knew she was looking draggy, but by all safety guidelines she should have been okay for at least another hour.” He shook his head.

“Barbara,” the medic introduced herself, “It can be hard to get these knuckleheads to behave responsibly sometimes. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve patched up some actor that thought they should do everything rather than leaving it to the stunt guys.” She shot Jensen a quick grin. “Okay, let’s see how she’s doing.”

She peered at Shay, and rubbed her knuckles over her breastbone forcefully. Shay shifted and whined as her brow creased in response. “Normal reaction to stimuli. That’s good.” Barbara glanced up at him, “I’m going to need to ask her some questions, gage her mental status. See if you can get her talking. If she won’t wake up I’ll use the smelling salts.” She turned and went for her medical bag.

“Shay, I need you to wake up.” He cupped her icy cheek in his hand. Her eyelids fluttered. “I know you’re tired, but I need you to open your eyes, talk to me.”

“Jen-?” she couldn’t get his whole name out, but he knew she recognized him.

“Yeah,” he pressed his forehead to hers, “yeah baby, it’s me.”

A languid smile curved her lips before she whispered, “Hey you.”

The relief sank through his chest. She was awake and she  _ knew _ him. He released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He nodded at Barbara that she was ready.

“Hi Shay, my name’s Barbara. We’ve met once before, do you remember?” Shay blinked slowly and shook her head.

“I’m sor-” she broke off in a cough.

Barbara addressed one of the PAs by the door. “Can someone please go get a warm drink for Ms. Martin? And another for Mr. Padalecki please.”

Jensen jerked in surprise. Craning his head around he saw Jared slightly behind him, and over in the corner. How had he missed him coming in? His friend straightened from where he was slumped in a chair.

“I’m good Barb, I just wanted to see how she was doing.”

“You stay put, and drink it when it comes. I’ll check you after I’m done with her.”

“Barbara, I know why she got hypothermic faster than we expected.” Terry’s voice was severe. He peeled the parts of the flannel shirt he had been cutting away from Shay’s arm and chest. “This suit, it’s not one of the ones that we sent over. It’s a 4/3 and the seams aren’t taped.”

Jensen stared at the man. "You mean the whole time she was in there…."

"She was losing more body heat than she should have been. Her body must be exhausted from continually trying to replace it."

Indeed, he saw that her eyes were closed again, the same slow shallow breathing that had worried him when they had first entered the tent. The tent flap opened revealing two PAs and Megan all returning with requested items.

“Finally. Bring one of those drinks here.”

“Was it you?” Terry grabbed Megan’s arm as she went by. “Were you the one who put her in this suit? Why didn’t you use the ones we sent?

Megan’s face blanched nearly as pale as Shay’s. “We-we had to. We were drying out the suits as fast as we could, but we needed a new one every time there was another take of her going into the water. I had that one from, well I don’t know, but ...”

“Do you have any idea of how vulnerable that made her? Of what could’ve happened? Of what could still happen?” he roared. 

“Terry!” Barbara interrupted, “dry and safe first. Repercussions later.”

Turning her back on the dispute, Barbara leaned in, giving Shay little sips of what smelled like chicken broth.

“There, now let’s start easy. Can you tell me your name? Your full name?”

“Shay. Shaylene Marlowe Martin.” Jensen's lips tugged upward. He hadn’t known her middle name was Marlowe. The old Hollywood sound of it suited her.

“Good. Now, where do you live?”

“Lag-” she started coughing again. She accepted another sip of soup. “Laguna Beach, California.” 

“Hmm, that sounds nice. Now, who is the President?”

Shay buried her face against his chest, shaking her head no. 

“You can’t tell me?”

Knowing her views on the subject, Jensen told Barbara. “That one might be less of a she doesn’t know, and more of a she’s not willing to say it.”

“Well, you all are American, so I can’t say that I blame her. How about the date Shay? Can you tell me today’s date?”

Shay sagged against his chest, exhausted. She mumbled something he couldn’t understand.

“Shay, we couldn’t hear that. Look at me and tell me today’s date,” he prodded.

“February - something.”

Concern etched Barbara’s face. “What about the year? Can you tell me what year it is?”

“Six,” there was a long pause, “no, not … ” her voice trailed off. 

“If she can’t orient to time and place, she’ll have to go to the hospital.”

Shay shook her head against him, and gave a yelp. Looking down he saw Terry kneeling, one of Shay’s feet in his lap as he cut through the denim at her ankles.

“Her circulation is coming back. It’s good news, but it hurts like a bitch,” he looked grim.

“Shay, you shook your head when I mentioned the hospital. Do you want to go to the hospital?” Barbara inquired.

“No. I wanna go home,” her eyes looked more alert, but he could see the tension lines signaling she was in pain, and each word seemed to take tremendous effort. She raised her eyes to his face. “Jensen, please…”

“I know baby, I know.” He kissed her brow, “I’ll take you home as soon as it’s safe, I promise.”

“Okay, one more question Shay, while you’re really good and awake.” Barbara gave her forearm a squeeze that resulted in a small sound of distress. “Can you tell me where you are, and what you’re doing here?”

“I’m in Canada, freezing to death,” Shay answered, distain lacing her voice.

“Sarcasm, I like that. But can you be more specific?”

“On a location shoot. I - I don’t know the name of the lake.” She cringed, “It hurts. It’s starting to hurt really bad.”

“It’s going to hurt for a while. And getting these clothes off is going to hurt even worse, but we need to do it. And we need to do it now. Terry do you think you can get her upright? And Jared, do you think you can wrap her in the robe as soon as she’s up?”

“Yeah, I can do that.” Somehow Jared had apparently gotten out of the tent, changed and come back in without him noticing. Or more likely, he had stripped where he stood careless of the others who might have seen him.

“Jensen, if you hold the collar, I’ll get the rest.” Barbara began quickly peeling the clothes and wetsuit back from Shay’s body. “Sorry about your modesty sweetheart, but this just isn’t the time for it.” Once the front of her body was exposed, Barbara nodded,”Okay, Terry let’s get ready.” 

They moved together and there was a sucking sound as the wetsuit came away from Shay’s body. She cried out as her feet touched the floor. Jared moved swiftly, draping the robe around her, then scooping her up and lowering himself into a chair, a mirror image of Jensen holding her moments before. 

Barbara began to work Shay’s arms into the robe eliciting and whimpers every time her hands were touched or moved. Barb called over her shoulder for Megan to bring at least two pairs of socks. After delivering them, Megan came to stop in front of him.

“I brought you some clothes too, so you don’t have to stay wet,” she mumbled her face splotchy with emotion. He took them, but then sat there dumbly. He wasn’t willing to change here as Jared had done, but he couldn’t seem to make himself get up to leave either. 

“Can we have the room please?” Jared’s voice rang out through the tent, “And Billy,” he said addressing one of the PAs, “would you radio Clif and tell him to bring the car down here? We’re going to take her home,” his eyes met Jensen’s “as promised.”

Barbara looked mishish about the decision being made without her, and turned to address them from the door. “I’m coming with you, in case anything happens on the ride back. And I’ll need to check her again before I’m satisfied that she won’t need any active medical treatment.” After she left the only sounds were the muted calls of the people rushing about outside. 

“Thanks,” he said, grateful that Jared understood him so well. He began to remove the wet clothing mechanically. He was nearly redressed when Jared spoke up. 

“Hey, something’s - I think you better get Barb.”

Jensen flew to the door, where thankfully Barbara was waiting. She hurried back in taking in Shay’s shivering and groaning. Checking her with the stethoscope, she nodded at both of them. “It’s okay. Her lungs are clear, heartbeat and breathing regular. The shivering is a sign that her body temp is coming back up. Most of the distress she’s showing is in response to the feeling coming back into her hands and feet. Terry was just saying he’s been through it and it felt like all ten fingers and toes had just been smashed by a hammer. Unfortunately there’s not a lot more we can do. Any pain meds would depress her breathing even more, and we don’t want to move her or try to warm the extremities because her organs need blood more right now. She’s just going to have to go through it.” She looked down, compassion on her face. 

The ride back to Vancouver was quiet. Jensen and Jared sat in the backseat, Shay draped between them. Jared covered her stocking feet with his large hands, and Jensen cradled her to his chest. Shay had woken briefly as they transferred her to the car. After that her shivers and sounds of pain came less frequently. She gave an occasional whimper, but for the most part she seemed to be deeply asleep. Jensen stroked her hair, content that they were heading home.


	9. February 27, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally!

Bzzzt! Bzzzt! Bzzzt!

Jensen fumbled across the nightstand for his phone. Four am. Right, time for the two hour check. Barbara made him promise to wake Shay every two hours to make sure she recognized him, take her pulse, and listen for any signs of difficulty breathing. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he shuffled down the hallway. Pushing the door open he could see that the twin sized bed was empty. Alarm spiked through his system, until he heard a noise from the kitchen.

“Hey.”

The silhouette outlined in the light from the open refrigerator jumped and vanished as the door slammed shut. A cough echoed through the darkness before Shay rasped, “Jesus Jensen, I didn’t hear you!”

“Sorry,” he chuckled. “What’re you getting into?”

“Cereal.”

He peered at the bowl on the counter. 

“Are you sure there’s cereal in there? It looks like a bowl of blueberries.”

“Shut up. I’m trying to be healthy. And I'm really, really hungry.” She rooted out a piece of cereal and threw it at him. 

He pinned it against his chest, “I bet you are. Does this mean you’re feeling better?”

“Yeah, ” Her eyes darted back and forth like she was trying to read words from a page that wasn’t there. She shook her head, "I, uh, I'm good."

Wanting to see her smile, he held out the piece of cereal for her to see and popped it up in the air before neatly catching it in his mouth. 

“No way! How did you do that?”

He shrugged. “Just something I can do. They love me at those hibachi grills.”

“Oh, oh, let me try.”

“Hang on a minute.” He stepped over and turned on the under cabinet lighting, bathing the room in a soft glow. “Okay, go.”

She lobbed a berry in a smooth arc, making it easy to catch. He enjoyed the tart sweetness before grinning at her. “You’ve got good aim. Try a little higher.”

The next toss went nearly to the ceiling, and he had to back peddle a step, but he still caught it.

“That’s incredible. How do you do it?”

“Good hand eye coordination. Mouth eye coordination? That sounds weird.”

“Yeah it does.” Her voice matched the smirk on her face. “Last one.” She threw another, but he caught it in his hands and then held it up to show her. 

“Your turn.”

“Oh, okay.” She tried to be ready, but missed the blueberry, which fell to the floor, rolling off into the darkness. 

He came closer, snagging another berry out of the bowl. “Now, watch it. It’s gonna go straight up, and straight back down.” He lofted it gently and thought she had it until it bounced off of her nose. They both giggled.

“Don’t you know where your mouth is?”

“Um - somewhere below my nose?”

“Yeah, somewhere below your nose.” His hand drifted up, almost without thought, and he traced his thumb over her lips. “Good to see these aren’t blue anymore.”

Her smile opened and he found his thumb captured between her teeth. He felt the tip of her tongue just before she deliberately closed her lips. The soft suction he felt the moment before she released him shot straight to his core. Lust streaked through his body setting every sense into overdrive.

“Hmm. Well, at least I caught one thing.” 

The husky sound in her voice betrayed the easy smile she gave him. He saw the sheen of moisture left behind on the fullest part of her lower lip. Feeling himself pulled, as if a magnetic force had grown in the previous weeks from imperceptible to irresistible. He breathed her in, the wild, wet smell of lake water still in her hair and something warmer, a scent he had begun to relate exclusively with Shay. And seeing her eyes lock onto his own aching lips, he surrendered.

Jensen’s eyes drifted shut as the world spun around him. His only anchor was the touch of her lips against his own. At that moment he couldn’t tell which way was up or down because the only gravitational force he was feeling seemed to be coming from within Shay herself.

*****

Jensen was kissing her. From the first graze of his lips Shay felt electrified. The edgy energy held her immoble even as it coursed all the way to her fingertips and toes. When he started to ease back she heard a muffled sound of dismay from her own throat. Her hands fisted in the soft cotton of his t-shirt. Her mouth met his more fully, opening in an invitation, a demand that the kiss continue. 

Jensen didn’t disappoint. Shay’s head spun as the kiss deepened, trusting the firm hands at the nape of her neck and across her lower back to hold her steady. He turned, using the kitchen island to keep her in place, his body supporting her. Her hands snaked under his shirt, exploring the firm contours under smooth skin. She felt as much as heard the rumble of approval that came from his chest. 

He smoothed his hands down her back, taking time to cup her ass before moving down to the backs of her thighs which he used to lift her until she was perched on the edge of the counter. As the long hard ridge of him met her heated core she arched, seeking more friction. He dragged his hands over her hair increasing the bow of her body, his teeth and tongue scraping and soothing down her neck. When he reached the sweet spot at the jointure of her neck and shoulder she went boneless. She reached behind her to support her weight, and knocked the forgotten bowl of cereal to the floor. 

“Shit!” Jensen had jumped backward, and then steadied himself to pick up one foot and peer at it in the dim lighting. Shay thought she could see a fragment of glass embedded in his heel. Blood welled and began to run down his foot.

"Oh God, Jensen -" Shay scooted forward.

"No don't. You'll get cut too. I gotta go, deal with this." 

“Yeah, okay. Yeah.” She wasn’t sure she was making any sense, but she couldn’t seem to shake the whirling feeling inside her brain. She watched him hobble down the hall, her heart racing and her breath coming in uneven pants. Pulling her feet to the counter she dropped her head to her knees. Sitting there until her breathing slowed, she tried to think through what was happening. What the hell had she been thinking? The man was in mourning for his wife for God’s sake. He had been kind, and she was flirting with him. Biting, oh god, even sucking on his thumb. Taking a feather-light kiss and trying to swallow him whole, like some sex starved moron. 

Mortified, Shay wanted to run and hide. But as she slid from the counter something squished beneath her foot. Looking around she stared dully at the mixture of glass, dry cereal, and blueberries scattered across the floor. Mechanically she found the broom and dustpan and began gathering the mess and dumping it into the garbage. 

By the time she finished she could feel fatigue pulling at her. Shay hesitated, listing against the doorframe to her room. Jensen was hurt, she should go check on him. But embarrassment was a hard knot that sat high in her chest. To go into his bedroom now…. She shook her head and dragged herself back into the solace of the dark.


	10. February 27, 2017 pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen and Shay struggle with the aftermath of the last 24 hours.

He obviously wasn’t going to sleep. Jensen knew it was early to go out, but he couldn’t stay in the apartment any longer either. He began donning his running clothes, prepping for the cold outside. Moving quietly he made his way through the apartment. He paused in the kitchen. It looked the same, except….. 

A quick glance at the clock showed him it had been nearly two hours since they had stood in this spot. Surely she didn’t still need to be checked. She had been up, laughing and talking, obviously feeling well. Arching under his touch like…. Gritting his teeth, he forced the thought away. He wasn’t going to check on her. He couldn’t now, it would be too strange. And yet Barbara had been so adamant. She had refused to leave without his promise to check on her every two hours until she returned to set in the morning. Fuck! He really didn’t have a choice did he? 

He stood in front of JJ’s door. She’d be asleep. He’d check, and then he’d go. But what if she wasn’t? Well then, same deal. He’d tell her he was doing the two hour check, and then he’d go run. Flee. Making a face at his own reluctance, he cracked open the door. In the dim light of the hallway, he couldn’t see much more than the shape of her in the bed. Standing completely still he heard her breathing, soft and even. He hadn’t taken her temperature or even really seen her. No matter. She was obviously fine, so he could go. Closing the door quietly he headed out.

Once on the streets he eased into a run. He felt the pull in his legs, reminding him that he hadn’t truly gotten back into the habit of running. He had only started back a few weeks ago, after Clif- no, after Shay had dragged him over to Mickey’s for the first time. Why for fuck’s sake did everything keep circling back to her? He had barely known this woman more than a month. And last night….

The events of the night before replayed in his head with one major difference. If that damn bowl hadn’t fallen. When his lips had slid against hers heat had flared through his body. It had taken all his will to keep it gentle. He had even tried to ease back long enough to make sure she was okay with it, but then that sound. The needy little note of complaint that he was leaving. And her lips moving against his, opening to wonderland. He had gotten caught up in the taste of her, warm and rich as amber, sweet and slow as honey. 

He barely remembered how they got from one spot to another, but he remembered the feel of her skin, the swell of her ass, and the way she had let him lift and open her so that their clothed bodies were crushed together. His body tightened even now at the memory of the heat at the center of her. The feel of her hair under his fingers, the muscles of her neck defined against his tongue, and the quick jolt he felt go through her at the little nip he had given her just before she melted in his arms. 

He should have held her weight right then, before she thought she had to prop herself up. If he had, he could have eased her back, licked and nibbled his way down her body like a goddamn buffet. Savor every curve and swell with lips and fingers. He wanted to know all the parts of her body. The softer and the more sensitive the better.

He wanted to hear what noises she would make as he searched for all her hidden spots, for the angle and the pace that would get her to gasp his name. He wanted to see if he could get her to scale that first peak with nothing but his hands. And then his mouth. And then all of him. 

One of his best memories of that apartment was once after he had called bitching about some stupid problem at work, Daneel had put on one some obscenely short skirt and met him when he walked in the door by opening herself wide and telling him that she thought they should eat out that night… Oh God, Dani. What the hell had he been thinking? 

Of all the disloyal, disrespectful things he had ever done, this had to be the worst didn’t it? Not only what had happened, but everything else that he wanted to happen. Even now, hating himself for thinking it, he wished he had moved that damned bowl. Or ignored it when it shattered. He knew that had they not gotten interrupted he and Shay would have wound up in bed, even if it had been after the fact. 

Four months. Four fucking months. Was that all it took? He swore a vow before God. Had been married for years. Created a child with Daneel. She had been the love of his life. But here he was, envisioning another woman in his bed. No, not his bed, their bed. The same bed in which he’d made love to Dani countless times. The bed where he was pretty sure they had conceived JJ. And the same bed where he had hit rock bottom.

The weeks he had spent in Texas after they put Daneel in the ground were a blur. He had existed in a deafening darkness. People kept coming at him trying to help. His parents, Dani’s parents, his siblings, Jared and Gen. They all wanted to do something for him and JJ, especially as the holidays came around. He accepted their help, knowing JJ needed it and that they needed to give it. But for himself, he would have rather curled up and let the darkness rage, let the ringing silence shatter the hollowed out thing he had become. He hadn’t even made it to New Year before he had dumped JJ with his parents and left. His baby girl. He couldn’t bear to even look at her. What kind of sicko does that? To a kid who just lost her mom?

He had run back to Vancouver, trying to escape all of it. On New Year’s Eve he had wandered out to a nearby bar, more out of social brainwashing than anything else. A random woman had hit on him and he had momentarily considered it, just to see if he could lose himself inside of her. Instead he had waved her off and drowned his guilt in vodka. He had no memory of getting home, but woke in bed surrounded by his own piss and puke. He had felt like he was dying that New Year’s day, and had only wished that it would happen faster. 

Just remembering it he felt sick. His stomach roiled and twisted, and he slowed, fearing he was about to vomit on the sidewalk. Seeing a small park on the next block, he made his way there and began walking. He took his time with his cool down, the frigid air now feeling like a relief to his overheated body. He began stretching his legs, knowing that they were likely to cramp after running so much when he was out of practice. How far had he run exactly? He had lived in Vancouver more than Austin the last twelve years, but he wasn’t sure he knew this park.

Pulling out his phone he mapped his location, and the distance from his apartment. Five and a half miles. That was a surprise. And nearly twice as far as he had meant to go. Enlarging his location on the map, he recognized the name of a bakery two blocks away. He could go there, get a water and wait inside while he called a car. Thumbing through his phone as he walked, he saw he had a new message from his therapist.

_ You missed your phone appointment last night. Wanted to see how you were doing. - Brian _

The message had been delivered five minutes ago. Jensen realized that with the time difference, the therapy office would just be opening in Austin. Dialing the number, he reversed his direction, thinking the park would be a more private place for a conversation. 

“Jensen! I didn’t expect to hear back from you so soon. Are you back in Austin already? Or just up super early in Vancouver?”

“No I’m up early. Been up half the night. Brian, I-” he swallowed hard, at a loss for what to say. “Things went sideways up here. And I- I fucked up.”

“Tell me about it.”

“I don’t even know where to start. I betrayed Dani, man. I brought this woman into my home, and now…”

At Brian’s promptings he managed to give a brief rundown of the last twenty-four hours.

“So what are you going to do next?”

“I- what? Did you hear what I just told you?

“I did. And while I think we have a few things to talk about, my more immediate concern is what your next step is going to be.”

“I don’t know. I really hadn’t thought past getting to this bakery nearby and getting an Uber home.”

“Mm-hmm. And when you get home, what are you going to say to her?”

“Oh shit. I hadn’t, I can’t go back there.”

“What else could you do?”

“I could go to Jared’s, get ready there.”

“Okay.”

“Just okay? No speech about how I need to face the consequences of my actions instead of running away?”

“The consequences of your actions? Jensen, you kissed a woman. It’s not a federal crime. And I’m not sure running away is what you’re doing. I mean yes, you literally went running, but it seems to me you used it as a healthy way to help you sort through everything that’s happened in the last few days.”

“I don’t know. Honestly I just couldn’t stay there any longer. I needed to get …. away.”

“And that’s okay. You’ve been flying through the healing process for weeks now, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been hard. If you need to stop, take a little breather, no one is going to judge you for it.”

“It’s just, if I don’t go back now,” he paused looking for the right words, “I mean, she’s gonna wake up and I’m not there. I’ll see her at work, but we’ll be surrounded by people and I’m flying back this afternoon ….”

“Ah. Well it would be a good idea to at least send her a message letting her know you went for a run. As for the rest, if it comes up, tell her the truth. You’re dealing with a lot of stuff right now and you just need more time to sort through it all. From all the things you’ve told me about her, I think she’ll respect that.”

“I guess.”

“And Jensen, while you’re in town, I’d like to do a session face to face.”

After scheduling his appointment, Jensen made his way to the bakery. He ordered two coffees and a dozen doughnuts before opening his Uber app. He climbed into the car and texted Jared that he was on his way. While he had the phone out he decided to text Shay as well.

_ Sorry I’m not there this morning. I went out for a run and wound up near Jared’s place. I’ll catch a ride in with him. _

The words were mostly true, but Jensen couldn’t shake the feeling that he was lying to her. 

Jensen let himself into Jared’s apartment, knowing that his friend had likely slept through his text. But no, today would be the exception. 

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Ran further than I expected, thought I’d stop by, use your shower. You cool with that?”

“Yeah, of course. But if you’re here, who’s with Shay?”

“She’s fine. Got up in the middle of the night, walking, talking, eating.” He paused for a moment and wondered if that was true. Had she gotten something else to eat?

“Okaaay. I just, I guess after yesterday, I thought….”

“Don’t. Just…. Don’t.”

He shoved the box of doughnuts into Jared’s hands, hoping to forestall any more questions.

*****

Church bells rang through a thick gray fog. Pushing leaded limbs out from the covers, Shay struggled to find the source of the noise. Fumbling across her cell phone, it was more luck than design that pushed snooze instead of off. 

Nine minutes later the process repeated itself. 

And again nine minutes after that. 

After the third round, Shay managed to push herself into a sitting position. God, she hadn’t been this tired in…. her stomach let out a loud growl. It felt like an empty cavern. She stopped trying to remember the last time she was this tired, and started trying to remember the last time she’d eaten something. What day was it? What had happened yesterday? Giving up she stretched and shuffled into the kitchen. Turning on the sink she splashed water on her face, and cupped water in her hands, drinking it down to ease the burning ache in her throat. When had her throat started hurting? Marginally more awake, she remembered the horrible coughing fit she’d had when she entered the frigid water for the first time yesterday. 

Yesterday. 

Yesterday they had been shooting at the lake. She tried to focus. It had been cold. They had been in the water mostly. Swimming alone, swimming with Jared. Soup. She had been wrapped in a blanket drinking a large mug of soup on the boat between shots for lunch. But no memory of dinner. Strange. She must have fallen asleep before she got around to eating. That would explain the gnawing feeling in her stomach. She began making coffee automatically, but halted when she opened the garbage can and saw broken glass, cereal, and blueberries lay on top of everything else. Wait- she remembered this too. Cleaning up this mess in the middle of the night, this mess that she had made when she was kissing Jensen. 

Adrenaline slammed through her bringing her finally, fully awake. Had that really happened? But the proof was right in front of her eyes. Dumping the coffee grounds she made a quick breakfast and sat down trying to pick through her memories. 

What was the last thing she remembered with any real clarity? Her first dive into the water. The shocking pain of cold, the panic as she fought against an element that she had loved her entire life. Those memories were razor-sharp. Her memories seemed to get less detailed, less certain as the day went on. She didn’t really remember the end of the day at all. 

There was a flash of sleeping in the backseat of a car, wrapped up in blankets like a burrito. People, multiple people coming up to the apartment, and then - Jensen. Pulling her out of sleep to ask strange questions. Catching blueberries out of the air. The feel of his mouth and his hands on her. Christ the man knew how to kiss. Her heart thudded in her chest just thinking of it. 

She was still sitting, lost in thought when her phone chimed. Glancing at it she saw she had two unread messages. The one that had just come in was from Clif, asking if she wanted something for breakfast. The other was from Jensen saying he had gone running and would ride to the studio with Jared. Frowning, she read it again, and searched for the time stamp. Over an hour ago. More than enough time to get back to his own apartment and use his own shower. But he was choosing to stay away. Her heart sank in her chest. So it had been real. The kiss had crossed a line. Now he had taken the first step back. 

Her first instinct was to cling desperately. She covered her face in her hands. Goddamn it! She had moved past this. She had worked so hard to leave that terrible needy part of her behind when she moved into this stage in her life. Suddenly his decision for an early morning run made perfect sense. If she were any kind of runner, she’d want to be out there too. Pushing herself for more speed, out pacing her worries. But running never had been her thing, and she didn’t have the time or inclination for a swim today. 

“‘So now what do I do?” she murmured to the empty apartment. The answer came not from her head or her heart, but her stomach. It gurgled audibly despite the food she had just eaten. A whisper of a laugh escaped her and she picked up the phone to text Clif back.

*****

“Sunshine!” Clif boomed through the apartment’s door twenty minutes later. She had taken two steps towards the door when she froze, eyes widening. Clif knew she was here? Not just here in the building, but here in Jensen’s apartment? It wasn’t a secret exactly, but they hadn’t told anyone either. When she opened the door, he refused to let her take anything out of his hands, making his way to the table to sit them down. After his hands were free, he took her by the shoulders and studied her face. He pulled her into an unexpectedly gentle hug for someone with arms like tree trunks. “Don’t you ever scare me like that again. You hear me?”

“I hear you,” to her dismay her voice was choked with emotion.

“How are you feeling?” The way he peered into her face she knew he didn’t just mean physically, but she decided to ignore that.

“I’m good. A little tired, a lot hungry, but good. What do we have in here?” She began unloading food, biting into a muffin before she had even emptied the bag. 

“You’re not gonna wait for Jay, huh?” Clif grinned at her, “you must be hungry.”

“Oh, I am.” She was going to have to tell him. After all, he was expecting to drive them both to the studio. “But Jensen’s not here. He’s riding in with Jared today.” 

Clif’s face darkened. Shay knew he must be formidable to be head of security on Jared and Jensen, but he had never seemed menacing to her until now. 

“What do you mean he’s not here? He said he was going to look after you. The only reason Barbara, hell any of us, agreed to go home was because he promised. And we believed him be-”

She held her hands up to stop him. “Easy there big guy. He checked on me. He just went for a run this morning.” She waved her hand over the food spread out on the table. “Can we eat now? I’m starving.” They did, but the mood between them was unsettled at best.

Once in the car, Clif looked over to Shay. “So what’s it gonna be kiddo? Talk radio or music?”

Shay grinned back at him, “Music. Your pick.” He fiddled with the buttons, pausing several times before he settled on an oldies channel. One song ended and the car filled with the sounds of Stayin’ Alive by the BeeGees. When he started finger dancing with the hand not on the wheel, Shay laughed so hard she started coughing.

“Hey there, you okay?” Clif asked with concern.

“Yeah. Guess my throat is a little scratched up from yesterday. Good thing Lexi just came out of the water too, I’m not sure I could do my normal voice today.”

“We’ll get Barbara to look at it this morning.”

“Barbara? The medic? We don’t need to do that.”  
“Actually we do. You’re not allowed to work until you’ve been cleared by medical.”

*****

Shay sat in a cast chair, wishing there were more seating options on set. Preferably a couch or a bed where she could stretch out until they needed her. Her day was really just beginning, but already she felt drained. And somehow, she was hungry. Again. 

Jared appeared beside her, cautiously wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Hey. They told me you were back today, but I wasn’t sure I believed it.”

She gave him a quick smile. “Why wouldn’t you believe it?”

“Well, the last time I heard anybody in that much pain, Gen was in labor.”

“Wait, what?”

Jared stared at her. “Yesterday. After we got you out of the water, you were in a lot of pain." He looked at her quizzically. "Do you really not remember this?”

“I-” she paused trying to remember. “Honestly, I don’t remember much. But Barbara said memory loss is a common side effect, so I shouldn’t worry about it.”

“Memory loss?”

Startled, she turned in her chair to see Jensen standing several feet behind her. Her pulse thudded faster. She searched his face, but his expression gave nothing away.

“Uh, yeah. Nothing long term, just yesterday is kind of a blank.”

“What do you remember?” Jensen’s voice and his face turned harsh.

“Um, going in the water. I remember being in for a long time, being cold. I guess my brain just sort of filled in that I went home and went to bed, but when Barbara asked me who drove, and if I washed my face before bed, I couldn’t actually answer her.”

Jared hugged her again. “That must be really freaky.”

“A little. It’s kinda like when you wake up and you  _ know _ you had a dream, but you absolutely can not remember what it was about. You know that feeling?”

“Oh yeah, I hate that,” Jared chuckled. “Other than that are you okay? You may not remember it, but you were in pretty bad shape yesterday.”

Jensen turned swearing, and strode away. Shay stared after him for a moment.

“Yeah, I’m starting to get that from how weird everybody’s being today. But I’m okay. A hoarse throat, some stiff muscles, nothing permanent.”

“Well, if there’s anything I can do for you, you let me know.”

“Actually, there is.” She looked at him, wondering if this was a good idea. “Maybe you could let the adorable goofball side come out to play today.” She noted his confused look and explained, “I’m feeling a little draggy, and I’ve got some heavy shit to get through today. It just seems like it’d be really easy to get bogged down. So a little levity might be appreciated.”

*****

“All right, let’s turn it around, get ready for coverage on Lexi,” Paul called to everyone. 

Jensen stepped off stage and sipped the coffee he had asked one of the PA’s to go get for him before they had started this scene. His fatigue was catching up to him, and it wasn’t helping his already turbulent mood. He knew his anger with Shay was irrational, but he couldn’t shake it. Ten minutes in the middle of the night with her had sent him into a freaking tailspin, and she didn’t even remember it. 

Getting back into position, Jensen tried to force himself back into the role. He had to get Sammy dry and warm. Like when they came out of the water yesterday. Shay had been so pale, so lifeless. Nothing like Jared looked now, his topless upper body bronzed to perfection as he sprawled in the recliner. But that's show business. Have to be pretty even when you’re dying. 

When they called action, he removed Jared’s boots and socks as Shay entered the scene carrying a pile of blankets. He started to fake undoing Jared’s jeans when suddenly Jared was doing it himself, and pushing them nearly to his knees. His face was barely two feet away when Jared’s dick flopped out for the world to see.

“Shit, Jared!” he roared in objection. He heard barks of laughter and surprise from all around him, infuriating him further. He turned back ready to lay into his friend, but saw Jared wasn’t looking at him at all.

Jared grinned at Shay, apparently unfazed at his own exposure. “You said I should let my adorable goofball out to play,” he teased. 

Shay, already bent double laughing, collapsed to the floor in a fit of giggles. But then a cough cut through her laughter, followed by another and another. The laughter around the room faded and died. He started toward her, not believing that the deep booming sound he was hearing was coming from Shay’s slender form. She put her hand up to stop him. Gaining control she took a deep breath and looked up at Jared with approval.

“Well, I did ask for a  _ little _ levity,” she agreed dryly.

Jared’s whoop of delight brought her smile back out, although he noticed she pressed a hand to her chest briefly as if she was afraid she might begin coughing again. 

Deciding playtime was over, he addressed both of them. “Come on guys, we don’t get this done I’m gonna miss my flight.”

“Your flight?” Shay’s voice was gritty.

“I’m going home. To Austin.” He had told her that, hadn’t he? The look on her face said otherwise. Shit.

“Oh. I didn’t know.”

Heat streaked over his skin at the small, hurt sound of her voice. He still had the instinct to go to her, make sure she was okay. His eyes darted around highly aware that there were at least thirty pairs of eyes fixed on the micro-drama that was playing out. 

“Yeah.”

“Well then,” her voice was composed again. She looked over at Jared with a ghost of a grin, “we better get this done.”

*****

Pacing the length of the sound stage, Jensen waited for them to get the cameras set up for the next shot. It was taking forever. But it would be worth it in time saved, he reminded himself. He was lucky they had three camera operators and could capture this scene for three different angles simultaneously. It wasn’t a thing they could do very often. But this scene with Dean and Lexi in front of the fireplace allowed for one camera to shoot straight on at a middling range, and two others at a wide angle, each zoomed to one character’s face. 

“Okay people, two minutes until this is a closed set! If you’re not needed for this scene, please make your way back to the control room. Shay and Jensen, we need you on your marks for the final lighting check.”

Jensen headed to the stage, as the bulk of the people in the room headed away from it. Anytime there was work involving nudity, or even partial undressing like this one, Supernatural made it a priority to reduce the number of people in the room to a bare minimum. Shay was already standing on her mark, holding her shirt up as Amber contoured lines onto her abdomen differentiating the central section from the obliques. Waiting for her to finish, and then for the main gaffer to take his light readings off both of them, he finally stood alone with Shay. Well, alone with half a dozen people on the sound stage, and two dozen more watching them on screens in the control room.

“You're going to have to look at me you know.” He was galled to hear how insulted his voice came out. 

“I know.” Her voice was small and hollow. She stood unusually still, her eyes on his chest but her gaze unfocused. The memory of holding her the day before when she had been so cold and barely breathing flashed into his mind. Why did she seem so broken? It wasn’t from the ordeal yesterday. Their encounter in the kitchen  _ proved _ that. 

Was she staying in character between takes? That wasn't normal for her. But then nothing today seemed normal. His anger flared, but he gritted his teeth and pushed it down. He was a professional. He did  _ not _ snap at people on set.

They ran through the scene three times. He knew they were getting their action and the few lines correct, but he also knew why Paul was unhappy with what he was getting. The scene felt flat.

“Do we want to run it again?” he stepped back up to his mark.

“Ah, just hold. Paul says he’s coming in.” A set dresser answered, listening to her headset as she refolded blankets.

“Director on the set!” someone called.

Paul joined them in the middle of the living room set. 

“Okay guys, technically you are nailing the script. But it feels like you’re nailing it into a coffin. You guys always give me the same scene with three or four different kinds of energy. Right now we’ve got three takes with no energy. Jensen, you’re about to rip the clothes off this woman. Give me a little heat. He can be pissed about it, but it’s still a turn on, or we might as well not do it. Shay, every line he says to you is either cursing or a direct order. Is Lexi really going to just take that with no objections? You two talk for a minute. Riff with it, ad lib, whatever, but bring it to  _ life _ . You got me?”

After they both agreed, Paul left them to brainstorm. 

After a long moment, Shay spoke, “I keep looking for the emotions and coming up blank. She’s just realized that all of this comes back to her. If she had done something differently, they might all be alive. Every moment of heartbreak she’s had leads right back to herself.” 

Shay rubbed her knuckles across her bottom lip before continuing. “What about him? You’d think he’d be grateful she saved Sam.”

“He is. But she put herself at risk. And even more so when she didn’t take care of herself after. She took care of Sam, hell she even patched up Mick, but she’s still dripping wet and freezing. He swore to himself that he wouldn’t touch her, wouldn’t let himself respond to this attraction he doesn’t want. Now he’s gonna have to do this thing that’s going to make that impossible.”

He saw her throat moving as the implications of his words set in.

“Well it sounds like you found Dean’s anger.”

“What about Lexi’s?”

She shook her head. “I’m just going to have to mirror, and see what comes up.”

Just then the call came to lower the lighting and for quiet on the set. They clicked the marker and it was up to him to begin the scene.

“Lexi, hey.” 

He snapped his fingers right in front of Shay's face causing her to blink.

“Look at me.”

His voice was deep and demanding. When she turned her eyes upward she looked so trusting, her pupils dilating with - was that arousal? Keeping the dominating tone he delivered the next line.

“Take your clothes off. Now.” 

He watched carefully. A flush rose to her cheeks and her breath became slightly shallow. This was her mirroring? He was giving her terse and angry and she was coming back with lust? But even as he tried to deny it, he could feel himself stiffening in response. His fist clenched as he forced himself to turn away. He counted to keep the timing for a shot they had already recorded of him moving the sofa. 

Turning back he saw her standing there, hands shaking, tugging at her shirt as was in the script, but her eyes were still on him. He swore he heard her gulp.

“God damn it.”

He closed the distance between them. One harsh rip opened her shirt, a long shove sent it off her arms to the floor. Going down on one knee he deftly undid the button and zipper of her jeans. Tugging the fabric from side to side, he could almost imagine the scent of her arousal as the denim slid past her hips. He felt the air leave him in a rush and shudder back in. Giving up, he grasped her sides in a bruising grip. Leaning in he let his face rest against her soft skin. He could feel the underside of her bra brushing against the top of his head, and her belly button teased him, a mere inch from his lips. He allowed himself two breaths before he hurled himself away from her. He snagged blanket off the floor and draped it around her before scooping her up and nearly throwing her on the couch. 

The camera hovering over the couch was a stark reminder of his reality. He wrapped the blanket around her roughly before moving down to remove her socks and jeans completely. Thrusting a second blanket around her legs he stumbled back to his chair and dropped into it, his chest heaving as if he had just sprinted a mile. Looking over his eyes locked on hers and the moment drew out unbearably. 

“Cut!” 

The voice blaring through a speaker jolted Jensen out of his staring match with Shay. Propping his elbows on his knees, he rubbed his face. He heard footsteps coming his way. Tish stood in front of him, holding her headset and her walkie out to him. He took it and put it on slowly, afraid he was about to get the chewing out of his career. 

“Jensen, that was a definite upswing in energy, but, um, a little rough. Let’s try again, something a bit gentler this time.”

Turning he extended the walkie back to the PA and neared Shay hesitantly. She was redressed and sitting on the couch, her eyes fixed on the floor. He sat on his heels in front of her so that he was directly in her eye line.

“I’m sorry. Shay, going off script like that, without talking to you, it was - inexcusable. I don’t know why I keep mucking everything up today.” This staring off into space thing she was doing was killing him. He needed her to look at him, to  _ see _ him. “Are you okay to try again?” Her eyes remained unfocused. Gently he slid his hand under hers. “Did I hurt you?”

Shaking her head, she gave an exasperated sigh.

“Get up here you idiot.” She tugged at his hand.

He joined her on the couch, although now he had to duck his head to see her face. 

“I don’t know what to say,” he leaned his shoulder against hers, “I’m no good at this kind of stuff.”

“Yes you are.” She leaned into him as well. “But it’s okay. I’m fine.”

“Shay,” he wondered how many times she had said that today. Holding the silence until she finally, finally looked up at him, he gave a tiny shake of his head. “It’s me.” His tone left no doubt that he didn’t believe that she was fine at all.

Her eyes dropped for a second as the edge of her lips ticked upward. “Hey you,” she murmured. She looked back up at him slowly, and in that moment he knew they saw each other clearly.

“It’s not just the scene,” she confessed. “It’s yesterday. Last night. Everything seems so different, and I…...” she shook her head, her eyes going hazy again. “I’m tired Jay. I’m so damn tired.”

That phrase stirred a memory he couldn’t quite reach. Which must be how she felt about all of yesterday. And no wonder she was tired, after everything she had been through. Wrapping his arm around her, he could still feel the piercing anger that had ruled him for most of the day. But alongside it was something warmer, softer, something familiar and infinitely more comfortable.

*****

That atrocious needy feeling was back. She had actually uttered the words ‘last night’ on set where anyone with access to the sound recordings could hear them. When prompted, she dragged herself back up to her mark. She tuned out her surroundings for a moment, searching for Lexi, but found nothing other than her own inner turmoil. 

“Hey, hey look at me.” 

A snapping noise made her blink. Oh shit, he had already started. Her eyes rounded in horror. She didn’t have her character.

“Take off your clothes.” His voice was gentle, instructing not demanding. When she didn’t respond he lifted her chin with his finger. “Now.”

He turned away. She looked down and discovered that her hands were actually shaking. Or maybe trembling would be a better word. She lifted them to the top of her shirt undoing the first snap, and the second, before realizing her mistake. He turned back, meeting her panicked gaze. 

“Damn it Shay,” his voice was defeated. 

She expected him to stop, or to hear cut from one of the walkies. Surely someone had noticed that he had said the wrong name. But the cameras rolled on, recording something that was neither real nor fully fictional. Jensen didn’t rip at her shirt, but worked each of the snaps open individually. She didn’t intend to let her eyes fill with tears, but she felt them overflow when the sensation of his hands brushing over her arms made her eyes flutter shut.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” Jensen wrapped her in the blanket, despite having totally abandoned the script. He pulled her in close, pressing her face to his own. He shifted slowly, stubble scraping across her skin then disappearing as the softness of his full lips grazed her cheek. It wasn’t a kiss exactly, but every bit as intimate. She let her eyes stay closed as he lifted her to the couch, and felt the heat of more tears flow over her cheeks as he tended to her. She felt dazed, only half aware of a voice cutting the scene. Even then she stayed put, drawing in a deep breath and releasing it slowly. She needed this morning, this day to be over. 

“Shay?” 

She opened her eyes to see Tish holding her clothes out to her.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Paul says we’re breaking for lunch. He also told me to find out what you want and bring it to your trailer. He wants you to take a nap until he calls for you.”

She smiled at the younger woman, “That I can totally do.” 

Sitting up she pulled the jeans up as high as she could, and only stood up to get them over her hips. Looking around she realized Jensen was nowhere to be seen. He had left without saying goodbye.

*****

Damn it, what the hell was wrong with him? He’d nearly done it again. He could only hope that his betrayal, that moment of indecision where he had thought of kissing Shay would be attributed to Dean’s actions and not his own. He had occasionally been overwhelmed by emotional scenes before, sometimes having to walk it off after shooting. Even so, heading out the moment Paul had called a wrap on him for the scene felt exactly the same as the need to get out of his apartment this morning.

When he arrived at his regular pick up spot no one was there. Normally if he had to fly after a half day of work he would have packed everything and left directly from the studio. But because of his cowardice this morning, he’d had no choice but to ask Clif to go back to the apartment and grab his travel documents and identification. 

He glanced at his watch and saw that Clif should have arrived already. It wasn’t like him to be late. Now he felt like even more of a jerk for not saying his goodbyes. To Shay especially. It physically hurt to think that he didn’t know if or when he would see her again. He shook off the feeling. He didn’t want it to hurt. He didn’t want to feel disloyal toward Daneel and the life they had together.

Clif pulled up in the big black SUV. Jensen went to open the passenger door and found it locked. Through the window Clif jerked his thumb toward the back seat. He frowned as he climbed in. He always sat shotgun unless they were headed to an event where fans or photographers might crowd the car trying to get pictures. Never for a routine trip to the airport. Clif neither greeted him nor reminded him to buckle up as was his habit. And the car which was always filled with music that reflected Clif’s mood was silent. Angry silent, Jensen thought. He decided to break the mood.

“Hey man, thanks for going and getting my stuff. I really appreciate it.”

Clif didn’t respond. Biting his lip, he decided to let the man be. God knew Clif had sat through enough silent rides for him in the past few months. They were more than halfway to the airport before either man spoke again.

“I never would have believed it. From you of all people.” Clif’s voice was flat, derisive. 

Jensen hesitated, unsure of what to say. Tension hung in the air. Finally he cleared his throat. “What are you talking about?”

“What am I talking about?” Clif roared, “I’m talking about finding Shay in your apartment this morning-” he was cut off by the blaring of a horn from the car in the next lane. In his anger he had swerved dangerously close to sideswiping the smaller car.

Jensen clutched the back of the passenger seat for balance as the SUV lurched back into its own lane. 

“You knew she was in my apartment. You knew last night!”

“Oh, I knew a whole hell of a lot sooner than that! You think I wouldn’t notice that you all come down on the same elevator all week? Or that you were carrying her coat as well as your own? You’re not nearly as fucking slick as you think you are Ackles. But you both seemed happy, so I figured what the hell. Maybe it’ll be good for him. Remind him what it is to be alive. But I thought it was more than that. Thought more of you. That’s the only reason I agreed to leave last night. Hell, I even fucking convinced Barbara. Thought maybe you wanted to take her to your bed so you could hold her and you were too shy to do it with all of us there. I never, not for one goddamned second could have imagined that you would abandon her while she slept. Do you know that she doesn’t have one clear memory from lunch yesterday until she woke up this morning? Can you imagine how scared she must have been? How confused? And she was alone.  _ Alone _ . Of all the things the ways you could fuck this up, I never would have guessed that one. Not after Daneel.” 

Jensen felt like he had been gut shot. The pain speared out of his abdomen, and up into his chest. He wanted to snap back at Clif, but honestly he was having a hard enough time just getting air in and out of his lungs. Clif, probably aware that he had gone one giant step beyond enough, drove on in silence. When they reached the exit for the airport, Clif began to tighten his grip on the wheel uneasily. 

“Jay, I shouldn’t have-”

“No.” Jensen cut him off. “You shouldn’t.”

As soon as the car was at the curb, he grabbed his things and rocketed out the door, disappearing into the bustle of the airport.


	11. February 28,2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen spends the day catching up with his life in Austin, while Jared and Shay try to fill in the missing pieces.

Due to a delay in Denver, Jensen hadn’t gotten home until nearly midnight. When his phone alarm went off the next morning, he turned it off without thinking. The next wake up call wasn’t so easy to ignore. 

“Daddy!” The excited shout accompanied what looked to his blurry eyes to be a pink and purple tornado made exclusively of knees and elbows as it barrelled into his prone form. In an instant the twister transformed into the sweet smell of little girl shampoo, and the weight and grip of JJ as she snuggled into him for all she was worth. 

“Hmm, I’ve missed you Jaybird.”

“I’ve missed you too Daddy.”

This is what it was about. This was what made it all worth it. The never-ending flight delays, the travel grime that still stuck to his skin, the morning breath so bad he could taste it, were all so he could have this moment with his little girl. And then the moment passed, and JJ was bouncing up and down on his very full bladder. 

Rolling over, Jensen grabbed JJ and hauled her down onto the bed. Tickling her mercilessly, he didn’t stop until she was breathless, and then pretended to collapse on top of her, pinning her to the bed with his shoulder.

“Come on, Daddy, get up, up, up! Nana said you’re taking me to school today!”

“Okay, sweetheart, I’m up. Let’s go get this day started.”

Hearing a chuckle, he turned his head to look over his shoulder, “Hey mom.” He had always loved his parents, and the way they had essentially moved down here to support him and JJ the last couple of months was nothing short of a miracle. But he still didn’t want to roll out of bed and greet his mother in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. Thankfully she took charge of the situation.

“JJ, let’s give your Daddy a few minutes to wake up, while we go make some breakfast.” After JJ had dashed back out, his mother chuckled. “What I wouldn’t give for some of that energy. Don’t take too long, or I won’t be able to keep her from coming back in.”

*****

She was early. Glancing at her phone as her driver pulled away, Shay saw that it was just past nine in the morning. She wasn’t due until 10:30, but she  _ would not  _ allow the knot of nerves in her chest to rule her. Pulling on the door she found it locked. Great. She pounded her frustrations on the door until a college aged girl came and opened it.

“Can I help you?” The girl’s tone indicated that she might have said help, but she really meant strangle.

“I’m with the film crew that’s working here today.”

With an enormous sigh, the girl stepped back and gestured down the hall to the right. Shay had taken four steps into the building when she heard Jensen’s voice. No, Dean’s voice. The girl was watching Supernatural on her laptop behind the counter. She had been so rude because Shay had interrupted her viewing. She thought briefly about telling the girl that if she really liked the show she should be more respectful of the people who were about to come in, but decided against it. She really wished she could see the girl’s face when Jared showed up. God she hoped she was a Sam girl. Biting back a smile, Shay let herself into the locker room and changed into an old lap suit. 

Walking out onto the pool deck, she could see the underwater crew were already present and placing a series of rubber liners over the edges of the pool. Once in place the typical swimming pool blue would be dark, greens and browns filtered through the water’s prisms to give the impression that they were still filming in a natural setting. Except of course that the water itself would still be crystal clear, to ensure facial recognition of the two characters.

Twisting her hair into a braid behind her, she dipped a foot into the water. It felt cool, but the kind of chill that reminded her of early morning swim practices and paddling her board out to ending sets of waves waiting to be caught.

“Well, well, well, the prodigal water baby returns.” One of the men in the pool made his way over to where she stood by the edge. 

“Hi,” Shay gave a hesitant smile, “I wanted some time in the water before we started filming.” She knew this man’s face. Knew he was in charge of the dive team, but couldn’t for the life of her remember his name.

“Got a little spooked the other day, eh?” he made a come in gesture with his hand. 

Deciding not to try to ease in she jumped, the cool water enveloping her from her toes all the way up to her scalp. She let out a quick yelp underwater to vent the jolt of cold at submerging so quickly, but she was still in control of herself. Surfacing she saw the man watching her closely.

“Whew! That’s gonna take a few laps to get used to.” She smiled at him in a more open way than before. “I know I should know your name, but I just don’t. Tell me again?”

“It’s Terry.” His brow creased in concern. “You don’t remember me from the other day? We had a few pretty good conversations. You told me about how you could swim before you could walk, and I talked about teaching my grandkids?”

Shay shook her head regretfully. “I remember you were there but-,” she bit her lip. “I know I worried a lot of people, and since you’re in charge you were probably right at the top of that list. I’m sorry about that.” She studied his face, hoping he wasn’t going to insist on staying right by her side all day. “What I’d really like to do now is take a couple quick laps, and then hang out until it feels like home again. Does that make sense?”

A wry smile crossed his face. “Yeah. I’ve had to do the same a few times after rough dives. It’s like there’s a part of you that can’t settle, even on land, until you’ve come back and made your peace with the water.”

Joy filled her at his understanding. 

“Go on, get.” he shooed her toward the end of the pool free of divers. “But I’m still going to be watching you like a hawk.”

Giving him a salute, she turned and dove beneath the water. Swimming back and forth the width of the pool instead of the length wasn’t very satisfying, but it did warm her. She wished for a pair of goggles so she could do all her strokes correctly, but knowing the circles they would leave on her face, she hadn’t wanted to risk it. Once she felt warm and loose she floated a bit, less buoyant in this chlorinated water than the salt water she was used to, but still doable. Every so often she would dive, twisting and turning in the water, coming back up to float in the sun coming in through the buildings high windows. Contentment swept through her, feeling very much like a puzzle piece that had been turned in just the right way and now snapped into place. Whatever happened today, now she felt ready. 

A laugh echoing off the high concrete walls caught her attention. She turned, and saw Jared clapping his hands, a delighted look on his face. He jogged to the edge closest to her, grinning all the way. It was infectious. She found herself grinning back without even knowing what had made him so happy.

“What’s got you so cheerful this morning?” she asked.

“You. Clif was so worried about you, and here you are playing like a sea otter.”

“A sea otter? Hmh, I’ll take that, they are pretty cute.” Reaching up toward him, she asked, “Wanna hold hands?”

He laughed again. “If I do, are you gonna pull me in?”

She pursed her lips as if thinking about it, and then nodded. “Probably.”

“Pass. I just got this phone. Besides I’ll be in soon enough. You haven’t already been to hair and makeup have you?”

She climbed a ladder, pausing in a Baywatch-esque pose, letting the water stream off of her. “Why, does it show?” She batted her naked eyelashes at him. 

*****

Jensen enjoyed driving. He kept a car in Vancouver, but he usually only used it on his days off. And of course he tried to have his days off grouped together so that he could travel here to Austin. Driving JJ to school this morning had been a treat for her, but man, his ears were ringing by the time he got to the school’s parking lot. On the way out he decided on silence rather than radio, and rolled down the car’s windows. The early morning air was crisp, but he knew this time of year it could be 70 and balmy later in the day. 

Stopping by the mailbox on his way in he pulled the day’s mail and made his way to his office to drop it off. The sight of the mountain of papers that had been growing on his desk for the last several months made him wince.

“No time like the present I guess,” he grumbled to himself.

Turning on one of his favorite country playlists and opening the windows he got to work. Dani had always organized things for him while he was out of town, and it didn’t take long for him to come to the conclusion that he had taken that for granted. Giving up on opening anything, he began to just sort the mail into piles. Scripts for potential projects, packages of fan mail from his agency, actual business letters from his agency, others from the publicity company, the lawyers office, medical bills and finally a huge pile of random things that were probably just junk. More than two hours slipped by while he discarded trash, made his way through the papers, careful to jot down notes about calls he needed to make or bills to pay. He startled at the sound of his mother’s voice from the doorway.

“Oh, I’m glad to see you doing that. I was starting to get nervous about how big that pile of papers was getting.” 

“Starting,” his father snorted, “she’s been wringing her hands for weeks.”

“I have not! I just said maybe we should send it to him, or at least open it to make sure it wasn’t important,” his mother argued. “You don’t have any plans tonight do you?”

“No, just planning on being here.”

“Good.” She gave his shoulders a squeeze, “that’s good. I’m proud of you sweetheart.”

*****

When Jared and Shay broke for lunch, Paul came by and reviewed what they had left to do for the day. After he’d moved away, Shay glanced up and saw Clif sitting alone in the stands, in the same spot he’d been all morning.

“Jare, why is Clif staying all day? It’s not like we need crowd control in here.”

“Are you kidding me? He’s here to watch you.”

At her disbelieving look, Jared just shrugged. “He was really worked up this morning. Even insisted on going by Jensen’s to pick you up, but of course you weren’t home.”

Okay, she wished he hadn’t said that quite so loudly. At least three heads turned toward them.

“But why?”

“You really don’t remember how bad it was at the lake do you? If Jay hadn’t already left for Austin, he’d be here shitting a brick too. You- we were scared, Shay. All of us. Which is why it was so awesome to come in here this morning and see you playing, having fun. It helped put those other images out of my mind.”

Shay wrapped her wet hair around her hand. “Everyone keeps telling me how bad it was. It’s just…. I’m fine. I guess it’s hard for me to understand.”

“Tell you what. Let’s get the dailies sent over. When we’re all done here we’ll grab some food, go back to my place, and play those while I tell you about the day. Sound like a plan?”

“It does. Thanks Jare.”

*****

“Jared! Jared, we’ve heard rumors that Ms. Martin was brought back to the show because of her relationship with one of the stars. We assumed that meant Jensen, but maybe we were wrong? Does Gen know about this?”

Jared turned to face the woman, not so subtly pushing her behind his massive shoulders.

“We’re just here for sandwiches. And yes, Gen knows I eat. I do it everyday.” 

Turning back he continued to block her from view.

“Take a step back Jare. I don’t mind someone snapping a picture of me in a sandwich shop, but I do mind it looking like you’re trying to press me into the wall.”

“Sorry. It’s just, I didn’t see that coming. I try to prepare for running into paparazzi at events or even airports sometimes. But usually if someone comes up in a place like this they’re just looking for a selfie, you know? Not running up like a tabloid reporter with their phone in my face.”

“Relax. She’s some Lois Lane with a blog, trying to get the big scoop. And now she’s got it. Jared Padalecki likes sandwiches.”

The shoot had gone longer than expected. Shay didn’t mind much, but it meant they had hit the deli at the peak of the dinner rush. After waiting for several minutes, they shuffle forward with the rest of the line. Jared still looked troubled.

“I guess you’ve had to deal with this your whole life, huh?” he asked.

“On and off.” She gave him a tight smile, “I’ve learned that the pictures, the headlines are really the smaller part of the problem. Like the fuse on a firework. If the people you love don’t believe the lies, then there’s no bang.”

“Yeah, but I hate that they even have to read it. Fuck, here come the sharks. Lois Lane has some pretty dedicated followers. Some of those guys sell to TMZ.”

Shay couldn’t see the window, but she trusted Jared. She opened the Uber app on her phone.

“We can take two cars, but I need your address.”

“No good. Mine’s just across the street. I was planning on walking. Let’s go to yours instead.”

Shay heard her order number being called. “Okay, see you in a bit.” Taking her food she exited the deli and was immediately surrounded by voices.

“Shay, baby, give us a smile!”

“Ms. Martin! How do you like Vancouver? Are you still here doing television? Or are you ready to go back to feature films?”

A more aggressive man pushed past shoving a microphone in her face. “Are you going to become a regular on Supernatural? Is it true that you’re dating one of the show’s stars?”

“You homewrecking bitch. It was bad enough that you moved in on Jensen before his wife was cold in the ground, but now you’re going after Jared too? He has a family!”

The last came from a girl that looked no more than 20. She didn’t have a camera or microphone. Clearly this was personal to her. The aggressive reporter turned to her, asking questions.

Turning back to the man who had been polite, she answered, “I’ve enjoyed my time in Vancouver. The Supernatural cast and crew is incredibly tight knit, but they still manage to be very welcoming to an outsider coming in to work on the show. If you’ll excuse me, I think that’s my car.”

Sliding into the car, she drew a deep breath as it pulled away. Considering Vancouver was sometimes called Hollywood North, she had been lucky not to have had a run in with reporters before now. She had waved back to some photographers in the airport on her first arrival weeks ago, done some selfies with a few of the dedicated Supernatural fans who had shown up on location to see them film, but nothing big. And no mention of rumors that she knew of. Frowning, she texted her agent, Amanda. 

_ A, just got some questions about rumors of me in a relationship. You seen anything? _

Amanda’s response was almost immediate. 

_ Nothing has flagged on any of your social media accounts. You want me to go looking? _

_ I’d rather know what’s coming. And it might not be focused on me. They mentioned something about one of the leads from the show I’m guesting on. _

_ You can’t be serious. _

_ Very. This fanbase is…..fanatical. _

_ I’ll get back _

Putting her phone away, Shay looked out the window. It took her a minute to realize that the car was headed the wrong way.  
“Excuse me, but we need to be headed west.”  
“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry, I missed a turn. The GPS says this is the most direct route back to your location.”

It took another ten minutes, but they did wind up in the right place. Shay chuckled to see that Jared was already there, climbing out of the back of a tiny hybrid. He looked like an origami puzzle unfolding. 

Calling his name, she caught up to him before he entered the lobby.

“How’d you end up behind me? My food took way longer than yours.”

“Driver took a wrong turn.”

They were nearly to the elevators when she heard her voice being called. 

“Ms. Martin! Could you come here for just a minute?”

Turning, she muttered, “Our food is going to be so cold.” Walking back to the counter, she recognized the young man that Jensen had gotten the key from earlier in the week. 

“Kyle, how are you?”

He stood taller, smiling at her recognition. “I’m well, thank you. Some deliveries came for you today.”

“For me? That’s unusual.”

“Yes, one was marked sensitive, so I’ll run and get it from the safe, but these,” he pulled an arrangement of flowers from under the counter, “I can give to you now.”

“Oh! They’re so pretty!” She beamed at the collection of pink, peach, and white blooms in front of her.

Kyle smiled, “I’ll just go get the other.”

“Who are they from?” Jared’s voice came from above her shoulder.

“I have no idea.” She leaned in and sniffed a rose. “Hardly anyone even knows where I’m staying. My parents maybe. They have the address from the last time I stayed.”

His hand reached behind a lily and plucked out a card she hadn’t seen. “Why don’t you find out?”

Kyle emerged from the office, handing over another package. “Would you like a hand up to your unit miss?”

“Um, no, I think I can-” Shay slipped the package into her bag, took her food in one hand and cradled the flowers in the other. “Wait, the card-”

“In my pocket,” Jared grinned at her. She made a face back.

“Thank you Kyle. Have a nice night!”

They took the elevator up, and somehow managed to get the door open without dropping anything. Swinging through the kitchen she plopped her food on the counter and turned on the oven before returning to the living room.

“I’m going to heat my food up if you want me to put yours in too.” She told Jared as she sat the flowers on the coffee table.

“I’ll do it.” He headed for the kitchen with his food. “What was the other package you got?” he called back.

“Nosy, aren’t you?” she teased him as she pulled it out of her bag. Opening it, she saw the dvds with their studio labels. “Oh, these are the dailies from yesterday.”

“Why’d they send them to you here? He called.

“Part of my contract,” he reappeared around the corner, “I get veto power over scenes with any kind of nudity. In case they’re more revealing than anticipated.”

“Well I thought they revealed a lot, and I’m not talking about skin.”

Shay hadn’t realized he’d been watching her scene with Jensen the day before and flushed at the thought. The two of them had worked together for so long, maybe he could help her understand what had happened, but that mystery still felt a little too close for comfort. Tonight was supposed to be about helping her remember what happened at the lake. Digging through her bag she came up with the dailies from two days before. Popping the disc in the dvr, she hit play and then turned down the sound so they’d be able to talk over it.

Jared walked back in, carrying a shot and a beer in each hand.

“What’s this for?”

“I hate watching my dalies, and that’s when I remember doing them. I figure at least once you’re going to want a good belt of whiskey.”

“That may be true,” Shay shook her head, “but I gotta tell you, my liver is hating Vancouver. I’ve had more to drink in a week here than I would in a month at home.

“Just wait until we get you down to Austin. We’ve got our own brewery and bar down there.”

A clammy sweat popped out on Shay’s forehead at Jared’s casual mention of her visiting Austin. She had never considered being invited to see the other half of Jensen’s life, but suddenly she wished she could. She was deeply curious about the draw that kept both these men traveling the length of the country, rather than making a home in Vancouver.

Casting her eyes around for another subject, she saw herself run for the water for the first time.

“I remember this, so I guess we can fast forward.”

“Or,” Jared held out the card from her flowers with a flourish. 

She snatched it from his hand. Opening it she read it once, twice, then just stared in confusion. 

“What’s it say?”

“Call you soon. No signature, nothing.” She handed it back. “Definitely not from my family, we talk everyday anyway.” 

A beep came from the kitchen, and she went to pull their dinners from the oven. Dishing them out onto plates, she carried them back to the living room. Biting into hers, she hummed her approval.

“Those are really good.”

“Told ya.”

“Worth the Lois Lane?”

He shrugged, “Well, she’s not usually there.”

*****

Jensen sat feeding papers into his firepit in the backyard. Daneel had always accused him of being a pyromaniac. But he figured burning papers was more effective identity protection than shredding, and it was a hell of a lot more fun. A wry smile crossed his face. Maybe Daneel had been right. 

He startled slightly when his dad stepped up next to him. “Mind if we join you?”

“Of course. Mom coming out too?”

“Yeah. She wanted to get some tea. And check on JJ. And probably half a dozen other things she didn’t say. She’ll be along shortly.” They sat appreciating the smell of wood smoke against the bracing night air. When his mother emerged from the house she carried not only tea but a pair of lightweight blankets. Handing one to him she tucked the other around her legs, offering the other half to his father.

As soon as she was settled, his mom cleared her throat, a sure sign that she was gearing up for a conversation that she was unsure about. 

“Earlier, you mentioned you had an appointment with Dr. Miles tomorrow. So that’s been working for you? The distance hasn’t been too much of an issue?”

“Yeah, it’s been going okay. We talk twice a week, by phone or video call. And like this week when something came up at work and I missed, he just texted me and we reschedule.”

“What came up this week?” his father asked.

“There was a bit of an emergency situation, and I forgot all about the call.”

“An emergency? Was someone hurt?” He loved that his mom was so worried about anyone associated with the show, even if she hadn’t met them.

He thought of how Shay had looked after she came out of the water, the sounds she had made while Jared held her. 

“Jensen,” his mother reached a hand out for his knee, making him realize he hadn’t answered. “What happened? What was the emergency?”

“We were shooting in water, and one of the cast got hypothermic.”

“Who was it honey?”

“Shay Martin. She’s okay,” he clarified, “but it was- it was a rough day.” 

“I’ve heard that name. Why is that name familiar?” His dad’s eyes were on him now.

“Oh come on honey!” his mom interjected, “She was a big movie star as a kid. It was a really big deal when they got her to come on the show. Some friend of Misha’s isn’t she?”

“Yeah, he was in her last movie. She’ up for some awards for that one. For the writing and the acting. You remember Dad, I told you a while back about going boxing with Clif-”

“Wait, I thought you said Shane. You’re telling me your boxing buddy was a girl?” his father interrupted.

“Well, I didn’t actually fight  _ her _ , just, she was the one that got me to go the first time.” 

“What, you afraid she could take you?” 

Jensen smiled, knowing his dad was winding him up. “Nah. Her form might be better, but she can’t catch me. I’m quicker than quick, faster than fast.”

His dad chuckled along with him. His mom did her little throat clearing thing again. Apparently that had not been the conversation she had been intending.

“I’m glad things are working out with Dr. Miles, just like I was relieved to see you tackle that paperwork that had piled up. It seems like you’re starting to take control of your life again.” She paused, looking at his dad for support. He didn’t say anything, but covered his wife’s hand with her own. “What we were wondering, and I wasn’t going to bring it up until you were home on break, but then I was talking to one of the other mothers at school and-”

“Hon,” his father cut in, “you’re babbling.” Looking at him, his father squared his shoulders and spoke plainly. “We’re wondering what you’re planning to do about JJ.” When seconds went by without anyone speaking, his father spoke up again. “You know we love her as much as we love you and your brother and sister. We were happy to put things on hold and come down here to help. But your hiatus is coming up, and things are going to start to change. There are some decisions that need to be made about her future. Decisions that should really be made by you. So we’ve been talking, and we’ve decided that once you’re home for the summer, we’re going to head out.”

“We’ll still keep JJ while you do your summer convention tour,” his mom added hastily, “or travel with both of you, if that’s what you decide. It’s just, we want to go see your sister and your brother too. As lovely as your home is, we miss our own.”

His father clapped a hand on his shoulder. “It’s time son. We’ll get you through your current commitments. What you do after that is up to you.”

*****

After they had finished eating, and cleared away the mess, Jared joined her on the couch, tucking one long leg up so that his knee was touching her own. “Before we get started I need to ask you something.”

“Okay, sure.”

“What’s going on with you and Jensen?”

Shay felt her heart lurch sideways. Giving her head a little shake, she prepared to deny everything but Jared cut her off. 

“Don’t tell me ‘nothing’ Shay. And don’t give me that line about being support buddies. There’s an energy between the two of you that’s …… electric. I  _ know _ you know what I’m talking about. But if we’re still pretending it doesn’t exist, I’m going to have to edit the story I’m about to tell you.”

“What do you mean edit?”

Rather than answer her, he sat silent. His eyes seemed ready to read every flicker of her face.

“Fine. There is …… something.” 

He continued to sit and watch her, apparently unsatisfied by her answer.

“We’re friends. And it’s all good. But then he’ll do something, or get a certain look and I- Electric is a good word.” She rubbed her fist over her breastbone, trying to relieve the pressure there. “Please don’t ask me any more than that. Whatever it was, he’s in Austin now. By the time he gets back to Vancouver, I’ll be gone. “

“You think geography is going to be the deal breaker?”

He reached a long arm over and delicately pulled one bloom out of the arrangement, handing it to her. 

“Somehow I don’t think so.”

She couldn’t stop the sharp inhale any more than she could hide the hope and fear that warred within.

Satisfied with whatever he saw, Jared settled in. “Okay, storytime. Your first hurdle, as you just saw, happened as soon as you hit the water. Terry said it’s called ‘cold shock response’. The body is forced to gasp even if underwater. Terry also said it was really impressive how quickly you moved past it.” 

They watched her enter the water repeatedly. Only the first time had resulted in her looking as if she’d never swum in her life. Despite understanding why it had happened, and even having first hand memory of it, it was embarrassing to watch.

“This is the last take yeah? Jared asked. “This is when it started to go wrong. There was a wetsuit that was in the wardrobe department from some previous stunt. They put you in it, and that was the suit you wore the rest of the day. But that suit was thinner, designed for water about sixty degrees. The water we were in was a little under fifty. None of the divers, or Tony, or anyone knew that you were wearing an inadequate suit.” 

“Wait. I should have noticed that it was wrong. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve worn a wetsuit.”

Jared sighed. “One theory is that you were getting a little discombobulated even that early in the day. Terry and Paul questioned everybody that was in the tent when you put it on. Amber admitted that she heard you mumbling about murder and crows, but thought you were running lines in your head.”

Shay dragged her hands down her face. “No, I wasn’t running lines. I remember that. I was standing there like a zombie while they flapped around me, getting me reset to do the shot  _ again _ . And I remember thinking that because they were all wearing black that day that they looked like a flock of crows circling. Except a group of crows isn’t called a flock, it’s-”

“It’s called a murder.” Jared finished the sentence for her.

“Exactly. It wasn’t exactly a kind thought,” Shay looked at him sheepishly.

“Trust me, I’ve had worse,” he reassured her. “So do you actually remember that suit at all?”

“Not really. I remember those takes, but looking back, they all kind of bleed together. Nothing really unusual, just like how I feel after a really long day of filming.”

“Except you were at the beginning. This bit of footage of you swimming out to the end of the dock took nearly four hours. And then you did the dive down under the water. By the way, Tony told me that day that the way you move through the water is a thing of beauty. And that’s a direct quote.”

He fast forwarded through the many takes of her diving underwater. “Um, after this you had a little bit of a break. You were up on the boat, I think, getting something to eat.”

“Soup. I remember having soup.”

“I’m glad you remember that part, because I wasn’t really paying attention at that point. That’s when I was getting suited up and trying to get in the water. Honest to God, getting in was painful. By the time I made it as far as my knees, I wanted to just go jump off the dock to get it over with, but they were worried it might force me into a cold shock response as well. I totally believe it. I have no idea how you managed to get dry and then go back in over and over.” He paused, taking a sip of his drink.

“Once I was in, we got to work on the rescue scene. That is one hell of a kick you’ve got. I know we had a tow line, but I could feel you pulling me through the water.”

“Wait, that sounds - did you say something like that to me then?”

“I did. You remember?”

“No, I don’t think I did. But when I heard you say it, it just clicked. I feel like all those memories are there, just out of reach.” Shay gave her head a small shake. “Keep going. Please.” 

She glanced over at the screen which Jared had paused after she had completed all her dives. She pressed play again, watching the action that matched his words.

“There you are towing me in. You had to do that so many times. They wanted to get it from the back, to get the fighting in the background, from the front to see us, close ups on our faces, your arms, your legs. We should have today’s shooting first, so they would have known we didn’t need all of that out in the freezing cold. We were shooting that scene for almost three hours.

As it went on, I could tell you were getting tired. At first between takes we were just goofing around. And since I was wearing a floatation suit, and I would sort of give you a hand to hold you up. After a while I started holding you against me. It let you rest more, and we were able to share some body heat that way too. By the end you were so cold and so tired. You just curled up against me. I think you might have even fallen asleep on my shoulder.”

“You were holding me?” Watching the screen, she hoped that they had left the camera running between takes, but no luck. The action cut to black, and the next video had a timestamp several minutes later. She worried the inside of her lip with her teeth. “That must have looked odd.”

“Not really. I have some pictures if you’d like to see.” Jared pulled his cell phone out. The picture he showed her was not of him holding her. It was him standing in water up to mid-thigh with a pained look on his face. She was in the background standing on a boat, a silver blanket wrapped around her, with a bemused smile on her face. Swiping, the next picture was the same except the focus had been shifted to her, and Jared appeared slightly out of focus in the foreground. The next was a video of Jared trying to force himself into waist deep water, cursing a blue streak. She heard Jensen’s giggle and then the guys began trading insults.

“Sorry, I don’t think I realized how crude that was.”

“Not the first time I’ve heard guys being crude. So Jensen took these?”

“Yeah. Those aren’t really the ones I wanted to show you, but I thought maybe they’d help. Let’s see. No, that’s not it either, although it is a pretty awesome picture.” 

He turned the phone back to her and she saw an action shot of her swimming with Jared in tow. His face was slack, pretending to be unconscious, but the focus was really on her. It had been taken at the perfect time, when her kick had her as high up out of the water as she could be, her arm striking out for the next stroke. Her face was determined and although it might have had slightly less color than normal, the flush of exertion still rode high on her cheeks.

“That is awesome. I think I might want a copy of that.”

“I’ll get you one. Here, this is where it started, me holding you up.”

The picture was the two of them, just head and neck out of the water. She saw her hand on his shoulder and guessed that his arm was supporting her around her back as well. They looked as if they were mid-conversation, just waiting for work to resume. He swiped to the next picture.

“And this one was a little bit later, after you started shivering.” The picture showed him directly behind her, their bodies close enough to share a bit of warmth , and her head was turned slightly and she was smiling as if whatever he was saying was amusing. In the next they were both looking directly toward the camera. An echo of her previous smile remained on her face, but Jared’s looked like pure mischief. He swiped again and in this one she had turned back enough to look Jared full in the face, one eyebrow arched in a sardonic look. In turn he had his head thrown back in laughter. 

“What were we talking about?”

“Jensen. I was telling you that it was going to drive him insane with jealousy that I got to have my arms around you. But then you responded that he was probably taking pictures to threaten me with next time I acted up on set.”

Shay huffed a laugh. “That does sound more likely.”

“I don’t think so. Here, this is the one I wanted you to see.”

This picture was different than the others. Jared looked strong and protective, one hand splayed wide enough to reach both of her shoulder blades. She lay limp, her body draped over his larger frame. Her head was supported by one of his broad shoulders, her face was toward the camera, lips pale and eyes glassy. Jared swiped to the next picture, identical except that in this one her eyes were closed altogether. Seeing herself so vulnerable with no memory for context was unbelievably unsettling.

“These were taken just a few minutes before we called it for the day. Jensen actually took these and then went to Tony arguing that you needed to come out of the water. He knew, before anyone else, that something was wrong. I should have, but I was just focusing on getting the work done...”

“It’s okay Jared. Just tell me what happened next.”

“After this we went to shoot the resurfacing shot. Just like we did it today. We went underwater with two divers each. One to keep us in position, and the other to feed us from their oxygen tanks.Then they put your hand on my collar and were going to push us up to make sure you broke the surface first.” 

“That’s when something went wrong. I don’t know what exactly, but I think you got confused and started trying to fight off your divers, going for the surface instead. Here, we may actually get to see it.” He fast forwarded the dvd until he found the part he wanted. They watched themselves and four divers disappear below the surface of the lake. Although the seconds were being counted at the bottom of the screen, the moment seemed to last forever. Then the water was roiling, and Shay surfaced thrashing about. She watched horrified as her image on the screen coughed up large quantities of lake water. The divers and Jared reappeared, and converged on her.

“You were talking, but it was pretty clear you were confused. Kind of like someone who’s been heavily medicated. They took your temperature and it came back low. Ninety five something I think.”

“So that’s when we got out.”

“Yeah, that’s when we got out. It felt like it took forever. And once I got far enough in to stand up, I was surprised by how uncomfortable it was on my feet. And I had shoes on.” He gave her a sympathetic smile.

“Was I not able to walk?”

“You were barely conscious. I remember looking up right after I got my feet under me and seeing Jensen standing at the edge of the water, looking like he was waiting for the gun to go off at the beginning of a race. You slipped, just a tiny little bit, and that was it. He couldn’t take it anymore. He actually waded out into the water to get you out.”

“I don’t remember any of this.” Shay shook her head disbeliving.

“It’s true. He walked in to mid-thigh without so much as flinching at the cold. Scooped you up and carried you out of the water and over into the tent. Seemed like everybody was trying to get in there to get a look at you, but Paul cleared them all out. Everybody except those of us who had been in the water and Barb. Well, and Jay, because he was holding you. I know he was talking to you, trying to bring you around. I really wish I could’ve heard what he was saying to you, and what you said when you woke up. The look on his face was so intense.”

“Probably stuff like, come on Shay, wake up.” She tried to sound casual and failed utterly. “But I get what you’re saying. It sounds like a tense situation all around.”

“It was. Terry was cutting the clothes and the wetsuit off of you. That was when he realized it wasn’t the right thickness. He was livid. I thought Barbara was going to kick him out for a minute. But he let Megan go and started cutting again.

“Megan?”

He nodded. “She had come in with dry clothes for us, and he accused her of endangering you by putting you in the wrong suit.”

“What, on purpose?” Shay shook her head, “I just can’t see it.”

Jared rubbed his hand over her back in soothing circles. After a minute he continued the story.

“Barbara asked you a lot of questions, trying to determine how cognizant you were. I was dressed by then, and able to come closer to hear what was happening. You did okay until she asked you for the date.

Shay snorted and looked up at him with a smile. “That’s not a surprise. I almost never know the date. If I’m lucky, I can tell you what day of the week it is.”

“Well, it worried Barb some. Eventually Terry said he was ready to pull the wetsuit off, and Barb consented for you to be moved enough for us to get you out of it.”

“Us?”

“Yeah, I was still there. I was actually the one that got the robe around you as soon as they pulled you up. It wasn’t exactly a smooth operation, but I promise Shay, we had you covered back up in less than a minute.”

She felt him rubbing circles on her back again, probably afraid that she was going to react badly to hearing about her own nudity. But she had been surfing since she was a kid, and understood the difficulty of getting out of a wetsuit in public. She was also familiar with the risks of cold water and had far larger concerns.

“Did Barbara say anything about my heart?”

“She did yeah, but not until after we had you in that robe, and you were bundled up on my lap.”

When her eyes raised to meet his, he shrugged. “I’m always a hot sweaty mess anyway, so it made sense. And besides, Jensen was still soaked from having you on his lap up until that point. And that was one of those big reveal moments for me, Shay. He was still wet, but he couldn’t leave. Not even to put on dry clothes of his own. I had to ask everyone to clear the tent so he could change where he could see you. Once he had dry clothes on, I could actually see how bad he wanted to take you back from me. The tension was in every line of his body. If Barbara hadn’t just used the words heart attack, I think he might have just snatched you back anyway.

It got even worse for him when you started warming back up. You started going through the shakes again. Then you started moaning, and when he tried to take your hand it was obvious that it hurt you. I thought he was gonna pull his hair out. It really did remind me of when that Gen was in labor. The noises you were making, and that feeling of being there, but not being able to do a damn thing to help.”

“Lovely.” Her tone was dry as dust. She laced her fingers together, fighting the feeling that they could start shaking at any moment.

Jared laughed. “Anyway, once you had warmed up enough, Barbara said we could move you. Jensen made sure that when we got in the car, he got to hold you all the way home. 

That’s the other thing Shay. When Barb was examining you, she threatened to take you to the hospital. But instead of arguing with her, you looked to Jensen for help. And he promised he was gonna take you home. It didn't make sense until I realized that by home he meant here with him.”

“Well this is his home.” She shrugged a shoulder. “You just didn’t know I was a houseguest at the time.”

“I don’t think so, Shay. The way he was looking at you,” Jared shook his head. “He called you baby. And he kissed you.”

“He kissed me.” She fought to keep her voice disbelieving instead of hysterical.

“Here.” His finger slid across her eyebrow. “And pressed his cheek here,” he ran the same finger higher on her forehead, “And buried his face in your hair a half a dozen times. It was like he just couldn’t stop touching you.”

Jared sat for a moment looking at her.

“There’s been so many signs this week. But even before then I think I knew. His eyes light up when he gets a message from you. His voice changes when he’s talking to you on the phone. Truth is, I think he’s been gone on you for awhile.” Jared’s words chipped away at her, creating one crack after another.

“No.” She squeezed her hands together. Hard. “He can’t be. It’s too soon. And he should have someone better. Whole.” 

“Shay don’t you see? You make  _ him _ better. Whole again. I wish…. How many more filming days do you have?”

“Two.” She looked at him, confused by the sudden shift in topic. “Why do you ask?”

“Tomorrow is Jensen’s birthday. Daneel always did big parties for him, so Gen and I have set up something at the bar this weekend. I really wish you could be there.” 

“Probably not a good idea.”

“Us throwing him a party?”

“No,” she laughed quietly. “I think it’s great that you’re having a party. Carrying on a tradition. Although I should warn you, there’s this thing about bereaved people. Whenever there’s a holiday or big life event, they look around wanting to share it with the person they lost, and then it hits them that they’re not there. That they’ll never be there again. It’s called empty chair syndrome.”

“Shit. Should we cancel?”

“No, not at all. The party shows how many people he still has that care about him. It’s just- if he gets quiet or a little sad, don’t take it personally. He’s not regretting the party, he’s just missing her.”

“See this is why we need you there.” He took hold of her hands.

“But it’s not why you asked me.” She gave his hand a squeeze before sliding her own free. “You’re thinking I can fill the empty chair. But that’s not how it works. I can’t be her, or what she was to him. If I tried, he’d wind up hating me for it.” Shay bit down on her tongue before she said anymore. 

“Shay, did something-?”

She passed a shaky hand over her face before fisting it at her lips. “I’ll be filming my last scenes Saturday. And then I’ll go home. And that will be that.”

Reaching back for his hand, she gave it another squeeze. “I had no idea how big of a part you played in helping me. Thank you for that. And I appreciate you coming over here to tell me about what happened at the lake. But I think I’ve taken in as much as I can for one day.” She stood and he followed her lead. 

After she had closed the door behind him, she turned and pressed her back to it. She lost track of time as she stood there, thinking over the many things Jared had revealed and allowing herself the reactions she had struggled to conceal earlier. When she became aware of time again, she was sitting on the floor, her eyes tender from crying. She made her way to the bathroom to perform her nightly skin care routine, and changed into some pajamas. Going to the kitchen she found an ice pack and a towel, and laid on the couch, the cold pack across her eyes. She had drifted off when the muffled sound of her phone ringing in her bag came from the table by the door. Finding her way to it and digging it out, she saw an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Shay?

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“Hi, it’s Brent.”

Her heart sank in her chest. “Oh, hey Brent, how are you?”

“Did you get my flowers?”

“Your - yes, yes I did.” She returned to the living room and sat heavily, staring at the flowers.

“So, will you go to dinner with me tomorrow night?”

“Dinner. Uh, tomorrow is my wrap party.”

“Oh. Well maybe we could have a drink or something after.”

Realizing that this guy had done a very nice thing for her and that she may have sounded ungrateful, she softened her voice. “Yeah, we can do that. And thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful.” 

“Awesome. I’ll see you then.”


	12. March 1, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's official birthday and Shay's unofficial wrap party.

Groaning Jensen dragged his hands over his face. He had definitely stayed up far too late watching the fire, thinking over what his parents had said. His thoughts had gone round and round without ever really coming to any conclusion. He shuffled into the bathroom and splashed water on his face. He stared dead eyed into the mirror before blocking out the sight with a towel. Pressing it hard against the tears he felt forming he growled, “Christ Dani, I wish you were here.”

Twenty minutes later, showered, dressed and composed again he ventured out to find his family in the kitchen.

“Happy Birthday Daddy! Happy Birthday Daddy! We have a surprise for you, it’s a birthday breakfast!”

“Oh, wow are those pancakes I smell?” 

“Chocolate chip pancakes!” JJ squealed. 

“Even better!” He poured himself a cup of coffee, and gave his dad a pat on the shoulder. “And bacon too? This is gonna be the best breakfast ever!”

“It’s ‘cause it’s your birthday! I got you a present too, you wanna see?”

“Of course I do.” He scooped her up before she could run out of the room. “But you know what the best present is? It’s that I get to spend the day with you.”

*****

“You look like you’re cursing the sky for giving us bad weather.” Shay turned to see Sam approaching as they waited under the white tent before filming for the day.

“I shouldn’t, I know.” As depressing as Shay found the gray clouds, she knew better than to complain. Drizzle rarely ‘read’ on film so it wasn’t a disruption to their work timeline. Also, complete cloud cover meant it was impossible to tell the time of day and they could shoot as soon as possible. 

“Eh, it’s hard to fly up from sunshine and 75 to this.”

“And you do it all the time, don’t you?” Shay smiled at the older actress.

Sam nodded, “I do. Sometimes I’m only in for the day.”

“That’s a lot to acclimate.” Not to mention a long ass day with travel time factored in.

“You should have been here two weeks ago. David and I were outside shooting in a foot of snow, and for some reason our costumes didn’t even include coats.”

“I think we both had about six layers on.” A man’s voice came from behind her.

Shay turned, surprised to see the actor who portrayed the British Men of Letters gunman, never having heard him speak in his natural American accent.

“Of course I heard you had your own cold story a few days ago,” he continued.

“Oh yeah. Went to work like any other day, came home like a Shay-sickle.” She grinned, amused by her own joke.

“Heard you worked through it like a champ.”

“Thanks. I don’t think we’ve actually been introduced. I’m Shay.” She held her hand out for him to shake.

“David.” Dropping into a crisp British accent, he brought her hand up as if to kiss it. “Mr. Ketch at your disposal madam.”

Shay struggled for an accent she had used years ago for a period film. “Very kind. Although I fear Mr Ketch, the disposal will be mine.”

David smiled, “Not bad. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s wild to me that I’m wrapping tomorrow and I’m still just meeting people.”

“Just the nature of the beast. Sam’ll tell you. She’s been here for years and still hasn’t met everyone.”

“True. And half the ones I do know I’ve met outside of set, like at parties or conventions.”

“Well, there’s a sort of unofficial wrap party arranged for tonight. I’d love it if you all can make it.”

Sam gave her shoulders an affectionate squeeze. “Wouldn’t miss it. Guest stars deserve some love too.”

*****

“It’s like WHAM! I had just managed to get my feet under me, and I get sideswiped. Again. I mean, I know they deserve to live their own life, and that all of this is my responsibility, but I don’t know what I’m gonna do Brian. I really don’t.” Jensen knew he sounded manic. He was talking too fast and moving too much. “It’s like one thing on top of the other, pushing me down and the weight right here,” he slapped himself on the chest,”it’s like….”

“Like what?” Brian asked.

“Like I can’t catch my breath. It’s stupid. The answer is obvious right? I don’t  _ have _ to keep working. I’m good financially.”

“Financials aren’t the only concern here Jensen.”

“You think I don’t know that? I was up half the night thinking about this shit. I have no idea how to go from being a long distance, part time dad to a full blown stay at home single parent. I don’t know how people do it. I know I  _ should _ , but I just can’t see it and it’s making me crazy.”

“Single parent doesn’t need to mean stay at home. You must know other working parents.”

“Working parents, sure. But single working parents? Not in the industry. Not with the travel and …” he stilled, losing himself in thought.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. I thought of someone, but the work schedule, the travel demands don’t even compare.”

“And yet that’s the first time you’ve stopped pacing since you came in today. So it must have had some significance.”

“I was just thinking that Shay was able to come up to Vancouver. It’s not the same, but…” he trailed off.

“But it gives you someone you could talk to at least, get a feel for how she does it.”

“Yeah, I don’t know about that Brian.” He sat heavily on the couch. “Not sure I’m gonna be talking to her much anymore.”

“I got the impression that you all talked pretty much daily.”

“Yeah,” he chafed his hands, “We did. And now we don’t.”

“What changed? The kiss?”

He struggled to stay sitting. “No. She doesn’t even remember that night. But I was so pissed off the next day, and she wouldn’t talk to me. Hell, she could barely even fucking  _ look _ at me.

“What do you mean she doesn’t remember?”

“Some short term amnesia thing. A side effect of the hypothermia.”

“That sounds quite a bit worse than what I had imagined.”

“It was. I promise you, whatever you imagined it was worse. There was a minute right after she came out of the water, I was holding her and I thought she had stopped breathing. I had her right in my goddamed arms and I still felt so fucking useless.” He paused his breathing ragged. “But then she opened her eyes and she  _ knew _ me, and I don’t know, it just felt like she was….mine.”

He dropped his face into his hands. 

“But she’s not.” He spoke through his hands. “Dani was mine. And I …”

“Jensen. It’s okay. You haven’t done anything wrong. I said this was something we should talk about when we spoke on the phone, but so much else came up today we haven’t really touched on it. And I think we should.” Brian glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned slightly. “But since we’re running low on time today, I want to touch back on the overwhelm you were talking about earlier. So the first good thing I want you to remember is that nothing has to be solved today. You still have time to explore your options and decide what is best for you and your daughter.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Does that mean there’s a second piece of good news?”

“It does. Suddenly becoming overwhelmed by a number of responsibilities, having to make a lot of big decisions is very common for people working their way through the stages of grief. It’s usually called re-entry trouble.”

“I’m sorry man, I’m not sure how that’s supposed to be good news.”

“It usually happens when you’ve processed the bulk of your grief. That’s not to say that you won’t continue to experience some of those more negative feelings, but they probably won’t have the same intensity as they did before.”

“So you’re saying I’m getting better.”

“In a way. But grief isn’t an illness. It’s a reaction to the loss of something you love. Since you’ll always love Daneel, you’ll always have some grief that she isn’t here. But what I’m saying is that from here on out, things become less about her death and more about how you carry on with your life.”

****

Shay double checked the address Jason had given her. This was it. The dark glass office building gave no clue to what lay inside. Following the directions he had texted led Shay to a control room where Jason sat playing a guitar. She knocked and was greeted with a big smile as he hurried to let her in.

“Hey, I am so glad you came. And we have more time than I thought we would.”

“Well, we wrapped earlier than expected. So what is this super secret project, and how can I help?”

“So, the project is a birthday present for Jensen. Did you know today’s his birthday?”

“Jared mentioned it. Told me about the party in Austin.”

“Yeah, I’m flying down tomorrow with Brianna. Have you met her yet?” When Shay shook her head he assured, “You will, she’ll be here soon. We’re going to do some live music at the party, but I’ve also been working on putting together an album for him.” He paused studying her.

“I’m not sure I like that look,” she laughed even as she regarded him with suspicion. “But I’m intrigued enough that I’ll ask. What kind of album are you making, and why did you have me meet you at a recording studio?”

“Because ever since I heard you at Jay’s place the other night I just knew I had to have you in on this.”

“You want me to sing? Like solo?” 

“If you’re up for it. I’d happily take that lullaby you sang to us. But I also have some other ideas that fit a little better with the album’s theme.”

“Theme,” her reluctance was outweighed as a sense of inevitability draped around her.

“Yeah. It’s a little bit about love and loss, but more about support. I want him to know how many people still have his back.”

She closed her eyes. “When you put it like that - you make it kinda impossible to even want to say no.” She inhaled deeply and tried to blow out the fear she felt building in her chest. “Jason, this is- an amazing gift, and I am so totally in.” 

*****

Jensen smiled at his daughter. Her little face pinched in determination, she made her way across the kitchen carrying a cake platter larger than her own head. His dad kept pace with her, ready in case she stumbled, but she was doing it. He reached out when she got close and lifted the cake up to the table he sat at. 

“Did you decorate this?” He gazed at the cake, while JJ climbed up onto his lap. It was a mess of candy letters, sprinkles, and globs of multi-colored icing.

“Yep,” she grinned proudly. “Nana helped. She gave me all the letters. See? It says Happy Birthday Daddy.”

He looked again. It was probably all the letters to form those words, but he hadn’t noticed since JJ had put them wherever she liked on the cake.

“Well it looks delicious. I say we dive into this thing.” He leaned forward as if he was going to plant his face right in the cake.

“No! Daddy stop! You have to have candles and make a wish first!” JJ wailed.

“Oh, well okay then.” He waited while his mom brought over some candles and began lighting them.

“What are you going to wish for, Daddy?”

“I can’t tell you! If I do it won’t come true, those are the rules,” he chided. In reality he had no idea what to wish for. The only wish he had could never come true, no matter how many birthday candles he blew out. JJ squirmed on his lap.

“Daddy, can I help you blow out the candles?”

“Oh yeah, I’m gonna need help with all those candles.” He looked down at her adoring face, and suddenly he knew exactly what to wish for. Holding his daughter tight, he leaned forward and wished ‘I want her to be happy’.

Once the lights were back on, his dad stood saying, “Hey JJ, why don’t you give your dad his presents while I cut this cake and get some ice cream?”

JJ scampered off and returned with two presents. Climbing back onto his lap, she thrust the smaller one into his hands. “Open this one first, it’s from me.”

He unwrapped what was clearly a movie case and chuckled when he saw the title. “Wow! Moana? Are you sure this is for me?” he snuck a look at his mom who smiled and shrugged helplessly.

“Yeah! Daddy it is  _ so _ good. You are really gonna like it. There are  _ some _ scary parts, but not  _ too _ many.”

“Oh so you’ve already seen it, huh?”

“Yeah,” she said in a duh tone, “Aunt Kenzie took me to see it in the theater a long time ago. Now, open the one from Nana and Poppy.”

“Mom, you didn’t have to get me anything. After all you all have done-”

His mother reached over and took his hand. “You’re still my baby boy, and I can get you a birthday present if I want to.” She squeezed his hand tighter. “I hope it’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay.” Confused by the distress on her face, he pulled the paper off of the package to reveal a photo album. Opening it carefully, he saw pictures of himself and Daneel from the movie Ten Inch Hero. “Look honey,” he said to JJ, “this right here is when I knew your Mommy was the girl I wanted to marry.”

“Yeah,” JJ’s voice was dreamy as she ran her finger over Daneel’s face in the picture. “Wait, where are you?” He pointed to himself, with his fauxhawk and his fake piercings. “That’s you? Daddy you look funny!” she exclaimed. 

“Yeah, I sure did. It was like playing dress up everyday that summer.” He turned the page and told JJ stories that accompanied the photographs his mom had collected. More than once he found himself blinking back tears. Looking over, he saw his mother dabbing her eyes.

“I thought I had looked at those enough that I wouldn’t do this,” she apologized, “but hearing you tell the stories-” she broke off swallowing hard.

He stood, hefting JJ onto one hip and gathered his mom in for a hug with his other arm. “It’s perfect. Thank you, Mom, for everything.” He stood there a moment longer before JJ, with the impatience of, well a five year old, began to bounce on his hip.

“Daddy, I want cake and ice cream. And then can we watch your movie? Please?”

Chuckling, he lowered her into a chair and ran his fingers through her curls. “You got it Jaybird.”

*****

Shay smiled to herself and let her head fall back on the leather headrest. The wrap party had been fun. It had been small, seeing as it was just for her, and only a dozen of the cast and crew had been able to attend, but she didn’t mind. She’d had a chance to laugh with Sam and Amber, been toasted by some of the crew, and even had the promised extra drink with Brent. She didn’t feel anything special for him, but his adrenaline junky ways meant he had some fantastic stories to tell. At the end of the night, he had offered to drive her home in his flashy sports car.

“Thank you for the ride.” Shay said as they pulled up to the front of her building. She adjusted her legs in the bucket seat and realized there was no graceful way to exit the car. Just then her door swung open and the hand of the valet appeared. “Oh thank you,” she sighed in relief. Even with the help, she still felt clumsy, as the seats in the low riding car seemed to sit below the door opening. By the time she had her feet under her again, Brent was already circling the car, handing the key and a bill over to the valet.

“Oh, no you don’t need to do that,” she protested.

He put an arm around her waist and pulled her close enough to lean and whisper in her ear. “Shay, let me walk you to your door.”

She was trying to formulate a polite way to say no when he grasped the back of her head and pulled her in tight for a kiss. Adrenaline spiked and her heart raced, but it wasn't pleasure. Pushing against his chest she managed to get a few inches of room.

“Brent, this  _ is _ my door.” When he continued to hold her in place, she said clearly, “I need you to step back.” He did, although not nearly enough for her comfort. He looked at her, his eyes searching.

“Really? I thought-”

Sliding back another foot or so, Shay nodded. “Yeah, really. Thank you for the ride, Brent. Goodnight.” Not waiting for his reply, she slipped inside and began striding for the elevators. 

Only when the elevator doors slid shut did she allow herself to sag against the elevator wall. God, she didn’t want this. She had been happy, pleased with the evening and now all those good feelings had vanished. Exiting the elevator, she pulled out her key and tried to steady her shaking hand enough to get the door open. Once inside she went to the couch, kicking off her shoes and dropping her coat and bag on the floor. She grabbed a pillow to wrap herself around and spied one of Jay’s sweatshirts wedged between the cushions. Pulling it free she stared at it forlornly for a moment. Giving in, she brought the fabric to her face, inhaling deeply. Laying her head on the pillow she curled into a ball around the sweatshirt and waited for sleep to take her. 


	13. March 2, 2017

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shay spends her last day in Vancouver dealing with a public relations mess, while Jensen questions the future and is overwhelmed by the birthday party put on by the Padaleckis'.

Shay stepped out of Lexi’s car and craned her neck side to side. This was Lexi’s final shot and she had wanted to give it her all, but truth be told it would probably only result in about ten seconds of used film, and she was ready to move on. After this they would film the scene where Lexi and Sam used separate maps to locate the vampires. The crew had tricked out an old gas station to look like it was still operating, and once she had finished that scene she would finally be able to go home. 

Stepping into the tent, she headed for her chair wanting nothing more than to down at least half a bottle of water. She noticed Tish giving her an odd look as she walked by. 

“By the way,” the younger woman called out to her, “your phone was going off like crazy.”

Checking it she saw multiple calls from her mom, her best friend, and her publicist Amanda. The third was concerning. Amanda was usually incredibly efficient. Multiple calls were a sign of trouble.

Calling the number back she chewed on the inside of her lip nervously.

“Amanda Pine’s office, how may I help you?”

She paused for a moment, not recognizing the young male voice on the phone. “This is Shay Martin. Amanda’s been trying to reach me.”

“Oh she sure has honey. She needs to know how you want to respond to the Us Weekly spread on your Supernatural hat trick.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Did you not get the text? I sent you the link over an hour ago.”

“I- I don’t keep my phone on me while I’m working. It’s a distraction. What did you mean about a Supernatural hat trick? Coming back on the show for a third time? Because they haven’t even made any offers.”

“Oh no honey, they got pictures of you taking all three of the male leads from the show in and out of your apartment. It’s all circumstantial of course, but it looks pretty damning.”

Her mouth opened and closed silently as she tried to comprehend what he was saying.

“Ms. Martin are you still there?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m here, I’m just confused. Look, I’ll look at the link you sent, but I can tell you right now, there’s no shady romances going on.”

“Of course not, hon. Although the third one does show you pretty clearly kissing, what does it say? Misha? Is that even a man’s name?”

“It is. But I didn’t, you know what, just have Amanda call me back when she’s available.”

Shay hung up without giving the young man time to respond. Opening her texts she found multiple messages from the publicist, each containing a link. She opened the first one bracing against whatever was coming. Just as the assistant had said, there was a collection of pictures with the title Shay’s Supernatural Hat-Trick. The image couldn’t be enlarged enough to see the pictures well, but it was clear at least two of them were her with her co-stars. The third was much darker, all but impossible to determine the identity of the people kissing. Okay, so far it wasn’t too bad. After talking to the assistant she had feared a true two page spread. This looked to take up no more than half a page, and upon first inspection the pictures seemed pretty benign as well. 

Clicking through to the next text she studied the pictures in greater detail. The first showed Jensen leading her out of the apartment building. He held both their coats in one arm, the other behind her back. She recognized the outfit she had worn the day after the migraine. She knew the look on his face was concern for her health, but it would be easy to mistake it for tenderness. The second was at the front desk in the lobby. Jared aimed a cheeky look at her and she was grinning at his playfulness. She opened the last text and her hopes plummeted.

The last picture was from the night before. And suddenly it wasn’t nearly dark enough. Because it was clearly her mid-kiss. It was  _ not _ Misha, and she doubted the picture would fool many. But the angle and shadows hid Brent’s face well enough for the magazine’s purposes. Which of course was to insinuate and throw suspicion on the two other much clearer and much more innocent photographs. 

Tish popped her head back in the tent. “Hey, your ride is here.”

“Thanks.” She followed Tish into a van and saw Kelly and one of the lighting guys already inside. There was an awkward silence as they pulled out of the lot. 

“Kelly,” Shay began hesitantly, “how long have you worked with the show?”

“Since the beginning. Gary and I here go back to day one.”

“And in all that time, have there been any issues, scandals around the show?”

“Well sure. The biggest one is the fans ready to fight to the death over whether Destiel is real or not.”

“I can’t for the life of me figure out why so many women get all het up about two men together,” Gary added with a little shudder.

Shay forced a chuckle. “What about in the real world? Tabloids bother anyone who works on the show?”

“Oh we’re too small a show for anything like that,” Kelly protested. “Although the first few weeks after Daneel passed, Jensen did get some extra publicity. He hated that. And there was one time Jared went swimming in Brazil and wound up in a few of the gossip mags. Don’t think he minded much since they were all about how good he looked in a swimsuit.” She laughed heartily, wiping moisture from the corner of her eyes. “Why do you ask sweetheart? You look troubled.”

“I am.” She caught Tish staring at her again. “You already saw it didn’t you?”

The younger woman nodded. “I have an app on my phone that lets me know when the show comes up on the hollywood news sites.”

“News,” Shay scoffed, “slander and defamation under the guise of entertainment. Not a word of it true, and not a damn thing I can do about it.”

“What are you all talking about?” Kelly asked even as Shay’s phone rang again.

“Go ahead and show them,” Shay told Tish, “ I have to take this.”

“Amanda.”

“Shay,” her publicist’s voice packed worry and relief into that one word. “I've been trying to reach you.”

“Yeah, I got that. By the way, your new assistant? Not my favorite person right now. Maybe get him a phone etiquette manual or something.” She pressed two fingers between her brows. “I don’t get it. It looks like the building was under surveillance. I mean, what the hell? Was there a steakout?”

“Unfortunately yes. The new Marvel movie started filming in Vancouver about two weeks ago, and apparently the lead is staying in the same building. They were trying to get him or his wife and got you instead.”

“Great, I  _ love _ being used for target practice when Ryan Renolds isn’t available.”

“Well whether they were aiming for you or not, they sure as hell got you. Three guys, Shay? In a week? You trying to make up for lost time?”

“It’s the door to a building Amanda, not my bedroom. And considering you’re the person I’m trusting to fix this, I’d rather not hear those kinds of jokes right now.”

“Woah! Simmer down girl, you usually have a better sense of humor about these things.”

“These are good people Mandy. They’ve done this twelve years without any of this shit. I’ve been here a week and now they’re all gonna have to explain to their kids what a hat-trick is.”

“Well, at least there is a non-sexual definition. I take it you’re going to want to put out a response?”

“Yeah." She sighed heavily. "Something along the lines of ‘Everyone from Supernatural has been nothing but kind and respectful from the moment I arrived. I sincerely regret that these photos have been misconstrued and any distress it may have caused my coworkers and their loved ones.”

“Okay, that’s good. Now you know I have to play devil’s advocate.”

Shay sighed again.“Do you really?” She was well aware that everyone in the van was listening and could hear both sides of the conversation.

“You know it makes me better at my job.”

“All right, fine. Advocate away you she-devil.”

“There’s the sassy girl I know,” encouraged Amanda. “Okay, so this first one with Jensen you were leaving the building with him at 8:30 in the morning. That pretty much screams overnight.”

“Jesus, they’re time stamped? Nevermind it doesn’t matter. That building has both short and long term rentals. Jensen lives there. We shared a ride to work whenever our schedules synched up. Go eco-warriors and all that stuff.”

“Gotcha, one down two to go. It kinda looks like Jared just gave you a big bouquet of flowers and you two are making cutesy faces.”

“Ah, I had just received flowers, and Jared was teasing me about who might have sent them.”

“And who might that have been?”

“Honestly? The card wasn’t signed. It’s a bit of a mystery.”

“Really?”

“Really, really.”

“Okay, hardest one for last. How exactly is this kiss  _ misconstrued _ ?”

“Well for starters, it’s not Misha.”

“And how am I supposed to sell that?”

“As the truth?” At Amanda’s derisive snort she continued, “ No honestly, it doesn’t even look like him. Even without the face you can tell. Misha is a hard core runner. Long and lean. This guy is bulkier. The shoulder to hip ratio would be way off.”

“The way your mind works confounds me.” Amanda chuckled into the phone, “shoulder to hip ratio. So who’s the guy?”

“He’s… a guy who missed some key signals, and decided to go the whole 100.”

“Oooh, no, does he not know he’s only supposed to go 90? You never go the whole 100! Overeager son of a-”

“Yeah. Exactly.” Shay smiled, grateful that Amanda was a long time friend as well as her publicist, and that she recognized her Hitch reference even a decade later.

“All right girl, I gotcha covered. We’ll put out the statement ASAP. You want me to run social media on it as well?”

“Nah, I’ll do it in a bit. If I know Misha, he’ll help me turn it into something funny. Just let me know if anything else comes up.”

“Are you expecting anything else to come up?”

“No, but I wasn’t expecting this either.”

“True. When are you coming home?”

“Later today. Perfect timing to do a walk of shame at the airport, right?”

“Head up girlfriend. And call me next week. We’ll do lunch.”

*****

Jensen jogged through the house to the front door. Opening it he saw Jared standing on the front step. He opened the door farther and ushered his friend in.

“Hey, I thought you weren’t comin’ by until later.”

“I wasn’t, but I couldn’t get you on your phone, and I just thought I’d, uh, come by and make sure you’re okay.”

Jensen cocked his head in suspicion. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Oh, uh, I dunno, you just usually answer your phone is all.”

“Jared,” he warned. His friend was a great actor, but unless he had a prepared line, he was a crap liar. And he was lying right now. “You know I’m gonna find out, so you might as well tell me.

“It’s just, some tabloid photographer got some pictures of Shay in your building’s lobby. One with you, one with me, and one with somebody they tried to say was Misha. They tried to make it look like she had something going on with each of us, but it was pretty lame. Have you really not looked at your phone today?”

“Huh, no I haven’t.” He pulled it out of his pocket. “Oh yeah, I shut it down last night because all the incoming messages were distracting. JJ and I were watching a movie. I guess I never turned it back on.” He pushed the button to power it on. After it connected it began a series of unrelenting pings. “Okay, it  _ actually _ sounds like it’s gonna blow up.” He looked up at Jared again. “How big is this thing?”

Jared ran a hand through the back of his hair, “It’s running tomorrow in Us Weekly.”

“What!” Jensen thundered before he turned on his heel and marched into his office. He fired up his computer and brought up the online version of the gossip magazine. Two scrolls down and he was staring at a photo that didn’t exist. The original photo had been taken a few weeks earlier when all three of the men had posed with Katherine Newton, the regular guest star who played Claire Novak. The magazine had manipulated Shay’s face on top of Katherine’s so seamlessly that if he hadn’t been in it, he might have been fooled as well. 

He opened the article, scanning the text before he allowed himself to look at the photos. He noticed the magazine avoided stating outright that there were any sexual liaisons, instead using phrases like ‘looking cozy’ and ‘visiting her home’. He snorted in disgust. This was exactly why he and Daneel had decided to settle in Austin, distancing themselves and their children from the darker side of Hollywood. Finished reading, he turned to the photos. 

Okay, looking at this he could  _ almost _ see why Clif had thought there had been more between Shay and himself. Although her face showed just as much warmth in the second picture with Jared. And-

“Who in the hell is that guy?” His shout reverberated through the room, making him realize his thoughts had become words.

“I don’t know, other than  _ not Misha _ ,” Jared replied with emphasis on the last two words. He pulled his phone out and tapped on the screen a few times. Jensen saw the same three pictures turned into an Instagram feed, each with a different message written on it. Imitating the style of the magazine Shay had captioned the photos with different fonts and lots of exclamation points. ‘Chivalry lives!’ read the curling letters next to his head, ‘Total goofball!!’ was written near Jared in a cartoonish script, and ‘NOT MISHA!!!’ was scrawled on the final one as if by marker.

“Misha of course had to take it to a whole ‘nother level,” Jared added, indicating for him to scroll down. Jensen scanned through Shay’s message and the following exchange.

shaylenemmartin  _ Yeesh. Whatever happened to journalistic integrity?  _ #UsWeekly #getoffmylawn @misha @jensenackles @jaredpadalecki 

Misha  _ Why not me?!? _

shaylenemmartin  _ Wish it had been bud, wish it had been _

misha  _ Bad kisser? _

shaylenemmartin  _ You have NO idea _

Misha _You’re right._ _I don’t. I’m a terrific kisser_

shaylenemmartin  _ ;-) Vicki’s a lucky woman _

“It’s a good response.” Jensen admitted.

“Yeah, her people put out a really nice statement too. Talking about how great everyone on the show was, apologizing to us and our families.”

“Oh shit, did Gen see this? She doing okay?” Jensen hadn’t even thought about how this might upset Jared’s wife, now heavily pregnant with their third child.

“She’s fine. Just a few weeks to go now anyway. She actually noticed something I didn’t about all of these.” He scrolled back up to the photos, “All of Shay’s actions were completely focused on protecting us, going so far as to write over her own image in our defense. She left herself completely vulnerable. And some of the people attacking the hardest have our names in their handles.”

Quiet settled around them as Jensen thought about what his friend had said.

“I was thinking we might send a video out to the fans, reminding them that she’s our friend, and a member of the Supernatural family too.”

Jensen studied the pictures again. “Why are all these pictures taken right at the front door to my building?”

“Apparently you have some new movie star neighbors. The paparazzi were waiting around for them-”

“And saw Shay instead. Once an A-lister, always an A-lister, huh? Fuck man, I am so done with this shit.”

“What, with hanging out with famous people?” Jared jokes.

“With all of it.” Pushing to his feet he went into the kitchen to get a glass of water. “You know they’re gonna be giving us our contracts for next year any day now.”

“I was wondering if we were ever gonna talk about it. So you’re not going to sign?”

“I don’t know. Six months ago I would have been in, no hesitation. Six weeks ago, my answer would’ve been hell no. Now, I…. I just don’t know.”

Jensen could feel his friend’s concern even before he spoke. “You’re in transition Jay, you can’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.”

“I get that, but my life is never gonna go back to the way it was six months ago.”

“Well hopefully you’re never gonna go back to the way you were six weeks ago either. I gotta tell you man, I’ve never been more worried.”

“I know. And I know this isn’t how you wanted to go out.”

“Yeah.” They both stood, weighed down by the silence. “You know no matter what you decide, I’m with you. Literally. I mean if you’re not up in Vancouver, there won’t be any reason for me to be either. I’ll just have to come over here and bug you all the time.” 

*****

“Nik?”

“This is Nikki Rodriguez. Who is this? I used to know someone with this number, but that was before she hooked up with three of the sexiest guys on the planet and quit returning my calls.”

“Nikki,” Shay whined pathetically. “Would it help if I told you you are the second person I’ve called today?”

“The second?”

“Yeah. I had to call Amanda to do the PR shit. Now I’m calling you, and when we’re done I’m gonna call my mother. After that I may chuck my phone out the window on the way to the airport.”

“You called me before your mom?”

“Yeah. Because I’m hoping I’ll be able to tell her that you’re gonna give me a ride and keep her and the rest of the family as far away from this as possible.”

“You think they’re gonna ambush you at the airport?”

“Hope for the best,” Shay started.

“Prepare for the worst,” they finished together.

“This one is hitting you hard isn’t it?”

“It is. Actually, I was kind of hoping I could stay at your place tonight. I need to shake this off Nik, and I don’t know if I can do it alone.”

“Mi casa et su casa, sweetheart. How about we swing by la Cuchero’s on the way back and pick up a pitcher of margaritas and a Nacho Nirvanah?” 

Shay swallowed the lump in her throat. “You’re the best Nikki. I am so goddamn lucky to have you. You, and my boys, and-”

“Oh shit it  _ is _ bad isn’t it?”

“What?”

“You’re doing that thing you do when you get scared. Lining up all the good things in your life like armor that will keep you from getting hurt.”

“I thought gratitude was supposed to be a good thing.”

“It’s an avoidance technique and you know it.”

“All right, fine.” Shay let out a heavy exhale. “How ‘bout you just let me keep that armor on until I get home?”

*****

Jensen goggled at the sight before him. The bar was packed, and everywhere his eyes landed he saw someone he knew. No wonder Jared had overridden his objections to coming out tonight. This must have taken months of planning. It was as elaborate as anything Dani had ever put together. His heart plummeted. Dani had loved birthday parties. It was like a game to create a new one each year just as big and festive as the last. She would have adored this. Had she somehow started planning this, even before…? 

He turned to Jared, “Did you do this?” he half yelled over the music.

Jared shook his shaggy head in response. “Mostly Gen. She’s been putting it together ever since the new year.”

Jensen bent down to Gen’s ear. “You did this? For me? From start to finish?” There was something flickering inside him that was both joy and pain at the idea that this was Dani’s last gift to him.

Gen nodded solemnly, her eyes wide with hope. “Is it okay?”

Pain flared, but he wrapped Gen in his arms anyway, careful of her pregnant belly. “It’s wonderful Gen. Absolutely wonderful. You did her proud.” Keeping one of his arms around her, the other shoulder to shoulder with Jared, they moved out onto the main floor. 

Someone had found a microphone and announced their arrival.“Ladies and gentlemen, our guest of honor has arrived! Give it up for Mr. Jensen Ackles!” They were immediately swarmed by people turning, surging towards him. 

Everyone was laughing, wanting to hug him and wish him a happy birthday. No matter their good intentions, he felt mobbed, like the walls were closing in on him. Jared and Gen had been lost among the well wishers, and he felt himself pushed along as if by the tide. Looking around in a near panic, he saw that he was near the hall that led to the bathrooms. He slid sideways, made it to the safety of the men’s room and locked the door behind him.

He panted, hands on the wall, eyes closed, willing himself to calm down. The sound of water behind him made him jump. He cursed himself silently. It  _ was _ a bathroom after all. A young man wearing the club’s wait staff uniform was drying his hands when he turned around.

“Hey,” he said to the kid, moving out of his way, “you know Jared? Tall guy, long hair, one of the owners?”

“Yeah, I know who he is,” he replied warily.

Jensen paused. Was he really going to do this? The pulse jackhammering at his neck said he was. “I need you to go find him, tell him I’m back here.”

The wait after the kid left was indeterminable. His panic receded, only to be replaced with a white hot fury. Birthday parties were Daneel’s thing.  _ She _ should have been the one who had planned tonight.  _ She _ should have been the one at his side when the crowd moved in.  _ She _ would have stayed with him, she wouldn’t have let herself get swept away, leaving him all alone…. Rage poured out of him, over and over, until he was empty. Dazed, he looked down at his aching hands. They were reddened, blood leaking over the knuckles. He moved to the sink and lowered his hands carefully into the running water. It stung, but it helped to center him. 

“Jensen? Hey, it’s me Jared. Open up the door.”

When Jared entered his eyes went immediately to Jensen’s hands.

“Oh shit.” His hand was in front of his mouth, but Jensen thought he heard him continue, “She warned me about this.”

“It’s not so bad really,” Jensen told him. “The calluses I’ve built up at Mickey’s helped. The blood’s just oozing around them. I’ll, uh, I’ll cover the cost of the wall.” He indicated the hole in the drywall.

“Dude, I am so not worried about that.” Jared looked him over with concern. “Do you want to get out of here? I can take us out the back way, no one will even see us.”

Jensen's heart overflowed at his friend’s words. Jared meant it. No matter how much time and money he and Gen had invested into this party, if it was making him unhappy they’d both walk away without a moment’s notice.

“No. I’ve got it out of my system now. Let’s just- let’s just try not to cause another stampede.”

“Already got that covered. Jason's got a, well a thing, so people will be watching that, and the bar’s gonna start putting out food while it's going on so we'll keep the attention divided.”

He nodded his approval and they headed out. Jared shot off two texts before leading him to the short end of the bar. Jared stood with him while he ordered and received his drink. He realized why Jared had picked this spot over a more secluded location when his friend Jason Manns appeared on the stage platform, directly in his line of sight. 

“Hello? How are you all doing tonight?” Jason received a big cheer from the audience. “As you all know, we are all here tonight to celebrate Jensen’s birthday. Personally, I cannot overstate the positive impact knowing Jensen has had on my life. And I’m not exaggerating when I say that millions of people, all around the world have been affected by his work in television. We, lucky bastards that we are, know Jensen personally, and ah” he shielded his eyes against the spotlight, but was unable to find him, “wherever you are buddy, just want to let you know that we love you.” A roar went up in the bar. “But we’re not the only ones! There are lots of people who would have loved to be here tonight, but for one reason or another couldn’t make it down to Austin. And while I and a couple of other people can’t wait to get up here and rock it out for Jensen, before we do that, I want to turn the stage over to some other people who wanted to show their love in, uh, their own unique way.”

Jensen felt a few people crowding around him and started to stiffen, but when he looked up he saw his family. His brother and sister with their spouses, and his parents took turns hugging him. 

“Gen got a babysitter for all the kiddos so we could come,” his dad spoke in his ear, “I’m so glad they did. I wouldn’t want to miss this.”

Just then the lights dimmed and the giant screen behind the bandstand flickered to life. It showed old timey film edges before turning into the blue sky and white cloud wallpaper from Toy Story, complete with the movie’s logo. Misha’s head and torso appeared, obviously superimposed, and he pretended to run into the Toy Story logo and proceeded to push it out of the picture. 

“Ah, there! Hello everyone! My name is Misha Collins, and I have the good fortune to work with Jensen on his show Supernatural. I also have a little scavenger hunt thing I do on the side. So here is a little birthday treat for my dear, beloved friend Jensen from me, and about 10,000 other Gishers who absolutely love you.” With a flourish the Gish logo appeared and You’ve Got a Friend in Me began playing. Misha began the song, but the video quickly cut to Gishwhes teams performing it in the most outlandish ways they could conceive. Jensen laughed along with everyone else seeing groups sing while standing on their heads, dressed as their favorite muppets, posing on top of firetrucks, and on and on. As the song drew to a close he recognized the Gishswhes offices and workers and finally just Misha himself. After he finished the song, he kissed the camera, said, “Love ya bud.”

The video changed bringing up his friend Billy playing guitar and singing One Call Away. Jensen was starting to sense a theme. He was so glad he hadn’t left. He accepted good wishes from people as they came by to get a drink, and heard people in the crowd begin to sing along with the video.

The next video was a song he had heard, but he didn’t really know. It didn’t matter. He grinned to see so many of the show’s guest stars singing little parts of the song. The song was upbeat, but his anticipation to see who’s face would come next was even more exciting. Jason sidled up while Felicia Day counted on her fingers on screen. 

“You like?”

“Yeah! What is this song?”

“Count on Me. Bruno Mars.”

“It’s awesome. How on earth did you get so many people involved?”

Jason shrugged. “It wasn’t hard. Everybody I talked to wanted in. I had originally thought to give it to you for Christmas, but I couldn’t get it together.” He handed Jensen a disc case. “There’s only a handful of videos, but there’s a full album of songs. There’s a lot of people that love you brother.”

Jensen slid the case into his pocket and reached out to hug Jason. “I love this. Thank you man.” He turned back and shook his head in disbelief at Timothy Omundson on screen. The song ended to cheers from the audience. 

The next image on the screen was black and white, a pair of hands on a piano keyboard. Jensen recognized the introductory chords to Have a Little Faith in Me. When a woman’s hands joined in, he turned to look at Jason. 

“Brianna?” he mouthed. Jason and Brianna were recording the song for her first album, but they were both here. He would have thought they would want to do it live. Jason merely raised his eyebrows and pointed back to the screen. As soon as the woman started singing, Jensen knew it wasn’t Brianna. This voice was higher, and a little bit breathier. This voice belonged to Shay. The video confirmed it almost as soon as he thought it, showing her and Jason sitting at the piano going back and forth with the lyrics. When the second verse started, it showed Shay in a sound booth, her intensity and her improv surprising him. And when her eyes looked directly into the camera for a moment he felt himself holding his breath. 

“Yeah, she’s great isn’t she?” He was confused for a second, until he realized Jason was speaking to his mom and not himself. 

“I didn’t even know she could sing,” he heard his mom reply.

“I could tell she was really nervous when I asked her,” Jason confided, “but once she was in, she was in. We spent six hours yesterday getting this down.”

Shock tore Jensen’s eyes from the screen. “Yesterday?”

Jason nodded, and then motioned to the screen with his chin. Jensen looked up and saw Shay reaching across the piano to scratch out something on the sheet music and then write something else in. He listened but he couldn’t tell if the words had been changed. He was about to ask when he saw Shay make a motion with her hand on screen indicating a going up on a musical scale. Sure enough when Jason took the next chorus he heard a high note floating above that turned into a breathy jazzy withdrawal to end the song.

He stood lost in the moment and startled when the wail of an electric guitar cut the air. The next video had started.

“Well better get going, we're up next. You wanna come up tonight?” Jason clapped him on the shoulder.

He hesitated before answering “I ah, yeah of course I do.” Might as well put in a good performance after so many people had worked so hard to give him this night.

The last video was hilarious, the entire crew of the show Supernatural imitating the theme song from Friends. They couldn't sing, their dancing was atrocious, and they couldn't get their umbrellas to open simultaneously no matter how many times they tried. Before the video was over he was laughing so hard he had to wipe away tears. If you had to cry on your birthday, this was the way to do it.


End file.
